3rd trimester and struggling with stress and anxiety

[LDNLCN]

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to read this. I really needed a place to share this as I’m struggling atm.

I am 32 weeks pregnant and with my first. I am naturally a really negative person. I suffer from anxiety anyway but being pregnant has just heightened this to the point where I feel broken.

The pregnancy was unexpected but very much wanted. Timing probably wasn’t ideal as financially myself and my partner have taken a bit hit this year due to covid and cost of living crisis. We moved in with family to save money and a month later I found out I was pregnant.

My partner and I were shocked but so happy. I told my immediate family straight away as we were living with them so I knew it’d be hard to hide. They were so excited but instantly told me you have to stay positive and can’t think worst case scenario like you normally do. So that’s what I did. I am not religious but I prayed for a healthy pregnancy everyday. I had daily affirmations I would repeat while moisturising my belly. I tried anything and everything to not give in to the negativity. And then week 8 rolls around, I start spotting. I instantly start to google and am half reassured it is fairly common. I tell my midwife who doesn’t seem too worried. Then at 11 weeks just 4 days before my 12 week scan I have a bleed. I of course was hysterical and panicked obviously thinking the worst. I went to A&E (they were amazing) I was seen pretty quickly and checked over by a GP who referred me for a scan to check what was going on and if it was in fact a miscarriage. Thankfully when I had the scan, my tiny human was bouncing and wiggling away. The US completely reassured me and I was sent home.

Going into the 12 week scan I felt so positive. I felt like having just had a scan 4 days prior all would be well. During the 12 week scan it was exactly that. We were told the baby was perfect. The relief was unreal, and I thought finally being positive is working. The next day I get a random appointment booked into via the NHS app for two weeks time. Frantically I start googling wondering what is this for! I call the midwife unit and they say it’s nothing to worry about. Of course I’m thinking the baby has DS because that’s what my tests were for. The two weeks of waiting is absolute agony. My partner tried to reassure me if it were chromosomal abnormalities they wouldn’t wait two weeks. Anyway I go to the appointment with the consultant where I’m informed I have Low papp a. I’ve never heard of this and again of course panic and google away. I am put on aspirin and told I will get extra scans. The doctor says if anything I should see it as a positive as I get to see my baby more. I try to do this but automatically my mind goes to the worst case scenario.

I spend the next 8 weeks counting down to the 20 weeks scan. At the 20 weeks scan all looks okay. Yay, good news! For once there is no but. I genuinely left feeling so relieved. I start to finally get excited. Apart from the fact people keep telling me a look small for the amount of weeks I am (honestly, people are oblivious to how their words affect you). I am starting to feel good about the pregnancy.

Fast forward to the 28 week growth scan and we have the coldest US tech. First thing she says is “you don’t need this scan you just need the 32,36 and 40 week scan. But you’re hear now so I’ll do it.” I instantly disliked this woman and her attitude. She measured the baby in silence just letting us know she has a healthy heart beat. And then without out any details as to why says “she’s not the biggest baby in the world.” What does that even mean? I’m a shy person so stupidly didn’t ask her to elaborate. My partner thankfully isn’t and asked what she meant. She explained the baby was measuring small but not too small??? I left that scan with more questions than I went in with. I went through the notes and saw she was tracking at 10th percentile and her femurs were just 5th percentile. Obviously I googled and saw soft marker for DS, dwarfism etc. I panicked and again went worst case scenario mode. In my midwife appointment she reassured me everything was fine and my fundal measurement showed I was 97th percentile???? Again what! At this point I just told myself I need to be positive. Clearly if the midwife says so it’s all ok.

I decided due to the anxiety and stress to close my business. I couldn’t concentrate and lost all motivation to do anything but feel my babies kicks to make sure she is okay. I know it’s extreme but this is unfortunately how my anxiety works. I get tunnel vision and can’t focus on anything but the one thing that is causing me anxiety.

I spend all day stressing and worrying about her movement. That’s pretty much all I do. I’ve stopped going out and socialising due to this.

32 weeks comes around and I have my next growth scan. All seems to be going well, I can see the babies heartbeat and she’s moving around nicely then suddenly the US tech says sorry hold on a minute and starts ringing someone. Instantly I freeze. My partner seems oblivious and ask me if I’m okay. I could hear the worry in her voice and knew something was wrong. After 5 minutes she eventually says after remeasuring her femur bone and checking her kidneys. She wants a second opinion as she can see fluid on one of her kidneys. My heart literally breaks. We have to wait a few days to get this second opinion but I just feel broken at this point. How can I possibly stay positive anymore. At every hurdle it seems I need to jump higher. I spent most of the night after that appointment frantically googling and picking apart everything she said. She asked the gender (I now realise this is more common in boys, I’m having a girl). She kept remeasuring her femurs which is a soft marker for DS as well as the fluid in her kidneys. I just want for once to have good news. I’ve genuinely, started to believe I just can’t be happy. Maybe I’m just not meant to enjoy things.

I honestly don’t know how I can survive another 8 weeks of this. My anxiety and stress is to the absolute maximum. I just feel devastated.

No one seems to be giving me any answers and I feel totally lost at this point.

I am so jealous when I see people posing with their bump and showing videos of them packing their hospital bag. I haven’t bought anything or posted one photo because I am so scared. I don’t want to get excited. I haven’t enjoyed this pregnancy like every said I would. And have firmly decided whatever the outcome I’m never putting myself through this again. It’s been so damaging for my mental health.

No one seems to talk about this side of pregnancy.

A friend of a friend recently had an awful experience and unfortunately their baby didn’t make it. I think about them everyday. The worry has become all consuming I don’t know what to do anymore.

I am so sorry for the long ranting post but any advice on how to stay positive or anyone with similar experiences would be much appreciated.

Thank you again for taking the time to read my essay ❤️

Hi @LDNLCN
I just wanted to say that I read your whole post and I can relate so much to this anxiety. I am only 10 weeks and had a MMC last April and I can barely function for the anxiety I have at the moment. I've had spotting from 4 weeks and last week the GP told me I had BV and to take metronidazole antibiotics in the first trimester which I'm terrified of doing. I don't think people appreciate the sense of pressure and responsibility you feel in trying to grow a baby and always do the right thing, it's exhausting. You just be exhausted. Have you told the midwife how you are feeling? Have they given you one of those questionnaire things to do that measure anxiety? I have told my midwife and she had reassured me that help is available if I want it or need it. There are lots of groups and charities that you can speak to and there's always the perinatal mental health team too. You shouldn't have to feel like this for the next 8 weeks, I'm sorry you've had such anxiety all the way though. Does your family know how bad it is for you at the moment? x

@Butterflies12 thank you for taking the time to read my novel haha!

I completely relate to what you’re going through. The first trimester was the hardest for me. Just non stop worry. I would say the third trimester is now a close second. I’m sorry you’re going through it all as well, spotting is so scary. But I have been reassured many times although they say it’s not normal it is common and often nothing serious.

I think there needs to be more openness about anxiety. I’m pretty sure I’m also depressed as I have no motivation to do anything or go anywhere. My friend who is due two weeks after me is having the smoothest pregnancy and I can’t help but be jealous. No one ever tells you how mentally taxing pregnancy is right!

I have done the questionnaire. But I haven’t recently raised how anxious I am but I definitely will on my next appointment which is next week.

my family and partner do know. I often have tearful breakdowns so it’s impossible to hide. I feel sorry for them as they also feel hopeless.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly! X

It’s natural to be anxious when things aren’t going as smoothly as you’d hope and with what your poor friend has gone through.

I was similar in my third trimester- I’d posted
on here for advice as I was having cord and placenta issues and ended up having scans every 2-3 days for the 5 weeks before she arrived at 36 weeks by emergency c section

I stopped buying clothes, and was in tears most days - they believed she’d stopped growing around 30 weeks and she was on the 5th centile when she did arrive, I lost lots of blood and she was only 4lbs 3oz but she had no issues at all other than being small

I wished I’d enjoyed my pregnancy more, I was the same as you’re saying, didn’t go out other than for hospital appts and didn’t see anyone. I was constantly worrying and anxious.

There's not much advice I can give - but know you’re not the only one who feels like this and it does get easier x

I can relate. Honestly when I first got my BFP I was convinced I wouldn't have a baby. At every turn I was convinced the worst would happen. That BFP is now asleep in his Moses basket and is nearly 5 weeks old. I'm still convinced the worst will happen every day.

All I can advise is take it day by day. The anxiety is what it is, just have to roll with it. I find some days it's consuming, other days it's minimal.

Also you never have to do it again if you don't want to. I won't. Couldn't pay me to put myself through it again.

First of all OP, I am so really sorry you are going through so much of anxiety and are unable to enjoy this pregnancy... Reading your post, I felt like I am reading what I could write as my own story!

Long story short, I am 33+5 atm, ftm and undergoing scans two times a week to monitor baby's wellbeing because of the growth slowing down.. I am in the hospital every other day and can't find enough words to describe how stressful this is.. this is a much-needed and blessed pregnancy after two early MC s and after a long struggle to conceive.. everyday is a challenge and most of the days I am so ready to burst out crying😬 honestly can't wait for the baby to be born healthily..

All I am doing is living one day at a time; praying to God that everything will be alright and being extremely thankful for each day my baby spends in there.. as every single day is so important for baby's wellbeing before and after the birth..

Thinking about too far into the future will only gives me a panic attack and allows my mind to catastrophize every little thing.. stress is very bad for both of us, hence trying to distract myself with whatever is available... I crochet and knit, so it's a nice way to feel disconnected from everything for a while.. you could find something like that which will definitely help you to relax..

We can do this, please take care of yourself and your baby! All the best for rest of your pregnancy xx

@Trying81 @AG96 it’s so lovely to hear your babies are with you now and your stressful pregnancy is behind you. And thank you for reading and reassuring me! It feels so lonely sometimes especially with all the happy pregnant people on insta. I deleted the app yesterday as I realised that’s probably not helping me right now x

@drV I’m so sorry to hear you’re also going through a hard time. Not long now! At least we have the reassurance of regular scans (although sometimes those scan bring on my anxiety). I’m definitely trying to live more in the moment and not go worst case scenario. If you need someone to vent to I’m more than happy to be an ear x

OP I completely empathise with you and the other mums on here.
I had 3 early MC and it has taken us 6 years to get here. Currently 30+4.
I had bleeding from 8-16 weeks every day, covid at 20 weeks, Polyhydramnios at 28 weeks and a positive CMV diagnosis. We don’t know if it is a current infection or not. If it isn’t then it’s unlikely to harm bub but if it is some of the consequences are awful and have scared me senseless. We have had an appointment with fetal medicine just after Christmas which showed no abnormalities and bub just under 90th centile for growth.
this whole pregnancy has been full of anxiety for me as well, I’m not working atm either which doesn’t help.
got serial growth scans from 32 weeks and consultant appointments. Bub doesn’t seem to have a pattern of movement either just does whatever he wants, I’ve been to triage a few times with reduced movement and I’m sure it would be a lot more often if I went every time I was worried and panicking.
i have stopped preparing clothes and other stuff although we have most of it, it’s just stored in the spare room because I am terrified of not bringing home my baby.
I really hope we all get to bring our little ones home safely, it’s such a worrying time and a lot of people don’t seem to understand

This is really what motherhood brought for me, lots of anxiety and to be honest it never goes away! Once you are pregnant that’s it, you’ll always worry about your child.

Maybe get some CBT or other therapy to help!

What helped me was just realising that past about 24 weeks you’re a lot safer, even if the baby comes early there’s a lot that can be done Everyone worries about movements but as long as you monitor them and if in doubt go to the hospital / midwife to get checked then you know you’re doing all you can for your baby and anything else is outside of your control.

The midwives would rather check you every day if you have concerns about movements than have you sit worrying at home. The last few weeks are the hardest but we all go through it. Not long now!!

Wow I relate to this so heavily. I suffer with anxiety so much and can find it hard to be positive. When I was pregnant with my DD ( 6 years ago) I was really badly anxious and would visit triage convinced she wasn't moving properly. It got so bad they admitted me into hospital as I kept going there everyday convinced something was wrong. I stayed there for a month until I had my baby. During that pregnancy I wasn't with my child's father and had a very stressful time in general so assumed that's what made the anxiety worse.

Fast forward to now, pregnant again and going through the same thing. I have a very supportive partner who loves me and can't wait for the baby to be born but it doesn't make a difference to me. I spend everyday worrying about baby. What makes it worse is I've had high blood pressure in this pregnancy which I didn't have during my first pregnancy so I'm constantly worried I'm going to develop preeclampsia. Every week I check to see my baby's survival rate if he were to be born prematurely. I have no reason to believe he will but my anxiety tells me worst case scenario. I spend all day worrying when he moved last, if he doesn't move for an hour it sends me into a frenzy of worrying. I'm having growth scans due to the high blood pressure and like you OP, I was told at my last scan he was measuring quite small at 10th percentile. I managed to keep it together until I left the scan room but after that I was hysterical and inconsolable. Just another thing to worry about.

I wake up in the night to check he's still moving, It's horrible. I've had a councillor involved but it hasn't helped at all. I know this happened with my daughter and when he's born I won't feel like this anymore but it's so horrible. Quite worried about the possibility of developing post part depression as-well. I know I'm very unwell with my anxiety right now but I don't see what help I can get. I'm nearly 31 weeks and I will probably be induced at 37 weeks due to my anxiety. I don't know how I will get though last weeks either tbh. I'm taking it day by day.

@cantfunctionatall it does sound like we are having very similar experiences! I hope the next few weeks are much smoother for you. I knew baby would likely be small because of Low Papp a but still doesn’t help when midwives and sonographers are so vague! I’m only 5ft1 1/2 and my partner is 5ft 10 so I’m hoping she’s just a shorty like my family. Good luck with everything ❤️

I just wanted to share an update for anyone who is currently struggling with anxiety in pregnancy. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m now sat here with my two week old baby. The birth like my pregnancy wasn’t easy (emergency c-section after reduced movement) but so unbelievably worth it.

@LDNLCN congratulations!!! 💞 So glad you are feeling better too ☺️
I'm 19 weeks now and just want baby to be here!

@Butterflies12 Thank you! Not long now till you’ll be holding yours too. I hope you’re keeping well.

(also forgot to mention she was born at 38 weeks 5 days and weighed 6.5lbs. So not as small as they expected!)