Pregnant with 2nd baby

[HonestButFair]

I’m not exactly over the moon. I’m more in a state of internal panic - life is perfect with our 5 year old. And this second child is frankly a shock.

Having been told we can’t have more children, this pregnancy is a real shock.

I’m not one of these earthy mothers or Instagram freaks that post everything about my life, I’m not a fan of being pregnant and feeling like crap all day and not sleeping at night. It’s making me so unhappy.

Before you say it, abortion isn’t an option.

I guess what I’m looking for is comfort in knowing that someone else felt this way with their second pregnancy?

Much more tired, scared about the future, worried about how the baby will fit into our perfect family of three.

Of course I’m grateful for the blessing (in a non-religious way!) But I just don’t even want to tell anyone about the pregnancy as I can’t cope with the whole “you said you weren’t having anymore kids” and “oh you should have stopped at one” and “here comes the sleepless nights again, hope you’re prepared”. I hate people at the best of times and this fuss is going to tip me over the edge.

I also run my own beauty business - so how the hell am I going to keep my clients and have this baby? I’m imagining only being able to take a month off before customers start looking elsewhere for their treatments. Will they ever come back?

I’m almost 8 weeks and haven’t told the midwives yet, my first Labour was 5 days long and ended in a c/section. I don’t even know what I want this time round.

I actually wonder if I’m getting depressed for the first time in my life at age 36?

I just don’t know how to move forwards, I feel so unhappy about this. The poor baby :( I don’t want it to feel unwanted. I’m trying to make myself be positive about it but I just can’t see how to.

Can anyone please make me feel better? I don’t know where else to turn.

I felt like this when I found out I was pregnant with my second, it was a huge shock, we had so much going on at the time and I just didn't feel ready for another baby. I didn't start to feel anyway good about the pregnancy until the 20 week scan, think by then I just accepted that this was happening and came to terms with it. He's 2 now and I honestly couldn't imagine life without him he is my world ❤️. I also said I wasn't having anymore children and no one made any of those comments to me, in fact I found all the comments people made with my first far more annoying, all the 'advice' on how to raise your baby, what to do/what not to do etc people don't really care that much when it's your second. I would definitely contact the midwife now, you'll need booked in for your dating scan soon.

Yeah I felt the same. DS had just turned two and we felt we were really past the baby stage and bf more freedom. DS was conceived via IVF after a long time trying naturally so we didn’t really bother with contraception afterwards as we naively assumed it wouldn’t happen. Well it did. I think I cried for a solid 2 weeks but it did get easier. I’m 27 weeks now and genuinely excited about another baby. Give it time, those pesky first trimester hormones don’t help either!

Aw sending hugs, it sounds like you have so many different issues going on here, all playing into this same feeling. Take it one step at a time. You’re not getting a baby just yet so you have some time 😊 Think of some things you’d like to do or places you’d like to visit as a 3 before he/she arrives. 5 is a great age for a helper too!

In terms of your business, both my beautician and hairdresser have taken 3/4 month maternity leaves and I’ve gone back to both after. People might need to go elsewhere for one or two appointments but they’ll come back, don’t worry about that!

It sounds like the birth is another source of panic for you so you could have a think about what you might want on that front. I had an elective section and from what I’ve heard it is so different from an emergency one. It’s worth exploring your options!

Maybe just take the first step of calling to register yourself with the midwife and take it from there. Everything will all work out! Just breathe 😅

But in terms of the people making unwanted comments thing, I’m absolutely with you on that! I’m pregnant and planning to leave it as late as possible to tell anyone. I so can’t be bothered with even the in-law’s unwanted comments or saying things about what they hope the gender will be etc. Im really not one for that sort of attention, didn’t do any of the baby shower thing or anything last time, I hate it all!

Thank you so much for your reply - it’s really helped me. Thank you xxx

Thank you for that- that’s really good to know and I feel better after reading that!! Xxx

Thank you, you’re very kind. It’s all abit much at the moment. I need to stop thinking about it. I’m sure I’ll get used to the idea…I’m the same, can’t stand the in-laws or the fuss of any sort!! It’s the needless stupid questions “where will the baby sleep? Will you breast feed this time, you didn’t last time (I didn’t get any milk after my emergency section so thanks for reminding me that I’m a double failure) etc etc. god I hate people lol xxx

@HonestButFair yeah cant stand the questions, getting angry just thinking about them! There are so many things that just aren’t anyone else’s business when someone is having a baby, I really don’t get why some people don’t seem to understand that! I had a section booked last time but wasn’t telling the in-laws because I didn’t want to have to divulge my private medical info and have it repeated to every man and their dog that my MIL saw before the baby arrived so I just said nothing and acted like there was no section booked. She cornered me one day and started asking about my birth plan, told me not to take an epidural because she didn’t need one. Yeah good for you (but for a section itl be pretty sore without one hun 🤣)! I just politely smiled and shrugged everything off with ‘oh we’ll see’ then sure enough, soon as she came to see the baby she starts diving in with all the questions about why I needed a section and made so many judgey comments. She even asked my pregnant friend at a later date what her birth plan was and clapped when she said she was trying to go naturally if she could. I could of slapped her 😂

Woops! So yeah.. keep it quiet as long as possible, deny all knowledge even when you’re sporting a massive bump, that’s my plan 🙈