I know its just the hormones but...

[Carey87]

I feel like poo!

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and my DP hads never once spoken to baby through tummy. I know this sounds really silly but it's a big thing for me as this is our first. He rarely touches my bump. His brothers wife is also pregnant and whenever were around them his brother is always touching and talking to his wifes bump and I just cant see why my DP doesnt act the same way. It's really getting me down as we only have 10(+) weeks left and I'm afraid that when it comes he wont be interested. I've asked him a few times if he would please talk to it or why he doesnt do it but he just brushes it off or gets really ngry at me. I'm supposed to be looking forward to baby coming but all I feel is regret and it's making me really not want this baby, which is the most horrible thing to say as I love it to pieces!

I know you will all say that I'm being silly (which I probably am!). Just need a big hug

Aw Carey everybody reacts differently to their DP being pregnant - my DH didn't really talk to my bump but is the most loving Daddy.

My DH thought talking to my bump was stupid, but is a wonderful lovely Daddy who loves playing with his DS. I think it can be harder for men to connect sometimes with bump=baby, but hopefully after birth your DP will feel totally differently.

(We had DH hold DS right after birth skin-to-skin after we'd tried breastfeeding as I was getting stitched up and was too tired to trust myself to hold a newborn. I think it was an excellent start to their relationship and maybe you might want to suggest that to your DP).

Thank you. It just tears me between trying to be a good mum and a good girlfriend. Im sure things will change once baby is born
xx

If it's any consolation my dh is the same, and I do get jealous when I see other men patting bumps! It's just the way he is, I think its harder for them as we can feel LOs so much more + have all the hormones etc. Also i think dh is secretly / subconciously afraid of 'tempting fate' . I got really upset a while ago and called him emotionally retarded! He said I was probably right! I blame MIL for her lack of hugs when he was little ! I think lots of hands on involvement right form birth is going to be important for him so I have banned my mother from visiting for the first two weeks! He'll have to do things then!

Ha ha!! Thats sounds like an excellent plan!

I have also banned my mother for the first two weeks but for slighlty different reasons (she would drive me mad!)

Cxx

My dh was the same - has never talked to any of our babies through my tummy (I'm pg with third at the moment). He is a great dad, and has been ever since our first was born. When they're tiny he happily spends hours late in the evening sitting with the baba downstairs (watching Match of the Day, I think) but making sure I get a decent amount of sleep at the start of the night at least. He would think it was sappy to talk to the bump. And he refers to me as the Fat Lady when I'm pg - he's so kind

Well I'm pg with no4 and dh has never talked to my bump and has never shown much interest in touching it which he admitted last time is partly because the times he put his hand to feel and baby didn't move (which they do tend to do) he was realy dissapointed, so would rather not try. He has always been a very lovely hands on Dad from the momment they were born so don't worry.

Thank you everyone. We talked about it over email and I've agreed to relax about it, and he's agreed to give it a try, and I told him that I understood about him feeling silly and tempting fate and all that and like you all said, it doesnt mean that he wont be a good dad because I know he'll be fantastic.

Cxx

Neither of us talked to mine - I know they say you should but I found it a bit odd. Maybe he does too. I did touch my bump a lot and felt generally loving feelings but didn't talk or sing or any of that. It's really an individual thing. She's nearly 2 now and we have a fantastic bond. I think different strokes for different folks and maybe he feels a bit silly or awkward? You can't force him -so long as he is excited and happy about being a dad, and supportive now you're getting bigger etc, helping out and all, that's what counts.

i used to force my dp to feel baby move and pay attention to bump in all honesty as much as men love you and want the babies its all a bit alien to them they dont know what to do

i used to just get his hand and put it on bump and just say thats daddy its natural for the mother to feel such a bond but for men they feel strange as they really dont really know what they should be doing

i wouldnt feel bad i did used to feel upset until i found instead of thinking bad he never pulled away if i guided him and he used to listen tom babies heart beat he found he could hear it and loved to do that

just enjoy it he'll change when he can see and touch baby

My DH also felt a little odd talking to my bump so we resolved that by getting him to read stories to bump instead. Why not try that? I just really want baby to know Daddy's voice when he/she is born!

My DP blows raspberries on my belly. Bump really reacts to it by kicking like mad. Plus it makes me giggle to. (who doesnt giggle when someone furberts you on the belly?? ) Maybe thats another fun thing you could try perhaps?

Plus it funny because he can say the baby kicked him in the face and get a laugh and sympathy from his friends. Which mine does. Alot. ... They DO love their sympathy don't they?

i know everyones different but I don't even talk to my bump and would feel ridiculous doing so or having someone else do it. It really is no reflection on how you'll be as a parent. Some peope don't get that connection with a bump.

I'd let it go to be honest.

Actually that's a lie sometimes I sigh and say "FFS would you please vacate the premises, you've out stayed your welcome"

My dh is just the same but I know he is a fantastic dad and will certainly give lots of attention when baby is born as this happened with dd. I sometimes 'force' him by putting his hand on my bump and I know he likes feeling it but is maybe awkward about doing it off his own back. A special tip though- when in bed I lie curled against his back (well as close as you can get at 37+ wks) and the baby inevitably kicks him in the back...every time. He pretends to moan and groan but I know he likes it
FWIW, I had a scare this week and was in hospital for 3 days and seeing dh's reaction and worry made me realise that it doesn't matter how he expresses himself for now, I know he has an attachment without expressing it and when the baby arrives they will bond as he did with dd.
Some men (my dh included) focus on the practical side of things to prepare for the new arrival- he has been rushing about building furniture, sorting baby equipment etc out.
FInally, although I rub my bump and snuggle up I never talk to it- it hears my voice (and dh and dd's) all the time anyway!

I am 31 weeks, and DP rarely touches my belly either, he will if it's kicking to feel it, but he doesnt talk to it, and nor do I really. I'll say things like 'Come on you, you're uncomfortable, move over a bit' or similar but that's it.

My DH has never really bonded with the bump although he does say "good morning" to it (from a distance). I can understand really - if the person I loved (and the body I had been recently shagging ) had been invaded by a monster kicky alien thing I would I would feel v. weird about touching and connecting with it as well. People are all different though...

Cant we just let men be men...I dont even talk to my bump.