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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Partner feeling anxious about baby

12 replies

emmaloubx · 18/01/2023 22:22

Hello

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant, this baby was planned back in October and I fell very quickly in December. I surprised my partner in a lovely way, I was excited to tell him, we told our immediate family right away.
Then ever since whenever I bring it up or try and get excited it's a 3 min convo then over with. He never brings it up, I have had a feeling he's got cold feet about it. I currently live separate as he has his Nan living with him, so he's building her an outside building where she can live as not enough room inside for us all as I have a 7 year old girl I'm moving there with.
Anyway today he was quite quiet with me, he's working away at the moment and comes back at weekends which is crap but only for another 2 months. But I asked him so many times is something up today, and he said no I'm fine! Then tonight he tells me we need to talk over the weekend as he's got freaked out by baby situation and feels anxious, he's worried about the living situation and I said is there any way his Nan could move to his uncles whilst the outside bit is built and he said he feels bad and I said about his life moving on now etc, anyway I got really upset over the phone and cried so much, I now feel like I can't talk about it with him or feel happy - I don't know what to do 😣 i feel so upset. I was also feeling scared and worried but that's normal - but I feel so deflated now xx

OP posts:

BelleSauvage9 · 18/01/2023 22:37

I think it's normal to feel anxious and worry about changes, and I think it's positive that he's opened up about his feelings and wants to talk them through with you. Honest communication is so important!

But I can completely understand why his lack of enthusiasm has put a downer on your feelings about the situation and made you feel worried. I'd try not to stress too much until you've talked. He might not even want to talk about changing your plans, he might just want some reassurance and to feel like you're in it together you know? Good luck with the talk, I hope it all goes well. And congratulations on your pregnancy 😊

Original poster

emmaloubx · 19/01/2023 07:58

@BelleSauvage9 thank you so much. Yeah I guess it's good he's told me and opened up, but it's just not a happy time now! Feel like he doesn't want this anymore. It's like a massive burst of our bubble!
I think the thing that's holding us back is his Nan lives there, and it's just annoying like surely she should understand he needs to move on with his life, but I know at same time it's hard for him to ask her to move. Il see how it goes anyway xx

OP posts:

helloimnew123 · 19/01/2023 11:10

Is this his first child? Is he normally an enthusiastic person?

My partner was kind of similar when I got pregnant with our planned baby.
But he was worried about how life would change. Even at 33 most of his friends didn't have kids yet so it was all very new and unknown. He probably wasn't as 'ready' as I was.
He's also not really a jazz hands type of person. He's very caring and practical but not overly enthusiastic and vocal about things.

Our DC is 1 now and he is the best dad ever

Original poster

emmaloubx · 19/01/2023 11:13

@helloimnew123 yes it's his first child so I can understand how daunting it must feel. I feel scared too but it's made me feel so upset! As I felt as the baby was planned it would be lovely then this!
He's also worried how his life is going to change, he keeps saying his uncle keeps telling him, he's 34 though so it's the right time I feel.
I guess I just have to support him but now I don't feel overly happy cos of this.
Was your partner like it the whole pregnancy? X

OP posts:

helloimnew123 · 19/01/2023 11:23

It's hard isn't it. I do think men communicate differently to women.
I wanted him to be gushy and excited! But he's just not that type of person.

I think you have to try not take it personally and try not to dwell. He wouldn't of wanted to have a baby with you if he wasn't invested.

My partner wasn't negative or anything he just wasn't outwardly enthusiastic- which I would have liked.
But he was very supportive and helpful when we had scares at the scan and when I got gestational diabetes etc.

I don't think you can force him to change his outlook. I think you have to remember all the great qualities he brings to the table

Original poster

emmaloubx · 19/01/2023 11:25

@helloimnew123 yeah I guess so. It just feels like to me he's got major cold feet, I guess will just have to get on with it.
I can't help but feel upset! But it's reassuring your partner is now a brilliant dad and was similar! X

OP posts:

GoT1904 · 19/01/2023 11:27

Hey, I have 3 DC and the only one my partner hasn't stressed over is the one I'm carrying now. 😂

Original poster

emmaloubx · 19/01/2023 11:28

@GoT1904 that's good to know 😂 I feel like he thinks his life is going to stop! I think I've just taken it really personally xx

OP posts:

Warspite · 19/01/2023 11:41

Congratulations for you all. I can tell how chuffed you are.
However, could you maybe take a step back for now & give him time to process what’s going on & work out the best way forward regarding his Nan. Practicalities might be overwhelming for him so he maybe needs some headspace to see what he needs to tackle and in what order?
I think he’ll be ok if you stay calm and for now just get on with it. Don’t bring it up too much. Your burgeoning belly will be his constant reminder!

IF you are giving up your current place to be with him at his place, think very carefully about your vulnerability regarding that. If his enthusiasm remains ambivalent then I’d suggest you don’t burn your boats to put yourself in a challenging situation. I might be overthinking & obviously don’t know the full story but take your time to make big life decisions going forward.
Good luck with your confinement. I hope all goes well.

LiteralSycamore · 19/01/2023 11:54

It doesn’t sound like great timing for a planned baby — you keep saying you’re ‘excited’, but you’re living separately, he’s working away for an extended period (presumably meaning he can only work on his grandmother’s living space at weekends?), you must not be able to see much of one another, you both have dependents etc etc. I get that it’s easy to be wise with hindsight, and presumably you thought it would take longer to conceive, but surely all these stressors are factoring in to his lack of enthusiasm?

Original poster

emmaloubx · 19/01/2023 11:58

@LiteralSycamore yeah it seems that now. When we was trying he said he was starting the out building for his Nan, then got a job come up away, it's only for another month or two, but otherwise we see eachother every day or every other.
I'm not happy or excited anymore, it just seems like everything has gone to shit!
When we was trying he didn't have this job away so was going to start work there, but things have changed since falling pregnant

OP posts:

GoT1904 · 19/01/2023 14:57

emmaloubx · 19/01/2023 11:28

@GoT1904 that's good to know 😂 I feel like he thinks his life is going to stop! I think I've just taken it really personally xx

It's hard though. I think sometimes when us women start TTC we picture everything. Pregnancy, birth, the future.. then some men don't until you get that positive and they are like "oh shit so this is happening". Sorry it's put a dampener on your feelings xxx

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