Unplanned pregnancy - what to do!

[KK67]

This week I discovered I’m pregnant and it’s come as a total shock! It’s super early, about 4-5 weeks and I’m not sure whether to proceed and it’s tormenting me…

To give some context, my husband and I are happy and we have 2 boys aged 4 and 5 - they are our world. I always wanted 3 - husband was happy either way. We dont have any family support nearby and whilst my husband is a high esrner, I gave up a well paid job in London and retrained as a yoga teacher when second was born as it’s important to us, with the lack of family network nearby, that I can be around for them. We live in the south east and have an extortionate mortgage - so whilst the topic of a third baby was an obsession of mine - we decided it would put financial strain on us so we would stick at 2. I’m not exaggerating though when I say that this decision devastated me - I always wanted one more and never felt complete. The conversation has come up weekly!

We recently bought a new house with a bigger mortgage - we are just settling in and adjusting to (even) higher outgoings - (thank you interest rates!) and I’ve tested positive! We are shocked - the odds are I’m to none and we don’t actually know how this has happened. I’m 39 so this is potentially a last chance but I’m so worried what this could do to us financially and how that could impact my existing children’s futures. We are locked into our mortgage for 5 years and we don’t live in a mansion property is just extortionate the here but we are tied to the location due to husbands job. Ofcourse I could try and pick up my previous career again - but then it would take years to rebuild to where I was before and before it would make a meaningful difference financially. I would also feel like existing children are losing some of my attention by gaining an extra sibling and losing time with me as I would never be around for them if I returned to work in London. Then again…I think this baby is the final piece to the puzzle I’ve been wanting for years. Husband points out the very obvious risks and impracticalities but is a real risk taker and wants me to be happy - so is supportive either way and feels this impacts me more than him (my career I’ve been rebuilding is gaining traction and youngest starts school in September so would be a step back for me and change in current career plans etc.

I feel so lost and due to an activity based holiday next month, need to get my skates on with my decision.

Anyone out there who has been in a similar position terminated then regretted? Any personal insights to share? Totally and utterly devastated and anxious - don’t know what to do for the best.

Around this time last year, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant again. I was absolutely devastated as we already had 3 and my youngest was only just 1.

My elder 2 children had a close age gap and I had never wanted to go back to that stress. I also had definitely never ever wanted 4 children.

But, for deeply personal reasons, I couldn’t have an abortion.

Thankfully the pregnancy was straightforward physically. Mentally it got better once we started to tell people, although I don’t think anyone knew just how tough I found it mentally or how worried I was.

Well, the baby is now here. DC is absolutely AMAZING and is loved by everyone.

My DH has really, really stepped up to the plate, as he knew that this was a huge shock to me. And I honestly couldn’t do it without him.

We don’t have any help either, and it can feel hard, but I am delighted now with my gorgeous little family, and feel very lucky to have my little accident!

I wish you all the best with your decision. It is very tough. But remember, whatever you decide, know you have made the right choice for you and your family.

I had an unplanned third when my others were 18 and 9 😫.
I was age 41 too which definitely wasn't in my plans.
But I didn't have to make tough decisions because when I found out I was expecting I also found out I was 25 weeks pregnant.
She has absolutely slotted into our lives and I can't imagine life without her now but it was a blooming shock x
Good luck on whatever you decide x

I am in a similar situation. Me and my husband have discussed a third but decided the financial burden and time pressures we were going to stick with 2 (they are 5 and 6), we just had our fist Christmas where I really felt our family was complete. And then this week I’ve tested positive, between 4-6 weeks pregnant.

We are about to buy a new house (3 bedroom), luckily it has space to add a 4th. Also we’re going to need a new car, but we’ve decided to keep the baby, I know it will be hard but in my heart I’ve wanted another baby for a long time so I can’t deny that. My husband has agreed to go for a vasectomy before the end of this pregnancy, no more surprises.

it’s a tough decision, I’ve already told some of my family, and keep crying, which they are very understanding of, but they are all delighted, which is helping me see it as good news.

This message has popped up while I am unexpectedly late for a period. I am in almost exactly the same situation as the OP only my husband most definitely does not want a 3rd and I desperately did but had made peace with 2. It would be hard but I have built up a good small business that would be very flexible around a baby, plus my youngest is starting school in September. We are also about to buy a new house, which thankfully is much bigger - so there would be space.

I am now trying to work up the courage to take a test.

Yes me, unexpectedly found out pregnant with our third DC and very similarly we thought two
or three. The age gap between our second and third was too small and we would have had double childcare costs which we could not afford.

My DH didn’t react well to the situation and stressed out. We decided to not go forward with the pregnancy and I do regret it in some ways I felt a bit swayed by DH reaction. I feel like an awful person, had it been a year later we wouldn’t have made that choice. All because of money and age gaps (no family support here either)

We are talking about ttc again but I now feel like I don’t deserve another child.

There’s nothing wrong with no going forward with a pregnancy but in your situation OP I think I would continue. The age gap is good, yes money is a worry but really sit down and work it out. If you end up in debt then you can’t continue. If you can scrape by for a while then go for it.

I would love to know what you decided to do. I'm in exactly the same situation and feeling absolutely terrified, shocked and upset. My husband really doesn't want a 3rd and wanted me to take the morning after pill. Have no idea what to do.