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Pregnancy

Single and want another baby IUI

15 replies

ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:09

Hi,

Im hoping to get some positive replies or to hear from people who are in or have been in a similar position to me.

I and a single mum to a wonderful 1.5 year old little boy. He sees his dad 1 or 2 times a week and things are amicable between us.

I would love to have another baby, I’ve always been really maternal and my only regret has always been not having children sooner. I am 37.
I am really considering doing IUI with donor sperm and going through a fertility clinic.

I have been pregnant twice and fell easily both times. I unfortunately had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy but went on to have my son.

My mum thinks I shouldn’t have another baby and I should be happy with my son which I 100% am.

Has anyone or is anyone having the same thoughts?
I have so many questions regarding the IUI, I feel I would need to have a medicated cycle because of my age.

I always worry that my son with have his dad and if I do use a donor then they won’t have a dad.. although they will have strong male role models in their life as I have very supportive friends and family members.

Would love to talk to anyone in the same kinda boat.

xx

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Emmamoo89 · 25/01/2023 21:10

Go for it 😊 x

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BlueBooh · 25/01/2023 21:11

How would that work for childcare? I assume you're working full time to be able to afford 2 kids?

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:12

Thank you @Emmamoo89 x

@BlueBooh I am financially stable and would be able to to support 2 children.

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Led92 · 25/01/2023 21:14

I think there could be jealousy between the siblings of one effectively having a dad and one not. My friend used a donor as a single mum and from about the age of 2 her son was asking questions about where his Dad was and she found it really tough. Never mind adding a sibling in with that paternal relationship.
Sorry just a thought.

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:19

@Led92 Thank you for your thought. I think about this a lot

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Mummyboy1 · 25/01/2023 21:19

I've got a son through sperm donation and I imagine if in the future I had another child I think there would be jealousy and upsetness if their dad was involved, makes it more pronounced. I can currently say that families are made differently but I think it would be harder in your situation.

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:22

@Mummyboy1 i would hate for any child I had to be upset or jealous at all.
Would having your son by donor sperm stop you from having another child possibly? Just wondering how it would be that way round? X

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2021mumma · 25/01/2023 21:29

Is it an option for your sons dad to be the sperm donor?

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Mummyboy1 · 25/01/2023 21:30

@ChezL for lots of reasons I have actually decided that I won't be having another child, but one reason is I can't use the same donor. For me I don't like the idea that I'll be a single mum with two children with two different donors...but that's me!! Depending on who I talk to I still feel judgment about being a single mum.

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Sarahcoggles · 25/01/2023 21:31

Both my boys were the result of anonymous sperm donation, different donors. The laws changed between their births so DS2 will be allowed to know his father's name at age 18, but DS1 won't. Luckily DS1 (now 17) has never really been interested in having a biological father, whilst DS2 (age 13) has been, and will definitely try and find him when he's older.
I can see it could be tricky if one child has a father and the other doesn't, but to be honest, that occurs in other situations too. Plenty of kids have absent fathers, then mum remarries and has kids, so they have step siblings with 2 parents.
I wouldn't let that particular worry stop you.
It would surely be nice for your DS to have a sibling too.

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:31

@2021mumma I think it would cause too many issues between us. I think if we had another baby together he would want to continue our relationship but I know that won’t be ideal for me or healthy for my son or other children.

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:33

@Mummyboy1 Sorry to hear you get some judgement for being a single mum. I sometimes feel this too but I know my son is really happy and I’ll always do my best for him so I try and and avoid those kinds of people. X

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 21:36

@Sarahcoggles thank you Sarah for your message. I’m glad the law changing is on your side with both of your sons wishes 😊

I would love for my son to have a sibling. I’m currently not interested in finding anyone new but I could do in the future, they might have kids etc. Also my sons dad may have a new relationship with other children.
I think the main thing is the children are loved and looked after and I would always be honest with a child who had a donor.
x

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Sarahcoggles · 25/01/2023 21:39

I live in a very conservative and affluent village, where there are very few single parent families. At primary school my kids were in the minority. Not so much now - lots of divorces - people seem to wait till the kids have hit their teens before deciding they can't keep up the pretence any longer!

I never allowed myself to feel judged. Maybe people looked down on me, but I worked bloody hard to give my boys a great life. They were (and still are, although their ages mean they ignore me most of the time!) the centre of my world. We went to so many places, had so much fun, I worked hard to make up for the lack of another parent. I played hours of football!!

If people want to judge me for my situation, then they're petty and narrow minded. There are plenty of ways to be a happy family and an unhappy family. Having their father around doesn't guarantee joy, and having no father doesn't guarantee misery.

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ChezL · 25/01/2023 22:04

@Sarahcoggles you sound like a super strong lady and your boys must be really proud of you 😊

I very much agree with you regarding the father comments.
I also know many couples who are together solely for the kids which isn’t healthy for anyone.

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