IVF, 7Weeks, Bleeding & now potentially twins ... Can't cope

[LadyGlitterSparkles13]

Looking for advice and open to all points of view ... I need help I'm struggling to cope. Please don't judge I already feel like a terrible human.

I recently went through planned IVF treatment and it's been successful. We already have a little one (3) so different experience this time round. I had a big bleed and intense pain, currently 6 weeks and immediately thought the worst I was devastated. Went for scan to now discover there are potentially twins, our chance of multiples was 1%. One twin had heartbeat and we were unable to see in the other but very early days obviously.

I'm now on a massive emotional rollercoaster back for additional scan next week. I'm beating myself up as I'm equally devastated for there to be none as I am with there being 2. My last pregnancy was filled with complications for 1 baby, financially, mentally, practically I don't think ill cope with 2. I feel horrific for my current little one and the impact 2 siblings could possibly have, the guilt is horrific. Need to wait and see outcome but I'm terrified and I don't know what to do.

No judgement at all, the prospect of having twins would be scary to anyone especially in your situation when you don't even know what's happening, sorry I don't have any advice just wanted to wish you well

Do you have family support?

I have two children and had a miscarriage before DC1. When DC1 was born, I think I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life. I was so content. Due to my age, I made a rash decision to try and have another baby sooner than later as I was worried about miscarrying again.

In the first or second month of tracking ovulation, I got pregnant with DC2 and immediately panicked. I just wasn't ready. I thought about not having a second baby, I started researching clinics. I said, like you, we could not afford another baby financially, mentally or practically. They were the three reasons I rattled off constantly as I researched clinics. DH was very against abortion and wanted the baby and thought it was our last chance at having two children. I did really crazy things like running a lot, not eating properly to see if I could induce a miscarriage. Looking back I was not ready emotionally for a second child.

When DC2 arrived, I had PND. I barely picked up the baby unless it was to feed or change. It wasn't helped by DC2 having reflux and colic and crying all the time. I had crazy thoughts about putting DC2 up for adoption. This went on for about a year.

DC2 is now a lovely, kind, easy and uncomplicated child. Far easier than DC1. There are still times I wonder what it would be like if we had just one child, and how life would be less stressful and easier. But I couldn't choose one over another.

I think twins, if you have two babies, will have an incredible bond and will be there for one another growing up. I think having the experience of having a baby beforehand will make twins easier.

But I would urge you to talk to somebody now about how you are feeling. I would not like anybody to struggle like I did during DC2's first year. Ask the hospital to point you in the direction of support for how you are feeling now so you can come to terms with whatever the outcome is.

Thank you so much for replying and being so honest. Our clinic has a counselling service so I'm going to ask to speak with someone hopefully before my scan. At the moment my head is thinking why was I not just happy with our little one and our perfect little family life. PND is something I'm worried about given how I feel now.

The horrible thing again is I have amazing family support so I feel guilty. Should pregnancy progress as twins im also hugely aware of the impact it will have on them, mostly my parents. I know people are in much more challenging situations than me but I can't stop overthinking every possible outcome.

My youngest was 3 when I fell pregnant with twins and I too was so worried about the impact on her, being the baby of the family and used to lots of attention. I really expected her to struggle with them being born and having to share me, especially in the early days of breastfeeding. I need not have worried so much, she has taken to them brilliantly and loves them to bits and they love her too. She was my little helper and loved getting the wipes or muslins and helping me rock them to sleep and just being involved in their care.

The twins have just turned 1 and my now 4 year old has started school and the twins are so excited to see her when she gets back from school.

I don’t want to make it sound like a picnic because it’s not and it’s definitely a lot of work, but it’s also nothing like as hard as I imagined it would be. There are plenty of lovely moments among all the hard bits and it keeps me going.

I am part of a twin mum group and just to offer you some reassurance that lots of mums feel and have felt like you about twins. It is nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about, twins is a lot to get your head around and it certainly takes some coming to terms with. It’s absolutely ok not to feel overjoyed at the prospect, it’s ok to be worried and scared and all the rest of it. There is no way to plan or really prepare for twins before falling pregnant, it’s a shock, and most people who haven’t been through it just think of the extra work or the extra love, but not the extra complications or maternal and fetal risks that twins bring. Your feelings are absolutely and utterly 100 percent valid and it is a scary road ahead.

I would definitely do as you have suggested and reach out to your clinics counselling service and I would like to offer my support to you also so please feel free to PM me if you would ever like to talk. Sending hugs x

Thank you so much for your message its eally made me feel more positive

Just going to take it one day at a time just now and try not to overthink every single little thing 😘.