Friend - Advice

[RubyF30]

So my friend and I have both been on our own pregnancy journeys, both been trying for years.

I said to my friend one day one of us will fall pregnant first and I wanted her to know that if she was first she can tell me as I would be over the moon for her. She then said to me if I was first that she would be really annoyed but happy which I thought was a bit bizarre to say.

I've recently found out I'm pregnant and decided to tell my friend. She said to me she was so jealous, but happy for me. Then never texted me again. No congratulations or asked how I'm feeling. And like most pregnant women I feel like crap. And it's a lonely journey the pre 12 week.

We messaged before this every day. I had a feeling she would act like this. But I can't believe the way she is being and it makes me feel like I can't enjoy my pregnancy or talk about it.

Before when we spoke about our journeys together she would always go on about how I didn't understand what she has been through. But I also lost a baby and went through a difficult time conceiving so I feel like I am tip toeing. I get she must be upset but totally feel like she is going the wrong way about it.

I don't know what to do xxx

First of all... congratulations!

Second of all, I would give her some space for now. It would be hard for her to see you so happy, and with a growing bump etc when that's what she is longing for so much. It could be the case that she will 'come back to you' when she is ready, or this may be the end of your friendship if she is not able
To overcome her jealousy. I think you'd be better focusing on friends who are supportive, positive and happy for you rather than one who you won't be able to share your experiences with as you will soon grow resentful of having to hide your happiness.

@AlwaysFoldingWashing Thankyou what lovely kind words. 💖💖

Hi OP. Congratulations! Such a tough and difficult situation. I was in a similar situation with my friend, she fell pregnant first and despite being genuinely over the moon and excited for her I couldn’t help feeling very upset and was in tears a few times because of it as I was convinced I’d never get so lucky. But lucky for me I fell pregnant within a month or so of finding out she was pregnant.

How long has it been since you told your friend? Maybe she just needs some more time to process it.

@RubyF30 Congratulations!!!
It’s absolutely fantastic news that you are pregnant!!

I really feel for you, as you should be able to be over the moon and excited, with all of your friends and family and have lots of support but I don’t think your friend has any choice at the moment.

I’m sure she won’t be meaning to be like this, she won’t want to be the way she is being. She will be genuinely happy for you deep down but the grief, hurt and wanting that she’s feeling may just be debilitating.

Maybe just give her a bit of space but make sure that you celebrate your pregnancy with other people and look for support from them.

Your pregnancy is very special and important and you deserve lots of help but I think your friend is just unable to do that at the moment.
It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t care, she’s just hurting with her own situation.

Congratulations 💖

Just give her some space. And focus on the ones that can be there for you x

Huge congratulations, what wonderful news!

She will be of course happy for you but her own pain and grief is taking over her right now. Give her space but also do reach out to her. Don’t wait for her. Acknowledge that you understand that it is hard for her and maybe even be her shoulder to cry on. It’s not about you, it’s her pain due to her circumstances.

personally I would never respond like your friend but I have friends myself like this and you just need to baby them a little bit. Be sensitive. Let her know you are still there for her and you understand it must be hard for her. Even reach out saying ‘thinking of you, love you and hope you are ok’

good luck x

Hey, slightly old thread but I suppose I am the jealous friend in my situation.
I've not long had a miscarriage and my best friend told me she was pregnant 3 weeks later.
Of course I am happy for her!! But I'm also completely heartbroken and overwhelmed with my own feelings of sadness and anger. I need space from her just for a little bit, so I can process what I'm going through and then I'll return, 100% happy and prepared to support her.
I don't want to bring her happiness down with my misery right now and your friend may be thinking the same.
Please give your friend space and time, you've got many years of happy and special moments with your baby still to come, just let her grieve the babies she'll never have.