SIL MC but I'm pregnant

[Flyingpandabear]

My dear SIL announced her pregnancy as soon as she found out. I was utterly delighted when she told us because I had just found out I was pregnant with my first too. My partner and I were not ready to tell anybody at that time though, I wanted to see a scan first. I'm afraid to believe it until then. But unfortunately SIL just suffered an early MC. I'm so worried for her and I now feel I have this horrible guilty secret I'm keeping from her but will have to unleash quite soon. I'll be 12 weeks next week but I just can't fathom the idea of sharing our happy news right when she's so devastated. I also don't want her to feel we're treating her with kid gloves by not telling her. I need your opinions on the most sensitive way to handle this all. The last thing I want to do is make her feel any worse. Our due dates would have been so close together 💔

My sil did the same, announced she was pregnant at 4 weeks, got all excited telling everyone. I was 2 weeks off my due date with my 1st child at this point so it was no secret I was pregnant but she miscarried at 6 weeks the same week I gave birth. There isn't much you can do, be sensitive and tell her about your baby over text (not face to face) but you'd be foolish to feel bad and tie yourself in knots trying not to hurt her feelings. I miscarried at 9 weeks with my 3rd pregnancy, no one knew, hardly anyone knows to this day (I got pregnant immediately again thankfully) so it didn't impact me too much. My poor sil never did have children and still can't bear to be around us, we have 3 young children. She refused to join in a family evening yesterday as we were all there with our children. It's 7 years since her miscarriage and my sympathy has run out for her. Hopefully your sil will fall pregnant again and it'll be a short lived thing you having to be sensitive, it's hard work when it goes on years.

Be sensitive but don't let it spoil what is a special time for you.

Thanks everyone, lots of feedback I really appreciate it. Congratulations @usedtolovenaps sending you lots of positive vibes, that's lovely news!! Just on the potential ghosting mentioned above, i think it's better to inadvertently offend someone by trying to sympathise even if you put your foot in it, rather than giving space which is open to the wrong interpretation. A lot can be read into silence, even if it was well intentioned. Just my 2 cents

@M340 I want to apologise after reading your message as I was definitely in the wrong. Jumped to conclusions incorrectly and this shall be a lesson for me to not do this again. I am sorry you have been through so much to conceive your daughter. And I am sorry for your loss, too.

@chillibop thank you.

I'd let her and your brother know by text. Don't assume it'll be bad news for them, just say it straight.

Also give them the heads up if you plan on doing any big family or social media announcement.