How do I tell him I don't want him to come to the scan

[Champagneforlunch]

I'm due to go for another scan next week after a lot of problems and most proably to have confirmed that the baby is not viable at 10 1/2 weeks.
I managed to convince him for the scan last week that it was better for him to stay at work. He had a bit of time off during the week as I had a lot of bleeding and I used that and the fact that i thought I was only going to confirm the miscarriage as a reason I would rather have my mum there. When I went for that scan though they found that the preganancy was still growing but the sac looked to ruptured causing the baby to come half way through.
The next scan is to confirm this is the case, Dh hates hospitals and is very nervous when he is in one. If this was a normal scan then I would love to have him with me but don't know how I going to cope with everything else if I'm trying to support him as I go. Am I being really horrible and selfish by not wanting him to come because I really have no idea how I'm going to tell hime this time?

Say exactly what you have said here. Im sure he will understand

Your not being selfish at all, in fact I think you're being the complete opposite.

Do you think the reason he wants to come is to actually support you? Maybe you should talk to him and see whether he'll be ok at the hospital.

Just tell him that you want to make sure he's going to be ok with the hospital.

i think why I'm worried is that I talked him out of coming last time and the news was slightly better than expected. I think he's thinking the same will happen agin and everything will be alright.
Think I might try and sell it to him that if everything is alright (I'm not holding out much hope at all about that though) there will be other scans.
This is just one more thing I really don't want to have to more about.

May be if you find it hard to say you could write it down and show him?

Can you just be really honest and say that you find it really hard and worrying about him is making it harder for you?

Or could you say that this is an occasion when you need your mum and that if he's right and things turn out well, there will be other scans as you say.

I'm so sorry you're going through this

i was in a similar situation with my last baby(altho my news tuned out positive) and i went alone figuring if it was viable the next scan would be a family event, if it wasnt ,there was just me there to take it all on board ...i think yiou are being very strong (((hugs))

I am very sorry you are going through this. How hard for you.

You are NOT being horrible and selfish. He hates hospitals and you can't be thinking about supporting him at this time. I completely underatnd and I think he will do - be plain and stright like you have been on here.

Thanks for all those lovly posts. Makes me feel a whole lot easier about telling him. I'm having real worries about him seeing the baby at 10 and a half weeks and being told that it's not viable, it was easier at eight as there was nothing to see just a small heartbeat but at ten weeks you'll be able to make out a lot more.
Will let you all know it goes.

Finally got my act together last night and kind of blurted out 'I've asked my mum to come with me on Friday, you really hate hospitals and it'll probably be better for you to be at work.'
He didn't really have any chance to say anything else but seems fine about it.
Now I've just got to get through the next three days, this last two weeks have been the longest of my life. Think Dd has been the only thing to keep me sane. She keeps asking if I'm feeling better yet. Think it might be more to do with the fact I said we could go Ice Skating when I was better rather than out of concern for me though.