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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should DP go to a wedding when I'm 39 wks pregnant?

31 replies

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 11:58

I can't make up my mind about it.

It's in August the week before I'm due. We are both invited but I don't reckon I'll fancy a 3-4 hour car journey, chasing DS round a wedding full of strangers (I've only met the guy once) a night in a hotel and then 3-4 hours back in the car again. I probably sounds like a miserable trout but I know how fed up, huge, hot and uncomfortable I was last time and it'll do my head in.

That's not to say I want to stop DP from going if he wants to.

My only worry is that I could obviously have the baby at any time, and am booked for a homebirth, as DS only took 4 hours and they say your second can be faster! So if I did go into labour whilst he was down there, the odds of him making it back in time are small. I know, the odds of going into labour on that exact day are smallish, but they're not tiny.

So what do you think? I don't want to stop him but I would be devastated if he missed the birth, and it throws up all kinds of logistical questions re someone looking after DS1 and there being no one to be with me in labour.

Help!

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speak2deb · 05/02/2008 12:02

I see the dilema and I can see why you wouldn;t want to be a killjoy, but if I was in your spot, I think I'd be pushing for him not to go.

It would be different if the wedding was closer or if your DS hadn't arrived in suh reord time. But considering your preious, I'd want to keep him a bit closer to home.

Chunkamatic · 05/02/2008 12:03

Is it one of his close friends? I would be tempted to suggest he didnt go. Would be different if it was just round the corner but 4 hours away is quite alot. Is he your only birth partner?

Who knows, you might even have your LO by then if it makes an early appearance!!

Mumblesmummy · 05/02/2008 12:04

I think if it's a 3-4 hour drive it would probably be best not to go.. but I suppose it's up to him. There's always going to be a chance that you'll have the baby in the 2 days he's away, and you'll both be worrying about it.

ThePFJ · 05/02/2008 12:04

I think unless its a really close relative of DPs then you should be honest with him and just tell him you are concerned and don't want him to be so far away for so long. I would be completely the same if I were in your shoes. Unless my DP was like best man or something, and even then there'd be issues.., I'd have to ask him to stay and pull a puppy face at him. He'll be away for over a day..I'd hate that. Tell him you need him. I bet you need to know he's there and close whether you think you'll go into labour or not. I would.

Good luck and hugs. xx

Rantmum · 05/02/2008 12:04

Would he be devastated if he missed the birth? Because I would think that maybe he could see the logic of being around during the last couple of weeks?
I know that if it were me I would ask dh not to make any out of the ordinary plans for the weeks surrounding my due date, but I know that I am paranoid when pg. Still - dh would hate not to see his child come into the world, so he is on board with me about that.

Baffy · 05/02/2008 12:06

I can totally see why you wouldn't want to go.

And given how fast your last birth was, the fact that you'll be 39 weeks, and how far away the wedding is, I too would be tempted to ask him not to go.

If your lo has arrived by then he may be fine to go anyway!

Just not sure it's a risk I'd want to take though. What does your dp think?

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 12:08

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Yup, he's going to be my only birth partner, and as I'll be doing hypno birthing again he's going to be fairly integral! And yes, I think he would be gutted if he missed it. I certainly would, and very pissed off into the bargain.

He's only seen this chap twice in 5 years but he's known him since he was tiny and it's one of his best mates. I do feel a bit bad, but he knocked me up!

Glad to see am not just being unreasonable.

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funnypeculiar · 05/02/2008 12:10

Not a miserable old trout at all - a very sensible one
As you say, not worth taking the risk that he misses the birth for what is (one assumes, if you've only met him once) a not-very-close friend.

Option B - could he say - he'd LOVE to make it, but can't promise as it's so near your due date. If you're feeling OK, he will come up for the wedding itself and a quick drink afterwards (ie they don't have to factor him in for the reception meal, so if you don't want him to go on the day, no-one would be annoyed, if you feel fine, he could show his face (but not get rat-arsed)

pooka · 05/02/2008 12:11

DH went to a wedding 4 hours away, on my due date. He was best man, and he left really early in the morning, and came back as soon as the ceremonies were over. I was also booked for a homebirth, with my second.
In the end had ds a week later, so 41 weeks.
I personally would say he should go. Obviously not drink, and drive there and back in a day.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 12:11

We've not had a lot of time to talk about it, but he's a bit annoyed and mentioned driving down there just for the day and then driving back. Still leaves a good 12 hour window for the baby to appear though!

I guess he could leave the invitation open in case the baby comes early? That would be a compromise of sorts?

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Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 12:13

I suppose ultimately it's a gamble, and it's down to him. But I will be so if it happens while he's there and I have to give birth alone.

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ThePFJ · 05/02/2008 12:17

Wait til he leaves and then call him on his mobile an hour later and say 'baby!' then call him back 30 mins later and say 'false alarm!!' and continue... that way he never gets too far away.

Only joking. But really, I'd be so upset too if my DP went.

Sympathy for you...

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 12:29

ThePFJ - that would be tres amusing (for me, at any rate!)

I think there might be something wrong with me, I want him to make his own decision, but I want it to be the right one and will be hacked off if he doesn't come to the same (reasonable) conclusion that I do.

Does that make me horribly twisted?

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PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt · 05/02/2008 13:04

I think you'd be twisted to think nothing of him going away! My DH won't travel within 2 weeks of my due date and even then he's not happy. You are absolutely in your rights to ask him to stay - are you always asking him to give things up btw? If not, he may appreciate how strongly you feel if you've actually had to bring it up.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 13:16

Nope, I never ask him not to do anything, I've always said I'm happy for him to go out whenever he wants, for him to play/watch football etc. The only time anything like this has ever come up is when he started moaning about not being in a band anymore/generally having a social life and beign himself. Thing was, DS was only a week old and since I couldn't even have a wee without crying his whining got short shrift.

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ja9 · 05/02/2008 13:18

i think the distance is the issue when you are so far on.

surely he won't want to risk it? you need him there for the birth...

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 13:22

Well, I'll see what he comes out with when he gets home tonight after a whole day to think about it.

If he's still talking about going, what do I do - just say "I'd rather you didn't if am still pregnant on that day?"

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jem1969 · 05/02/2008 13:47

My DH was due to go to a wedding when I was 37 weeks pg. I decided not to go as it was miles away and I was already huge at 30 weeks, but was happy for him to go.
Actually gave birth at 36 weeks so he didn't get to go anyway but had he gone and missed the birth (he would have been 5 hours away and probably not fit to drive...) I can't imagine how gutting it would be.
That was my first pg so I guess the chances of having the 2nd one earlier as higher? PUt your foot down!!

neolara · 05/02/2008 14:35

Er... My DH was due to go to a stag weekend, 5 hours drive away, when I was 37 1/2 weeks. The day before he was due to go BabyNeo arrived very speedily. Personally, I wouldn't risk it. He, and I, would both have been absolutely gutted if he had missed it. It's a hard one though...

Baffy · 05/02/2008 14:59

why don't you turn it back round on him if you're uncomfortable about asking him outright not to go...

ask him how would he feel if he misses the birth? does he want to take that risk?
(especially given your past history and the very real risk that he might miss it if he goes down there, gets drunk and stays over)

then ask what he thinks he should do...

jammi · 05/02/2008 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

bohemianbint · 05/02/2008 19:01

Good good good. So we're all agreed if he wants to go, he's an arse.

I will go and have a chat with him now, armed with the knowledge that MN is behind me!

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PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt · 06/02/2008 13:32

how did it go??

tictacto · 06/02/2008 13:33

I would go. I would kick myself if he wasn't with me and I laboured or if I went 2 weeks overdue.

lollipopmother · 06/02/2008 13:48

I'd kick his arse! 39 weeks pregnant and he wants to go on a knees-up with a chap he hasn't seen in donkeys! My partner wouldn't even try it, he'd know how furious I'd be if I ever knew he'd even thought of it!

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