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Pregnancy

Third pregnancy, considering abortion

17 replies

pisces1989 · 07/01/2023 19:36

Hello

I’m not sure what I’m looking for posting on here, probably just advice. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with my third child. Completely unplanned and a huge surprise. My partner has said he doesn’t want a third and we’re both really struggling as to what to do. Either option seems awful. For me work is a nightmare, this would be my third maternity leave in five years so not ideal - I very much doubt they would be happy. Plus financially not sure how we would cope with childcare fees etc.

Does anyone have any advice or been through anything similar? Thanks in advance x

OP posts:

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confusedlots · 07/01/2023 19:49

I wouldn't let work sway your decision. You think they wouldn't be happy, but people got on maternity leave or leave jobs all the time and they have to deal with it.

I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with number 3 a couple of years ago. I love my 2 kids dearly but I just didn't think I could cope with another. We also had a lot going on in our lives which would have made being pregnant and bringing another baby into the mix even more difficult.

I made the decision to abort and it was the right decision for us. I regret ending up in that situation but I don't regret the decision I made.

Jazamataz · 07/01/2023 19:54

I was in a similar position and opted to abort, it was the right choice but I knew immediately it was. If you’re unsure then don’t rush anything but in my case I considered my living children’s future and how that may be impacted and the decision came fairly easily from there.

Womble19 · 07/01/2023 19:55

OP, I can't give advice from having been in a similar situation personally but I agree that there's no need to let work's reaction impact your decision. I know several people who've had very short gaps between pregnancies including who have come back from one maternity leave already pregnant again and everyone knows that's just how it goes. You should listen to your heart.

Abigail69 · 07/01/2023 19:58

Forget what work will think that can easily be managed.

Other than that you have negatives and based on that, abortions seems the way forward as you don't want to have a nervous breakdown and or go under financially and or risk taking it out on each other and or the kids

If you was financially secure, had the space in your home and both of you were around 50% happy then I would have said go for it

The other factors are could be twins/tripplests etc and God forbid a child that needs more care than a helathy baby - lots to consider IMO.

I've not mean to cause offence etc and sorry if advance if some can't stomach what people have to consider in the real world.

Abigail69 · 07/01/2023 20:00

Abigail69 · 07/01/2023 19:58

Forget what work will think that can easily be managed.

Other than that you have negatives and based on that, abortions seems the way forward as you don't want to have a nervous breakdown and or go under financially and or risk taking it out on each other and or the kids

If you was financially secure, had the space in your home and both of you were around 50% happy then I would have said go for it

The other factors are could be twins/tripplests etc and God forbid a child that needs more care than a helathy baby - lots to consider IMO.

I've not mean to cause offence etc and sorry if advance if some can't stomach what people have to consider in the real world.

Just want to ad OP, dont rsuh, sleep on it for a few weeks but if you are certain the earlier the better.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/01/2023 20:02

Your body. You choice only.
Take employer's opinion out of the equation. It doesn't matter what they think or want. This is your life and you have rights.

How do you envision your life; your family; your old age? Who is around you? What makes you happy?

Your partner not wanting another is also immaterial. You are pregnant. He could've snipped at any time if he felt that way. Instead, left it up to you to take/not take precautions and now says he doesn't want it. That is completely unfair to you. Also, quite controlling of him. He gets the freedom to reproduce, but you don't?

Are you able to take the children away alone for a couple days to give it some thought without pressure? Maybe stay with family?
Last thing I'll say is we always manage to get through hard times and are better for it. If your relationship hinges on this then I'd be looking at my partner in a very different light. He should have just said he'll abide your choice whatever it is.

Regardless of your decision I wish you an easy one. 🌹

LuckeyBuoy · 07/01/2023 20:06

As PP have said, work's opinion is completely irrelevant. You need to think only about what's best for you and your existing children. If you did want to go ahead, you'd find a way to sort out the childcare. Your partner's view is obviously not so irrelevant, but he surely knows that if you have sex, there is a possibility of pregnancy. Personally, I couldn't have had an abortion, though that doesn't mean other women shouldn't decide otherwise.

mynameislaetitia · 07/01/2023 20:08

Just make sure you take the time to listen to your gut feeling. Don't be swayed by your DH's reaction of saying he doesn't want a third. It's for YOU to decide. Do whatever YOU really truly want, and everything else can be worked out in time.

Holliegee · 07/01/2023 20:10

My 3rd baby was very much an unplanned baby and now 22 years later he is my absolute joy!!
at the time it was very difficult to even imagine a 3rd baby with what was going on but since the day he arrived he’s brought nothing but happiness to me.

TigerQueen89 · 07/01/2023 20:13

Hello,

So sorry you’re struggling with this. I made a recent post about not knowing what to do about my current pregnancy. But it’s not that relevant to your situation so won’t bore you with the details.

But I just wanted to say, like one of your other responses, do not give work a second thought. Honestly, you don’t owe them anything and I’m not saying this to mean, this applies to all of us: if your company needed to cut back (“rights-sizing”, absolutely terrible euphemism) they wouldn’t think twice about getting rid of you. Business is business and no one is indispensable. That’s what my late grandfather used to say and he was the Vice President of an oil, gas and petroleum company. He started on the bottom rung of the ladder and climbed his way to the top, so he saw all sides.

Assuming you work in a corporate environment anyway, not sure if this applies in the public sector so much.

pisces1989 · 08/01/2023 18:39

Thanks everyone, helps to have the advice. Still struggling tbh but I’m sure I’ll get there with the decision x

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Womble19 · 09/01/2023 00:03

Hang in there OP, take your time and don't feel rushed. Could you maybe take a day off work to help get some mental space to think about it if you can't have a day or two away? x

elliew818 · 09/01/2023 14:46

Hi OP, agree with everyone else regarding work, they should be the least of your worries!
My extended family is made up of a lot of accidental third babies and all parents said they would never have changed it. I’m not trying to sway your decision here, totally not my place. Just want to give you opinions of people who have experienced the same.
Whatever you decide I’m sure you’ll make the right choice for you and your family. Like others have said, take your time and try to remember that either decision is going to have a long term impact on you so trust yourself

larrb · 11/04/2023 19:43

Hello sorry to ask it’s just I’m going through a similar situation now- did you decided what to do?

pisces1989 · 14/04/2023 16:18

Hello, hope you’re doing ok. I actually had a miscarriage quite early on after posting this. Probably because of the stress tbh. Mixed emotions of relief and sadness. I still think what if and feel sad about it although no idea how we would have coped.

Nobody can make the decision for you. Looking back I know it would have been hard but think in years to come I would have been happy going through with a third. Also the free nursery funding the government have announced recently helps too! As this sadly played a part in me being so stressed about it financially.

Dont make any rash decisions and be kind to yourself. You’ll make it work if you want to x

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Honestmumof2 · 29/03/2024 07:02

sorry to ask on an old post, but has this situation made you think about a third now that time has passed? I had a similar situation and a year on from it I now find myself obsessing about a third but terrified of doing it x

pisces1989 · 29/03/2024 17:00

Hello, I’m exactly the same. Keep thinking about a third too ❤️ it’s hard because we are at a good place where things are getting easier having the two but I wonder if I’ll look back and wish I had a third. You’re not alone anyway. X

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