Would you say something or leave it?

[IslandGirl5]

So I’m 32 weeks pregnant with DD number 2. My first pregnancy was during lockdown and I didn’t really get a baby shower which is totally fine! But this time round when I told my 2 best friends they made a thing about saying how they’ll get to throw me a baby shower this time and seemed all lovely and excited about it! Except they haven’t, and I’m a lucky one I know because my partner took it upon himself or organise a last minute one for me and I’m so grateful! But can’t help but feel disheartened as it’s almost a running thing with these friends now. When we all went off to different universities I visited them but they never came to me plus many other examples. I wouldn’t have even minded throwing my own baby shower as I quite like organising stuff like that and I don’t want to sound like an entitled brat, it’s not about the baby shower, it’s more about being disappointed by false promises again. I’m just feeling a bit down about it, maybe it’s hormones I don’t know! But would you say something? Or just leave it and focus on yourself? TIA

Leave it.

Possibly they forgot/ didn’t realise it meant so much to you/ life got in the way, in which case you shouldn’t sour a good friendship.

Or they don’t really care, in which case they’ll see you ‘saying something’ as whinging and be even less inclined to do things for you in the future.

Leave it & give the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps they felt the weight of your expectation or knew your boyfriend would likely step in.
Maybe they are busy with life, work, themselves who knows? People are complicated & let's face it baby showers are a bit naff!

Anyway if you've been friends from university you must have lots in common/shared life experiences & it'd be a shame to lose that.

Also in any group there's usually one who works a bit harder to stay in contact, be the glue... I have a lovely friend just like that who is incredibly thoughtful always remembering birthdays, anniversaries provides handmade gifts etc. That's just not in me. Doesn't mean she's not a very valuable friend who I'd pull out all the stops for if she needed me.

‘it’s almost a running thing with these friends now’ 🚩🚩🚩
I have to disagree with the above comments.
I had a real friend cull these last couple of years as I realised I was making unreciprocated efforts with people constantly.
Once you stop being the one making the effort all the time you see who your true friends are.
I’m not sure about you but university was a long time ago for me (13+ years) and so I also don’t have much in common with people I did back then.
I really don’t understand why people hang on to friendships just because they’ve had them for a long time.
The best friends I have I’ve only known for 5 or less years and I couldn’t be more thankful for them.
I’m not saying to cut them off straight away but stop making the effort and let them come to you and if they don’t, you know to stop wasting your time.
Communication is also key to any relationship and hiding your hurt isn’t going to do your friendship any good either.
Neither will not setting healthy boundaries.
Tell them how you feel, you can do this in a non aggressive way just ask for a chat with them and say you just wanted to let them know you felt a little let down as they asked to plan you a baby shower and never did.
It wasn’t that you expected it but that it was offered and accepted and then you weren’t told they couldn’t make it happen and it caused you a bit of stress and upset.
Their reaction to that will also speak volumes.

Baby showers are chavvy and unnecessary. We aren't Americans.

Missing the point spectacularly

You feel neglected and left out by your friends. Have you spoken to them about your feeling.

Maybe its time to talk and not let resentment build up.

I'd feel disappointed too! Perhaps they were just saying it as a "we can't wait to celebrate with you" rather than that they would organise the whole thing.

Do they have kids themselves yet?

In my experience, after having DC - you can start to reevaluate friendships as your time is much more precious, but if they're otherwise nice kind people I'd let this one go!

Don’t say anything but don’t put the effort in with them either.

Thanks guys it’s nice to have a different perspective! We’ve literally been friends since school so before uni and it’s just us 3 that have kept the friendship going and still have things in common etc! I know it won’t have come from a malicious place but I do just feel a bit disappointed and let down by them sometimes. But they also don’t have kids yet! We’re 28 and I’m the first to have kids and it does sometimes show differences! I might just let this one go but also put my energy into baby number 2 and see what effort is made without my prompting and go from there. I’ll always have space for them but I’m aware people grow apart and that just might be the natural flow of things right now. We shall see