When to tell work?

[AmyWills123]

Hi All, i work in a desk job however its a high stress environment. Ultimately I don't have a great relationship with my Manager and I feel and would describe our relationship as unfortunately toxic.

I have just recently found out I'm pregnant and ultimately I'm worried about telling work as this would have to be my boss and I dont feel it would be met with positivity. There is a-lot of work retaliation and i have simply become someone who goes to work now and ‘keeps their head down’ - sad but true!

my main question however is when is it a good time to advise you are pregnant? I know many say after the first (12 week) scan and i have to tell them by 25 weeks however whats ‘normal/acceptable’?

any advice appreciated! - its my first pregnancy so not a situation I've ever generally navigated before!

I told my boss before 12 weeks on both occasions, I miscarried the second recently. We have a good relationship though. In your case I'd wait until after 12 weeks. Then see if you want to wait longer as you don't need to tell them yet legally.

In this case I’d wait as long as possible. I told my immediate manager much sooner as I needed to for H&S reasons. However I made sure that it stayed between us and I didn’t tell the big boss or any colleagues until I was 20 weeks and couldn’t hide it anymore.

I unfortunately have high risk pregnancies (50/50 chance of baby coming home) so I pick and choose who I tell. I'm currently 23 weeks and only a handful of people at work know, I've asked them to keep it that way and they should.

Personally, whilst I appreciate your situation of toxic relationships (I had this during my first pregnancy which is why I'm no longer there) I still told them around 12 weeks because you're very protected during your pregnancy from an employment law perspective. Anything they say or do could could fall into this bracket. Most people do wait until 12 weeks but I think that's such a horrid stigma in that 'you don't tell people incase you miscarry'.

If I was in your situation (without knowing much about it) I'd let them know I'm pregnant. They'd hopefully leave me alone considering how protected pregnant people are. Look after yourself, if the job is too stressful take the time for you, have baby, enjoy leave and maybe look for something else after. No one should ever have to work in this environment.

I'm a HR business partner of 8 years. I come across this a lot.

I told my line manager at 8 weeks, as I felt unwell. He didn't tell anyone, as I asked for it. Others at 13 weeks (directors and some work colleagues). If you're feeling well enough, I'd wait as long as possible.

I told my manager at 8 weeks, I am Health and Safety advisor it's better for your company to be aware so they can consider any risks to you and your health. You can request this to be confidential so they should not disclose this to anyone, really it is up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

First pregnancy, I think around the 16 week mark. Wasn’t obviously showing.

I wouldn’t be telling my manager in your situation until 20 weeks. As PP said from a health and safety POV do you have a trusted work colleague who isn’t your manager in the office you can tell?