Mum's help postpartum

[xogossipgirlxo]

It's still early for me to think of these things (currently 14w), but my mum offered she can come and help me after baby arrives. She lives in different country, so would probably stay for a week or two. What are your experiences? Would you go for it? My husband is planning to take 2-3 weeks off work, I don't think we need 3 adults around newborn at the same time, but I could perhaps offer mum to visit us when husband is back to work? This way I would still have some help, especially that I don't know how long it will take me to recover after delivery. My mum is very calm around babies and is really helpful with cooking etc. Our relationship wasn't great in recent years, but it's her first grandchild and she's so excited and I know it would mean a lot to her plus heck knows how I'm going to feel in the first month (baby blues, possible c-section, colic baby etc.?).

You're right, you won't need 3 adults taking care of a newborn. In the early days they mostly sleep anyway.

I would ask your mum to wait until your husband is back at work, that way you'll have 5 weeks of support which will help with recovery.

I agree, have your mum there once your DH has gone back to work - that will spread out the help but also give your family unit the time to settle in to a rhythm all together. My cousin had her mum there for a few weeks when baby was born (also lives abroad) and says she would do it differently next time as she didn’t feel her, her husband and their newborn had time as a three to settle in together and really savour the time.

Agree with above - you'll probably want it to just be you three in the early days. Such a lovely time - I remember us bringing blankets into the living room and napping on the floor in the afternoon.

Better for her to come when baby is a few weeks/month old.

Wait for your husband to go back to work x

Definitely definitely from when DP goes back to work - that week for most people I know has been hell (week 3 for most in the UK). For me with my youngest that week really caught up with me - tiredness, hormones, problems with feeding etc, and it was also the first week of UK lockdown and DP was back to work 🙈 Awful 😂

Agree with everyone else, 3 adults with a newborn is too much and you likely will just get in each others way. Also, it's nice to just have some family time just mum dad and baby in those first few weeks x

Yeah definitely once he’s back at work and you’ve found your feet. Even if she was being helpful, you have absolutely no patience when you’re so tired and just want to do things your way. Once you’re in the swing of it you’ll be much more glad of her help. I remember the first day my husband was back at work as being traumatic than any other day of the whole thing 😂 My mum bugged me by not even really doing anything, she asked if I wanted to go out for lunch and texted saying she was outside but I just desperately wanted her to come earlier so I could have got a shower etc. Everything feels impossible at that point!

Just going against the grain, my newborn was 100% a three person job. 😄 She was not a sleepy one in the least!

That was partly because I had ongoing health problems and needed to keep going back and forth to hospital. So maybe keep an open mind and see how you feel.

Thank you everyone. Always good to ask someone who's been there, done that X