Travelling with a new born

[Lavenderleopard]

Hi,

I'm due at the start of next year with my first child. My in-laws have said that they are not prepared to travel to us to meet baby because they don't drive but we are welcome to go to them (!)
My in-laws live about a 3 hour drive away, when would it be reasonable for us to travel with the baby? I'm keen to put this off for at least a month because I don't know what state I'll be in and I don't want to have to stay over somewhere when we're still getting used to baby. If I just flat out say no my MIL will become very difficult and accuse us of stopping her seeing the baby (she's already unhappy that my parents who live nearby will be helping with childcare when I go back to work)

Honestly don't put a date/time on it.
I didn't start feeling good until 8 weeks pp

Also tell your DH to tell them.

Ouch. I wouldn’t put a date on it, you have to see how you feel. Personally I don’t think I’d be up to it during the first 2-3 months. Have they never visited you ever before?! Trains, taxis, hire cars…?

Up to 6 weeks babies are advised to only be in a car seat for up to 30 mins then it goes to 2 hours.

Can you DH suggest he will pick them up from the train station?

I gave birth five days ago. PIL are a similar distance and I found a lot online that said newborns shouldn’t be in car seats for more than 30 mins without being taken out and stretched to help them breathe! So I told PIL we wouldn’t be with them for Christmas but that we’d come after the first month. Said they could come and stay at a hotel nearby before that and we’d look forward to confirming something with them after the first month.

All of this.

We'll guidelines are that newborns shouldn't do stretches of longer than 45mins in a car seat, so that would make your 3 hour journey very long. Even after 6 weeks babies shouldn't do more than 2 hours without a break.

My DD HATED her car seat and screamed until she was sick. We did an 8 hour journey to my in-laws when she was 4 months and it was hell. Didn't repeat that for a year!!

Agree with pp your other half needs to have a conversation about how it won't be possible for potentially months

Incredibly selfish of them! If they want to move nearer to help out, tell them to feel free. If you feel OK and not driving due to lack of sleep, you could go sooner than you think. Newborns sleep a lot and are easy to transport, especially if you're feeding yourself. Get it out of the way but if you don't feel like going do not feel guilty

Oh yes, just remembered the car seat thing. My son hated it too.

Let your husband deal with them.

Here’s some information regarding 30 minutes for babies under 4 weeks and the 2 hour rule www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/winter-your-baby/driving-your-baby-or-toddler-long-distance-tips-for-road-trips

I honestly wouldn’t be in any rush. Cheek of them.

Definitely don't schedule anything until baby is here. Surely they can travel to you somehow, even if train/bus/taxi combo.

Haha, that’s nice for them! Don’t give them a date, absolutely impossible to say how you’ll feel. Also, they can catch a train.

Fuck MIL in this instance, tbh. If she wants to meet the baby she can look up a train or a bus.

Thank you everyone for the advice, MIL used to drive but has recently given it up. I'll say to DH that if they want to meet baby they can get the train and stay in a hotel somewhere, I think DH will prefer that himself too.

That is their choice. You can make plans to visit them when you are fully recovered and rested and baby is safe to be in the car seat for longer than 30 minutes at a time.
With my first baby that was at around 8 weeks. I was breast feeding and that takes around 6 weeks to establish.
You won't want to be travelling if the weather is still cold and snowy.

Don’t commit to ANYTHING. Newborns can be in car seats long and some of them absolutely hate it and scream blue murder. You also have no idea how YOU will be feeling. They are being twats tbh. “That’s a shame you can’t visit, we’ll let you know when we are settled and arrange something then”

Cant*

I drove DD on a 5 hour journey when she was 7 weeks old.

By that time her feeding habits were quite well established so I was able to plan around feeds. I had the car all packed up and left immediately after morning feed then stopped after 2.5 hours for a long lunch stop. I fed her at the beginning and end of this break. Then another 2.5 hour stint.

However, this only worked because I had a fully lie-flat car seat so DD was safe to travel such long distances and she was a good traveller.

Another important element is that I wanted to do it!

It sounds as though your MIL is just being difficult. I'd leave her to it. Make sure she knows she's welcome and that you'd love them to come and meet the baby. You could even go as far as to look into public transport options for them.

We took ds to the in laws (3hr journey) when he was a week old. The journey was fine. We stopped at my gran's halfway through to give him a break from the car seat, feed, etc. He slept the whole way.
I wouldn't recommend going anywhere too soon though. I lost out on time with him as he was being passed around from one family member to another, I didn't hold him for 3 hours at one point and I went to the bathroom to cry. Everyone wanted to feed him and I ended up giving up on breastfeeding as I was exhausted from it all, and hadn't managed to establish it before going and I didn't want to get my tits out in front of everyone. I also resented people feeding him, even if it was with a bottle I wanted to do it (aside from Mil who was very understanding and only took over when I needed to rest).

FYI I was quite young, I have more of a backbone now. Still, when you have a new baby it's nice to just be in your own place and have your own boundaries. Don't let them pressurise you. It's your baby, your life. They can see you all once you've recovered and you've got used to your new baby centred life.