Actively trying V chilled

[Wilff]

My daughter is about to start her first month of trying to conceive .
she has shown me an ovulation chart and was excited at the prospect of an October birth.
My initial instincts were to explain that it many cases it can take a long time.
She is obviously completely aware of this fact but as her nature is a planner she's just doing those preparation steps and we'll see how it goes.
My question to you all is whether I was right to say that I have heard it helps when there's not too much eagerness & hope put on couples as it can add pressure without realising. Sometimes it's the couples who have no real sense of when & don't think about it too much ,that get pregnant sooner than expected.

Is this nonsense?🤔

I’m not sure it’s possible to add more pressure than to tell people that you’re TTC and hoping for a specific month of birth!

I would say the best advice is to track her cycles, get some ovulation sticks and then get on it at the right time. A baby is a blessing and any time of the year would be a gift. I’d also be very careful not to be telling people about this, esp as if it does happen easily it could be really insensitive to those struggling.

I don’t believe it happens more easily for those who aren’t tracking things than those who do, it just is talked about less

Great reply. Thanks everyone
You're absolutely right about how to approach pre-pregancy matters, very aware of not wanting to cause anyone any upset .

@Wilff I actually do believe it makes a difference.
Two of my cousins are huge planners and behaved similarly to your daughter tracking ovulation etc.
For me this in itself is pressure and often takes the fun out of the whole process too.
It took one of my cousins 2 years to conceive and the other is 3 years down the line and now going down the IVF route.
Myself and another cousin weren’t trying but said we’d keep a baby if we ever fell pregnant and both of us did within 2 months of coming off long term contraceptives.
I also have a friend who’s now actively trying for a second and doing it methodically and is struggling to conceive (the first was a let’s see what happens baby).
I’m not saying it makes a huge difference but from personal experience I’ve seen more struggles from planners than the let’s see what happens camps.

The book the impatient woman's guide to getting pregnant is good as it cuts straight to all the important things like tracking & timing to optimise success rates. You need to be able to do that and no amount of trying not to stress or being bothered about putting pressure on yourself will be of much use if you don't also plan based on fertility awareness. So knowing when you ovulate, knowing when to time for the fertile window before that and balancing that with enjoying and making the most of that process. If there is any cycle irregularity that's even more important. Chances of conceiving rise cumulatively the more cycles you go through so long as you are hitting the fertile window.

If people are struggling to conceive it is unlikely to be because they are stressed about it. If they are struggling they are more likely to try to recognise and try to remedy any underlying issues (e.g. being overweight, getting cycle day 2-5 bloods to check hormonal baselines, knowing how long their luteal phase is or day 21 (7 days post ovulation) progesterone blood test, etc). They may be more sufertile so for example coming off the pill or after breastfeeding, where hormones can take years for some to regulate.

foe us it took a out 9 months after a referral for primary infertility and a laparoscopy, when at the same time I lost weight and began finding out more about fertility awareness and my cycles regulated better. I have a history of irregular cycles that become more competent over time. I would be kidding myself if I thought I could have the luxury to plan birth month, but others can much more easily.

It's good to understand there's a range of normal so she doesn't feel she's failing if she doesn't get pregnant right away.