Severe knicker watch anxiety after hematoma stopping me leaving house

[ladydorito]

Hi everyone,

I'm after some practical mental health advice really. I'm 16+4, first very much wanted pregnancy and my first trimester was utterly ruined by a hematoma which caused me to bleed on and off for seven weeks, with about six visits to EPU for emergency scans after fresh gushes. (Sorry for TMI). I basically spent seven weeks on tentherhooks as was told hematoma could cause miscarriage (it was quite big when found and took a long time to shrink).

I have - touch wood and everything else - not bled since being 13 weeks and was told at last scan that they could no longer see the hematoma.

You would have thought that would be the best news ever, but three weeks on and I have developed agoraphobia so severe that even walking to the corner shop is an ordeal for me.

I'm just so utterly paralysed by the fear I'm going to start bleeding again while out and about. I can't go more than an hour tops without going to the toilet and checking I haven't bled. Small amounts of discharge make me freak out that my waters have broken (PPROM is more common with women who had hematomas or so I've read)

I think it's made worse that my three worst bleeds all happened when out of house, so it's almost like I've associated leaving with danger.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can push past this? DH is being amazing and putting no pressure on me but I just want my life back. I've had anxiety all through adulthood but never felt this level of not being able to leave the house.

I'm wondering if it'll get better after my 20 week scan, end of Jan, I'm just scared it won't and I'll spend the rest of my pregnancy locked inside like a Tudor noblewoman being "confined!"

Any advice so welcome, thank you so much.

Hi @ladydorito sorry to hear you’re struggling at the minute.
I totally understand why you’d be worried about leaving if your big bleeds happened then!
I had a huge hematoma bleed when I was 11 weeks with ds2 and thought I’d miscarried. Fortunately it didn’t happen again but I can understand the anxiety and knicker watching, particularly if it’s happened more than once.
I got quite superstitious afterwards and refused to wear the pjs I’d be wearing and then slept with a towel under me for about 10 weeks.
After my 20 week scan it settled my nerves quite a lot and I was getting regular movements then too so I’m sure it will massively help you too at that stage.
For now though I’d take it easy and maybe work your way up to bigger trips out and start with a 10 minute walk wearing a pad. Maybe that will help a little until you can build your way up to longer outings.

@elliew818 Thank you so much - I'm sorry to hear you went through a tough time of it too. I've started feeling what might be movements this week (could just be gas...!) and looking forward to them getting stronger. Pregnancy is rough on the old head.
You're right with little steps I think. We tried to go to the coast for a day over Christmas and I lasted half an hour before I had to get back in the car...

The fact you’re trying means you aren’t totally in your head and can see that your fears are totally justified but also that anxiety isn’t going to change the outcome either way. Don’t be so hard on yourself, the hormones alone mean we can be totally unreasonable and it’s allowed! :)

You should speak to your midwife! A bit of prenatal MH support could be the thing to nip this in the bud? Otherwise, just gradually build up your time outside but maybe try every day to reset your subconscious expectations?

Hello - I too had several massive bleeds in the first trimester (one of which happened at work) so I do understand where you're coming from. I had to go to a wedding around this time too and was terrified of it happening there - I tried to be practical about it and bought heavy duty night time incontinence pants from Amazon (pack is about £10) - they are designed to hold two full bladder's worth of urine so I figured they'd be enough to hold off a bleed until I could get to a loo. They are big and bulky and very unsexy but do the job (I presume, luckily didn't have a bleed when wearing them!) but did stop me worrying when leaving the house. Eventually, after a while of not having a bleed I got the confidence to stop wearing them. I'd also make sure to wear dark coloured trousers/tights/skirts etc during this time as if there was a bleed it would be a bit less obvious. When going to restaurants I'd sit on my coat so I didn't have to worry about bleeding all over the chairs. Basically doing little things to stop me worrying, and eventually after a few weeks after the bleeds stops I stopped worrying at all - I hope it will be the same for you! Good luck x

Nothing to add. I had this with two of my pregnancies and I feel your pain. Both my babies were big healthy boys. I really hope you get some support from your midwife 💐

Hi everyone, just joining this thread and after some reassurance.
I am currently nearing 11 weeks pregnant and also have been diagnosed with a hematoma/haemorrhage. I have been on and off bleeding now for 5 weeks and it’s beginning to get me down.
I had a miscarriage earlier in the year and have spent the majority of this pregnancy so far absolutely petrified and anxious.
Im also aware that I’m not quite ‘in’ the safe zone yet either as my 12 week scan isn’t for another week and a half.
I have had 2 private scans and numerous EPU visits which have helped knowing baby is ok but the minute the bleeding picks back up, I’m worrying again something is going to go wrong.
I would really appreciate any advice please as it definitely feels like a lonely place.
Thank you in advance x

I don't think you can push past this you need help. Contact your midwife to put you in touch with the perinatal care team..don't ignore this op. You wouldn't ignore other aspects of your health while pregnant

Argh zombie thread sorry. @Spears979 it's best you start your own thread now as time has passed by.

Hi @Spears979 - for some reassurance, I'm currently about to feed my four and half month old daughter who arrived in June none the wiser of the stress she'd caused us! She is worth all the anxiety and more and being a mum is magical.
My anxiety didn't get better on its own and I did seek support from perinatal mental health team who were brilliant.
I have to be honest, I was extremely anxious for the rest of pregnancy (we also had to have lots of growth scans which was another level of worry) and we may well be in the "one and done" club as although I really want another child, I can't bear the idea of another very stressful pregnancy and don't think it would be fair on my daughter either should I struggle.to cope.
All very best wishes to you and really hope all goes well at your scan. Hematomas are absolutely horrible, I don't think anyone can understand the stress they cause unless they've been there themselves.

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it! I'm so pleased everything went ok for you and you have a lovely healthy baby! I may reach out for some support as I don't want this to get worse in terms of my anxiety - although I'm sure that'll always be around like you said. Thank you again for your reassurance 😊

Hi @Spears979 I was told to go home and wait to miscarry.

Haematoma was twice the size of baby DD at about 10 weeks.

Baby is 15 now. It really is common, just so worrying.
Best wishes x

PS Congrats @ladydorito !