35 weeks . Terrified . Dark thoughts and low. Birth anxiety

[Lolly127]

Hi all ,
really struggling . First pregnancy , mental health suffer ( anxiety and health anxiety ) struggled with the shock of pregnancy as I wrote it off due to fears of dying in birth . Spent a lot of time in denial and I was soon 5 months .
under peri natal ….it’s ok but not helping much . Well I’m on week two of barely any sleep .
convinced I’m going to die in my sleep of pregnancy complications , die in birth as it’s going to be a big trauma . I panic and get tachycardia ( Increase hr ) no one seems to be concerned . But I’m convinced it will pack in during labour . C section also scares me . Sometimes I think I would be better off not here as I have this impending doom . I don’t feel exited atall. I’m losing touch with reality and I could go at any time and I feel like I’m not in any fit state . No motivation atall

@Lolly127 so sorry you are feeling this way.

It is good to hear you are under the perinatal team. What support are they providing? Do you have a key worker or a point of contact? It sounds like you need some extra support right now. Could you call the team in the morning and tell them exactly what you have posted on here?

You should call 111 and select option 2 if you feel you cannot wait until the morning. Or contact the Samaritans on 116 123 if talking to someone might help.

I felt the exact same as you when I was pregnant with my first. I couldn't bond with him because I thought I'd either lose him or I'd die. My brain didn't entertain the scenario that I'd be okay and have a baby at the end of it.

Have you told the perinatal team exactly how you're thinking? Are you on meds? They will have a psychiatrist on the team who could maybe speak to you about some PRN medication to help?

It may be hard for you to believe right now, but you're going to be okay. You're going to come out of the other side of this. Xx

Hi op, I also felt pretty terrified about giving birth for a few reasons. I ended up asking for an elected section and I was so scared going in, but just wanted to say that if I knew then what it was like I'd have been probably a little nervous but mainly excited instead as it was the most amazing experience and the team that did my section were so caring and reassuring because they knew I was nervous and they paid lots of attention to the birth plan I'd written. It was a far, far nicer experience than I expected.

I made the decision quite late on because I was so scared of both options and didn't know what to do, but there's a birth choices consultant (at least in my area there was) who's job it is to help you navigate what's the best type of birth for you and try to work through any fears or worries you have. You just need to ask your midwife to make a referral. I met her briefly because it took a few weeks and my section was already booked by that stage but she was lovely and i think it would really have helped me figure out a plan if id met her earlier. I also did a lot of the hypnobirthing techniques and even though a lot of it, i felt, was geared to vaginal delivery, I still ended up using all the breathing techniques-it honestly really helped me stay calm during my section. I would say it also helped me figure out what to put in my birth plan and a few simple things- like it helped me identify that one of my biggest fears was feeling out of control and ignored so I built that into my birth plan and had dh well prepped on how to advocate for me in that aspect if he needed to.

I also watched lots of positive birth videos to familiarise myself with the reality of birth and avoided anything that had negative birth stories or overly dramatic births on TV or in films. It's important you're really honest with the team supporting you, I was so nervous telling my midwife how I was feeling that I ended up bawling my eyes out on the call but she was brilliant and knew just what to say and I actually felt a bit of relief after because I wasn't holding it alone. It also felt a lot easier to talk about my fears at my appointments after getting it out that first time because they took me seriously and it meant they were better able to support me after baby arrived as one of my huge fears was that my mental health would suffer postnatally due to family history. (In actuality I have felt great and again a lot of that I feel is down to my dh being prepared for how best to support me and the reading I did around building attachment to baby because I was so scared of not being able to feel an attachment and because I've been so careful with myself mentally and physically in the few weeks after birth).

It might be worth contacting a doula to support you through your birth, but also for the run up and the aftercare. What you're feeling is completely normal, you're not alone, you're not the only person to feel the way you do and you are already doing a great job considering all the fear you're facing, you've already shown that you are incredibly strong. Most important thing is to keep open about it and use the people around you.