Falling out with mum

[Jodie8933]

I'm 34 weeks pregnant, we've been diagnosed with a low lying placenta. So far no bleeding, have a scan at 36 weeks to see if it moves.
Somehow my mum has made this problem all about her, how she's worried and I've ended up trying to reassure her when I'm sure it should be the other way around. She says I'm selfish having this baby as I already have 2, one boy from a previous relationship who's 13 and a girl who's 2. I wanted a sibling for her, I did with my eldest but it didn't work out. He's great with his sister though and absolutely loves the bones off her. She's accused me of creating a new family and leaving him out, something I've never done, I'm sure she just says things to hurtful.
Everything I say is wrong, I try and be positive as everything online says that I'll have a c section and be out between 24-48 hours, she seems to think I'll be in for a week. Constantly saying what I can and can't do after one. I have to be honest I'm not a 100% certain what I'll be doing, but just a want a bit of support from her. At the moment she's agreed to stay away as she seems unable to control her tongue and be nice.
Luckily my husband is very supportive and so is his family, I've been told I tell her too much and to be flexible with the truth. I just find it so difficult standing on egg shells all the time. She wasn't very supportive after my daughter was born as she gave me a 2nd degree tear, do according to my mum she nearly killed me and refused to have anything to do with her for a few weeks. I'm hoping it's different this time round but can't see it.
Sorry for the long post, would just like some feedback on this please

Bumped just to get responses. Thanks

How upsetting to not have your mum’s support at this time. It must be really difficult to deal with that level of narcissism from the person you should be able to rely on most, but we can’t choose our families and she is who she is. I think your husband is right and you should just not tell her much - lean on his family if they are supportive. Let them look after you.

In my hospital, c-section mums have to stay in for 72 hours but I imagine this varies between hospitals so you should ask your midwife. But whatever the stay and recovery time, I am sure you are strong enough to handle it. After all you have been strong enough to get through 2 births and 3 pregnancies until now - be proud of your body and ignore your mum’s nonsense.

Btw my little sister is 13 years younger than me and I couldn’t have been happier and more in love when she was born, just like your DS. So your mum is talking rubbish there too.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck x

Just wanted to say I was also diagnosed with a low lying placenta the other day and it seems to be quite common as I found out my sister had the same! (Who I might add is 10 years older than me from my dads previous marriage and we have a great relationship!) Hers eventually moved but she had a c section for other reasons. Infact I know people who have chosen to have a c section!

I agree with the above posted. Maybe back away from her and lean on other family members. She’ll come round once little one is here!

Oh that’s tough so sorry for you. Doubt she’ll change. Have you told her how you feel? Assume you have given she’s staying out the way for a bit. I’ve had three and yes the third was not well received by MIL and it put a dampener on the whole thing.

just ignore her as much as possible and crack on surrounded by the people are who in fact supporting you. Wishing you all the best, we also have a 2 year old and baby, you’re in for a fun time ;).

I would mentally note if she can't be supportive around you at this time she doesn't need to be around you..
Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy without her stress.

Thanks for your reply, apparently most do move up, think I'm one of the unlucky ones. That's great you have a good relationship with your sister, my husband's got 2 from a previous as well, and I'm lucky they have just accepted her and I'm sure they will do this one as well. It's nice when they come over and watching the bond develop, plus it saves me running around after her which you can't really do with a low lying placenta, but you don't have much choice with a toddler. I've had conflicting advice from midwives, one saying I'll be admitted 2 weeks before I have the c section, another one saying admitted on the day. Just got to wait and see what the consultant says.
Yes I go to mother and toddler group, there's a few there who elected for one after a traumatic "natural" birth. My first was great, the second time thought I could have a home birth, was going really well until she clawed me on the way out, ended up in an ambulance and took ages to recover. C section doesn't seem as bad to be honest.

Yes I am backing away from her, you dream of the mother and daughter bond you want but it's not always possible. I've always made excuses for her, but I think it's the menopause that's really done it, and she won't take anything for it. She can be lovely one minute and really nasty the next without any warning.
I doubt she'll change too, I find the whole scenario upsetting. She missed out on my first pregnancy because she didn't like his dad, we broke up soon after he was born, very controlling, then I moved back in with my parents. She played a massive part in my son's life in the end, lived with them for 7 years, she's just controlling. I almost feel like I let her play the second parent, and maybe she was too involved and struggling to take a step back. It's certainly got worse after I met my husband, she felt pushed out. She gets jealous of me seeing friends especially an old work colleague who is the same age as my mum, but we get on great. It's just snide comments. She says she can't help herself, but it's a lame excuse that's wearing thin. She says she doesn't have a family now, it's annoying she lives just round the corner and is no help. My MIL lives 40 minutes away and doesn't like driving, to the point she gets the train over, or gets someone to bring her. We do visit them often but it would've been better if they were on the door step. I'm just worried about the 6 weeks post c section without her support, I've got my husband for 2 weeks, but being stuck in the house as I'm not allowed to drive for 6 weeks post op. I've got my old work friend and I know she'll be round at the drop of a hat, just wish things turned out differently.

Hi @Jodie8933 , firstly your moms behaviour sounds awful. Him as she always been like this?

My personal experience of a c section was quite positive. I had it as an emergency.

In my hospital women are kept in hospital for 24 hours afterwards. I was up out of bed on the day and carrying my own bags the following day. It wasn’t for me particularly debilitating. Certainly after two weeks I was well on the mend.

Good luck and congratulations x

Thanks, and she's certainly got worse since I've carved my own life and listened to her advice but not always taken it. It's like she still sees me as a child. Not sure if it's hormones with her, but there's certainly a green eyed monster that comes out when I see my old work friend. Anyone who says something different to her is wrong she's tunnel visioned.
I'm hoping I'll be able to go for a 10 minute walk around the village with the pram after 2 or 3 weeks. It's all flat, but I know I'll go stir crazy in the house. She had a massive go at me just for mentioning the idea. She had an hysterectomy and thinks it's the same thing (she couldn't push a trolley) they are a lot heavier when full and harder to navigate. Obviously if I don't feel up to it, or it hurts I won't be doing anything. My plan is to listen to my body and not over do it as that will slow recovery.
It's reassuring to hear positive stories, which is more or less all I've heard from friends, the quicker you move the better. I'm not one for hospitals and I know I'll want to get back home to my family and my own bed. Thanks again.

Oh a walk around after 2 weeks would be no problem (in my experience anyway). At that point the only thing I found a little sore was lifting heavy stuff (newborn baby is fine). I like you have a toddler so this is one concern if I need another c section. But generally it’s fine and you won’t be house bound!

Just to add, my mum does help practically, ie she's picking up the chicken for me when she gets hers, and fetching some bits from town. I'm also borrowing her pans for Christmas day, but she'll knock, drop them off on the door step and go home. She takes my son to school and fetches him on her way to and from work. It's just emotionally there is little or no support there. I sometimes wonder if there's a mental problem going on, but she won't see a Dr, in fact she's not even registered as apparently "they don't work". She can be nice, but the percentages aren't in her favour and it's all undone with the hurtful things she says.

Thanks Sallyh87, that is very reassuring. I came on here today as I was starting to feel negative about the whole situation. I'm pleased I've found a lot of reassurance and understanding. Pregnancy isn't the easiest and I'm seeing my old work colleague today, I'm just going to get the right support where I can. Thanks again