Breastfeeding questioning

[StanleyPaul12]

Due my first in a matter of weeks. MIL keeps asking my DH if i plan to breastfeed and he has replied he doesnt know. MIL is very nosy and always wants to know the ins and outs of the pregnancy which I find hard as I am a private person and am not enjoying pregnancy. A few years ago, she was very judgemental when her neighbour was bottle feeding so I know that she wants me to BF and probably to be gushing about how excited I am. She will ask me directly when i see her over xmas. I really don't want to have to announce over a family meal whether i want to BF especially when i might not be able to. Id like to be able to give a non committal reply without being rude. Can anyone help?

Just respond I'll be feeding my baby whatever way suits our situation at the time and it will be our decision as parents.

Think your going to have to put your foot down with her, she sounds like she's going to be sticking her nose in a lot if she's already so opinionated on how your going to feed your baby, it's your baby your choice politely tell her to piss off

@Anothermanicmumday1 thank you. I feel so stupid for not just thinking of that!!

@K37529 yes, i really do. Unfortunately she is highly opinionated and nosy and always has been, even pre pregnancy. She is now beside herself with excitement of GC coming (its DH and I's first child but she has other GC and i dont remember her being this excitable). I dont want to spoil her excitement in any way but I find it all far too much. As i say, I am not enjoying being pregnant and I feel like any time I see her that Im coming across as a negative Nancy. DH has tried multiple times to have her back off a bit from questioning me but to no avail. I never noticed that she is so nosy to her own DC, it seems to just be me but maybe she does quiz them too, when im not there. I would love to tell her to piss off but I cant think of a non rude way to do so and I really dont want to cause bad blood.

I would just simply say ‘I haven’t decided yet’. End of conversation.

She sounds insufferable! I’d just say ‘we’ll see what works’ and change the topic. If she pushes I’d give a Paddington start and tell her it’s none of her beeswax.

I’d start know being quite firm that it’s your decision/child. So for the breastfeeding question ‘whatever works for us, we’ll have to see.’
This will work in the future too with whatever other areas she interferes in! ‘That does/doesn’t work for me.’ ‘We’ve decided to do ….with our child.’ Just phrases that are very polite but stress that it’s your decision and your child.

If you want to try I would say just that, I’m going to try but if it doesn’t work for us then we will consider combi feeding or bottle feeding.

Breastfeeding can be quite hard but don’t do it just because you feel pressured. It’s your choice, your mental health and your baby.

As you say, there is no guarantee even if you want to! Think you can just simply say, we will see how everything goes and what is the best for all of us (you and the baby) at the time.

@Lightmarebeforechristmas thats the answer i want to avoid. I might be being precious but i feel like its a personal decision. Particularly before the baby is here. It would be bad enough if she personally asked me 121 but there are going to be other family in the room over xmas when we visit and i just dont see why i should have to set myself up for failure infront of them all. Its just not really their business. There is no question over whether or the baby will be fed and DH and I will do our best by it. I find people asking for details v intrusive.

@AluckyEllie thanks i appreciate this advice. My DH has been helpful in answering nosy questions with 'i dont no' rather than giving info which was a big change but i think it will be better if he moves to 'we will do what works for us at the time' or similar.

Lo If it’s something important to her, she might take a noncommittal reply as an invitation to try and persuade you. I think you should directly say “I don’t want to discuss this”. It’s a perfectly reasonable request and I don’t see why she would be offended by that.

I’d ask DH to pull her aside and tell her you are uncomfortable discussing breastfeeding, but she can be assured her DGC will be well fed and looked after.

Breastfeeding can be quite hard to start especially with no NHS support. I was really private and defensive with everyone really. Only felt comfortable with a private lactation consultant, barely.

I think it might be helpful if you’re partner speaks to her beforehand again and explains that you are considering if but it will depend on the circumstances - end of story! It must be horrible that she keeps bringing it up, I for one had a terrible time trying to breast feed and was pressured by nurses to keep going when my body couldn’t product enough milk due to massive blood loss during birth - I had to resort to formula and breast feeding as baby lost to much weight! Therefore I find it extremely frustrating when people try to push their opinions regarding breast feeding because everyone is different and has different challenges!

Oh I get you OP. My MIL had an opinion on everything and didn’t I know it. Even down to bath products. What I’d get is oh my daughter is a nurse and THIS is what she uses, not THAT. Eventually got confident enough to say well this is what works for MY baby’s skin.

On a side note, the pressure on mums to breastfeed is immense, worse than when mine were little. Even the replies to your post people are just assuming that you’re going to try when from what I can see you haven’t indicated one way or another. You do what’s best for you and baby OP whatever that may be.

Thanks @mitsy5 she is exactly like your mil it seems lol. And because MIL has other GC she keeps telling me what DH siblings do and use etc. On the one hand its handy to get some useful info but on the other i need to have the opportunity to make my own decisions and make my own mistakes as i learn along the way.