Losing the will….

[Boniodog22]

35 weeks now and my mum who lives in Scotland (I’m in the South West) is due to come and stay with me after my caesarean.
This will be massively helpful and I’m really grateful for her support.
Mum hasn’t been the easiest through my pregnancy -

1. Pushing us to announce our pregnancy so she could tell her friends
2. Poo pooing what my Midwife and Consultant have guided on
3. Dismissing my recovery time and need to rest
4. Moving plans to coincide with her own plans

At one point she requested we visited her long term friends - they live 2 hours from me, stay over night in a hotel with a newborn and drive back the next day. I had to remind her id be a week or so out of hospital, possibly not insured to drive and hardly want to venture/drive miles/stay overnight in a different location after surgery.
She changed her plans but mentioned I was being over cautious and a wet lettuce.

My brother and sister are due to visit a few weeks after the baby is born which is great. This coincides with Mum staying and due to them not living local Mum was excited about extending her stay to see them too.
My husband is one of 8, with the plan in the first month only grandparents visit the baby and I to bond and recover. There is more to this as my husbands family can be dominating, selfish and unpredictable which creates arguments so strict boundaries are needing to be created to give some breathing space.

Due to this my husband has questioned why my siblings are visiting whilst my mum is here, despite all his family living local, and I’ve had to cancel my siblings visiting to be fair to his family.
My mum has hit the roof about it and is now stating she may not visit till the end of April when both my siblings are free to visit next.

I feel I’m stuck between a rock and hard place, trying to people please, told I’m being OTT and feeling pretty overwhelmed and upset.

The whole theme here is a newborn baby and help and support, yet other things appear to be getting tangled and obstructing that theme.
I feel I’m being punished by my Mum a little cause the arrangements have changed and are not falling into her plans, my in laws are being unruly and difficult and my husband is creating unnecessary barriers to prove a point.

I was hesitant about having a baby because of emotional tug of wars and family dynamics but reassured myself this is what I wanted and it would be ok. With only sleeping 4 hours a night over a 2 month period and still working full time shattered and fed up is an understatement. I feel isolated….am I being unreasonable?

Is this your first baby? If it is I wouldn't bother getting your mum to stay with you after your section you will be fine with the baby on your own, by the sounds of it your mum is going to make things more difficult for you rather than be much of a help. Expecting you to go stay over night somewhere just after a section is a ridiculous suggestion so it doesn't sound like she Is too concerned about your needs she just wants to show off her grandchild.

You are in charge, so make the decisions and call the shots on this one. Don't let others push their will on to you. Make decisions that are best for you, DH and the baby and don't compromise... but do remember that you probably will be grateful for genuine, well-meaning help.
The time to sort this all out is now before the baby arrives

You don't need your mum to stay. Too be honest it sounds like that will make your life worse not better.

You're not being unreasonable. Stick to your guns and stick up and do what's right for you and your baby. You don't need any additional stress in your life right now so don't be afraid to be blunt with family, if they can't be helpful then they at least need to leave you in peace! Of course you're not being a wet lettuce, you're growing a whole extra person and about to have major surgery!

Can’t you just schedule a visit with his siblings for the weekend after your siblings have left?

Really sorry those around you are being so selfish and unsupportive! As others have said a c section is major surgery - you shouldn’t be driving or doing anything at all strenuous for at least six weeks. From what you’ve said it sounds like your mum staying with you will make things worse, not better - the last thing you need when looking after a newborn and recovering from c section is having to try and negotiate other peoples incredibly unreasonable behaviour. I had a little girl (first baby) by c section four weeks ago, and honestly dealing with other people and trying to keep them happy has been so much more stressful than taking care of her! If your mum can’t put your needs first and stop being so selfish, you’re better off without her staying. I hope others see how unreasonable they’re being and put your needs first so they can genuinely support you when baby arrives x

Thank you all xxx