Name choice debate

[Boniodog22]

Did anyone else debate names?!
We’re keeping baby’s gender a surprise.
My husband and I have agreed I can choose the first name, although he does agree with the choices, and he’s picking the middle names.

The middle names are being named after 2 his relatives- one sadly died young and the other from cancer.
He has a large family but both deceased individuals passed away within the last 5 years, with yearly memorial celebrations and very much still in conversation.

I fully respect this but both have become almost ‘saintly’ among my in laws and I’m concerned the middle names may start to be used as a first name or even used as a nickname/association.

I am hormonal so that doesn’t help but I’ve suggested we have two middle names to try

**try to dilute the intensity.

My husband doesn’t agree at all but if we keep with just the 1 middle name the baby will have an identical name to the two deceased family members which doesn’t sit ok with me.

My in laws are dominating and have pretty much seen me as a vessel the whole pregnancy so having this too will, I feel, only encourage their behaviours and want to associate with the deceased individuals.

I don’t think that will happen.

my middle name is that of a relative who died in childhood before I was born. No one has EVER called me by that name. It’s a typical unused middle name.

I like the connection though.

it’s a small quiet way of honoring the deceased, not a way of bringing them back to life by using the name on a new child!

Could you use 1 name for the middle name and add another middle name not connected then you have the other name left for if you have another child... imagine how much attention the first child will get from the family just by having these names ...

Yep I agree - it’s a nice way to honour the deceased but my MIL is suffocating and if we have a girl the middle name my husband wants to use is connected to a niece my MIL saw as a favourite daughter 🤦🏼‍♀️
it would be incredibly overbearing.

I have suggested using a completely separate names as a second middle name to try to dilute the intensity of the situation - the names would be linked to famous historical people who mean something to us but my husband is declining this….

It’s frustrating as my in laws don’t like me much and see this baby as their baby and are counting down the days until birth - I’m 38 weeks now.
Ive had to implement boundaries regarding visits and during the pregnancy they have either been in touch making inappropriate suggestions/advice or making no contact at all.

They have 9 grandchildren all boys so they are all hoping this will be a girl….so with the middle name also associated to a relative that was so cherished by my overpowering manipulation MIL I’m not best looking forward to it….