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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Introducing new baby

12 replies

Halloumi22 · 03/01/2023 17:45

So we have a DS who will be 3 next month and 37 weeks pregnant.
His speech and understanding are amazing so we’ve discussed his baby sister coming, read him a book about a new baby, where she is right now, plus he’s helped get her room ready and seen what we’ve bought for her. We’ve talked to him about what we’ll need to do to look after her too, that she might cry, won’t be able to talk like him at first and that no matter what, he’ll always be our favourite boy. We’ve shown him videos of him as a baby too so he can see what babies are like in a snapshot.

I’m under no illusion however that when the reality of a baby in his home permanently occurs, it will be different!
I’ve also had a sudden panic around, how on earth do you manage with two who both need you but in different ways!?

DS and I have always had an amazing bond and I’m scared to lose that. Over recent weeks, he’s also (I imagine sensing the change coming) become even more attached to me than ever before. He refuses to allow his daddy to do mainly anything for him like change him, shouts and cries if his daddy tries to even come into the same room as us or sit on the sofa I’m on, follows me everywhere he can and if I go into the kitchen or upstairs, even just for something as small as to get a drink (!) he starts shouting that he wants me. It’s become really quite stressful!

I was wondering how best to go about her coming home and those first few weeks. We plan on making sure any visitors greet him first so he doesn’t feel displaced and also perhaps buying him a small gift ‘from’ his sister.
Any ideas or advice appreciated!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TheGriffle · 03/01/2023 17:48

When he first meets his sister, make sure you’re not holding her. We made sure dd2 was in her Moses basket when dd1 met her for the first time. It will be fine. You all muddle along and find a way. Sometimes your ds will have to wait for what he needs and sometimes the new baby will have to wait. They will be fine.

UsernameNotPresent · 03/01/2023 17:56

Watching with interest, as I am now 9 weeks pregnant with #2, and have a very cuddly very attached to me DS aged 2.5 when the baby will arrive.

Halloumi22 · 03/01/2023 19:07

@TheGriffle - thanks for that, I hadn’t even considered the idea of them being in the basket so a good pointer.

OP posts:
AlwaysFoldingWashing · 03/01/2023 19:12

I only have one but my friends with two close in age have all had a present to give the older sibling from the younger sibling and all have said that went down a treat.... good luck!

Saltywalruss · 03/01/2023 19:14

Put the present in the basket 😉

WalkiesAndBiscuits · 05/01/2023 22:29

I had the same worry a few months ago but DS (who had just turned two when his sister arrived) absolutely dotes on her, he actually ran past me to see her when we brought her home. And it’s been so nice to see him bond more with his dad now as I’m less available to help him.

lifehappens12 · 05/01/2023 22:45

We did the Moses basket with my nearly 3 year old when we brought his younger brother home. We expected a lot of jealously but it didn't happen - he went of and found the baby toys to place in the Moses basket.

When the baby was newborn I found it tough post c-section to do as much as I used to with my toddler - I am the parent that takes him out for walks parks etc. we managed but it was almost easier when the baby was tiny as the baby slept and I could focus on his brother. When they both cry and need attention - I sort out the one that is quickest first. So eldest needs a snack done, then feed baby.

The hardest part was once the baby is crawling and wrecking his older brothers train set - now there is much more upset to manage and trying to help them play together!

elliew818 · 06/01/2023 16:31

i agree with a present and we came home from the hospital and left ds2 in the car seat so ds1 could go over to him when he was ready. DS1 was exactly 2.5years and the biggest mummy’s boy so I was very concerned about exclusively breastfeeding a newborn. In the end DS1 was totally fine and absolutely loves his brother, when we came home from the hospital he was desperate to hold him and give him a kiss (from the least affectionate kid ever!) was the loveliest moment and huge relief. I’m sure it will be the same for you but just don’t have high expectations just in case!

Halloumi22 · 06/01/2023 19:17

Thank you all for your suggestions and comments, appreciate them and hoping it will be okay :)!

OP posts:
FebMama · 06/01/2023 19:21

Thanks for the useful thread!

In a similar boat OP. DS1 will be 3 in February and I'm currently 35 weeks. Noticing DS becoming verrrry clingy in the past week like he senses change is imminent!

SUBisYodrethwhenLarping · 06/01/2023 19:27

Yes totally agree do not be holding the baby when older sibling arrives

Also make sure that when visitors come to visit that they ignore the baby at the beginning and not rush past older child to get to baby
The child will not understand why last week granny or neighbour or aunty wanted to look at books with me or talk to me but now this baby has arrived and they don't want to talk to me or for me to show them my picture or my train set or new car or play kitchens and pretend to eat my plastic food I have made for them etc or read stories to me etc etc

Please ask everyone to ignore baby and react to older child like they did before baby arrived

The baby won't care but the older child or children will do

If they bring a present for the baby also bring one for older child even if it is something small like jigsaw or book then do it with child OR don't bring present on arrival or when older child is not there at nursery etc

Chanel05 · 07/01/2023 09:05

My dd is 2 and a bit and my ds is 3 weeks old. She met him in the hospital cot. Was so excited, lots of strokes and kisses.

Been quite up and down since we've been home. Mostly ignores the baby or ignores me if I'm holding him or when bf. Very jealous when dh holds him as she's a daddy's girl. Hoping things improve soon but tantrums have increased tenfold.

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