Feeling miserable despite everything being ok

[HappyButHangry]

Apologies in advance for a whiney post. I need a vent but also want to know if anybody else felt like this.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first DC and I feel so grotty and miserable. I miss my old body. I'm never comfortable. I feel like I can't wait for the baby to be born so I can sleep on my back again. I have such sleepless nights because I can't get comfy. Most of all I feel uncomfortable in my own body. I feel like I was too naive about pregnancy.

I've always wanted a big family and I've been happily married to DH for two years and everything is happening according to how I had dreamed. And yet I hate everything. I'm moody, I can't stand the idea of being pregnant again. I don't like how it feels and I think I resent it. And yet I've never wanted a childless life.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I am grateful that everything is healthy and I do feel blessed to even be pregnant when I know this is such a hard journey for some people. I feel guilty and rubbish that I feel so negatively. Like it's so ungrateful. I feel sad for my little baby inside that their mum is being so glum and not more excited about what's to come.

Would appreciate advice from anyone who felt similar. I am praying once DC is here I'm more positive and really want to enjoy every moment.

Hi OP, i totally sympathise with you! I felt like this with my first pregnancy and never realised how many women don't actually enjoy pregnancy but feel unable to really talk about it as they should be seen to feel blessed and lucky. It can be so tough and lonely but I can assure you that just because you have found pregnancy unenjoyable, doesn't mean you won't enjoy motherhood and your baby.

Motherhood is tough but it's so worth it. It might be worth talking to someone professional about how you feel, if you feel like you could be depressed or anxious (not saying you are but sometimes people downplay how they are feeling). Don't be hard on yourself either, pregnancy can be very uncomfortable and difficult for some women and you're entitled to feel that way.

Take care x

It is 100% totally okay to feel incredibly blessed/thankful to BE pregnant, whilst at the same time incredibly fed up and over BEING pregnant.

If it helps, I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with my third baby. I hate it. I have hated my previous two pregnancies as well. I’ve just had to make peace with the fact that I don’t enjoy pregnancy! Lots of women do, and that’s great. Lots of women don’t, and that’s okay too.

It’s never once affected my ability to bond with my baby when they arrive, and I love being a mum. Hang in there OP, you’re in the final stretch!

Thanks @Nursemumma92 and @Zapx that's reassuring to know, and I like how you both really 'own' it.

I think I can be a bit awkward when people ask me how it's going and I reply with how uncomfortable the whole thing is and how nobody ever tells you this part about it.. whereas really the socially acceptable response feels like you're supposed to say how magical it all feels.

@Nursemumma92 I have about 5 years ago been depressed for about half a year (about something totally unrelated and about my career) and so I appreciate I can go to a 'dark place' mentally... I have wondered if that's what might be starting to happen but I don't think so. I'm keeping an eye on my mood and feelings because I've read about this stuff in pregnancy but in general I think I just really do hate it and hope to ride it out. My thoughts and feelings don't seem to be going anywhere beyond being grumpy and just over it.

@Zapx many congratulations on your pregnancy 🎉 🎉

That's good that you're self aware and hopefully will recognise if these 'normal' not so pleasant feelings are becoming more than that. If you do feel like you are becoming depressed then definitely reach out to someone professional sooner rather than later as you don't have to suffer in silence and you won't be judged. I felt the same when I was pregnant with my 1st, that nobody tells you how hard it is! 38 weeks with my second now and feel the same although this pregnancy has been different and somewhat easier despite having a child to run around after already. You've got this, it's not easy but it will be worth it x

Thanks @Nursemumma92 for your kind words and many congratulations on your second!! 🥰

Feeling rather tearful tonight. DH is snoring away so loudly and for the first time ever in my pregnancy I feel quite lonely and disconnected from DH. He's been nothing but lovely and so attentive.

I've just sat in bed and been silently crying my eyes out. I don't even know why.

Hi OP. I'm 20 weeks and feel exactly the same. I think it's ok to cry. Like you, incredibly grateful to be pregnant but feeling miserable.

My bump hasn't quite popped but it's big enough that none of my clothes fit (not even my leggings) so I just feel like a stuffed sausage in them and it's so expensive to replace everything. Most foods and drinks make me feel sick so I'm basically eating yellow oven food and I no longer really enjoy a meal when it was one of my major pleasures before. I don't think I've slept a full night since I found out I was pregnant so I'm permanently tired and now it's becoming uncomfortable to sleep it's so much worse. Also worried about stepping back from work now the reality of that is kicking in.

I think I was naive about what pregnancy would be like but my body no longer feels like mine and nobody really seems to talk about that. I admit that I cried at the weekend after a less than successful supermarket trip where I didn't really buy myself anything other than frozen chicken burgers and cheap pants in the next size up. DH has been absolutely lovely and tolerates my complaints like a saint but like you said, I feel a bit lonely as I lie awake at night and think about how much longer I've got to go before feeling myself again. I know it will all be worth it but it feels like a long way to go yet and I wish I could enjoy pregnancy the way others seem to have done. It's been really helpful for me to read your post and know I'm not the only one. Hopefully you feel the same.

Hey @Bananabreakfast123 sorry you're feeling like that 🤗I feel like I completely understand exactly what you're going through. I don't know what to say other than you aren't alone on this journey! It feels like such a long slog for me. I am so in awe of women who are mums and have juggled pregnancy with life and work and maintaining relationships. I feel so icky, I don't know how to articulate this feeling of discomfort I feel within myself.

Pregnancy is shiiiiiiiiit. I'm 18 weeks with my second - I'm finding it physically a bit harder this time round, but mentally SO much easier.

I really struggled with feeling like my body was not my own, out of control / taken over by biology, uncomfortable and miserable. This time I know my body will feel like mine again, and that I feel very differently about my body now as it's a fucking amazing force of creation.

It is hard, people don't talk about it enough, but do tell your midwife you're finding things hard. Even just sharing it will hopefully help a little bit.

All the best for the rest of your pregnancy, and for when your little one arrives :)

I totally sympathise with you OP! Please remember that hormones will make you feel this way too and it's ok to feel how you do.

I am currently 35 weeks with my 3rd and miserable. Every single day feels like it drags on forever. I'm only getting around 2 hours sleep a night, some days I love my OH and other days I can't stand him, I'm so uncomfortable it's bringing me to tears daily. The pain in my back, the leg cramps every night, the stretching pains in my belly, the acid reflux, the lack of sex drive.... everything feels wrong. And I cannot wait to have this baby and get my body back to normal! I think it's so common and people don't let on how hard it can be!

Please don't beat yourself up over feeling this way. Maybe try to speak with your OH?? It may help you to feel more connected to him? I tell my OH daily how miserable I am and cry to him about how I want to feel normal again. I've lost all motivation and energy to even feel normal anymore.

I hope you feel better soon OP!

Oh don’t give it a moments guilt. I ‘look great’ pregnant - I have very neat bumps, don’t swell up, get thick shiny hair and good skin etc.

But what people don’t see is all the ‘invisible’ stuff I have to contend with, like the vomiting and piles 🤢 not to mention constantly needing the toilet or feeling like I’m about to, the insomnia and the fact the baby moving actually feels a bit uncomfortable.

I remember after DD was born, lying on my back for the first time in months and drifting into sleep and it was BLISS. Not to mention a whole night without a toilet trip.

Just a word of warning though, you may get some weird side effects of giving birth - for the first couple of weeks after I sweated BUCKETS every night, so much I had to lie on towels. I also had an insatiable thirst which I think was breast feeding. But I remember all that settling by the time babe was about 6 weeks old.

Congrats x

Thank you all very much, it feels reassuring that others feel similar and also that it's normal. I was telling DH the other day how naive I feel I've been and that "nobody said it was going to be like this." Almost like a child, I was just blaming it on how nobody ever said what it was like!

Sadly, I'm expecting the first few months/weeks after baby is born to be tough and bleak. I wish I wasn't like this but I feel I need to know what things are like to 'prepare' myself. Sometimes I think whether I've been so spoiled in life or been so comfortable that I can't handle pregnancy and all the things that come with it. I'm not young but I feel almost like imposter syndrome of trying to play the mature woman about to become a mum. What I really feel like is totally unprepared and infantile in how little I can cope with the symptoms.

And the baby moving does feel uncomfortable! I want to say how special it feels to have the feeling of the baby moving, but it is indeed a bit uncomfortable.

Current symptoms: heartburn, needles in my boobs, insomnia, peeing a stupid amount, general teariness.

And many congratulations @HRR107 and @BackOnTheBandWagon on your pregnancies! And sorry it's not been easier x

Honestly it will all be over before you know it, and what’s more you’ll probably find yourself doing it again 😂 although in my case it took 3 years to feel up to it! Try not to worry, and whatever you do, don’t look at those glossy all-American #soblessed mummy blogger accounts.

Yep l totally feel like this. I’m 21 weeks pregnant with must wanted twins, from our 3rd / final round of IVF. Morning sickness ruled me from week 6 to week 18. Eased off and then reflux reared it’s ugly head. Im covered in chicken skin from bikini line to knees (thank god husbands eye sight is a bit dodgy!). I love sleeping on my front but can’t. I’m on 150mg of aspirin AND fucking clexane injections. Twin 1 is a decent size and twin 2 is BIG -they didn’t get the memo about twins being smaller so hospital want me to test my blood sugar levels 5 times a day. It’s not as l busting out BM’s in the 4’s and 5’s.

Work think l will be doing business as usual until the end of April despite me being a community mental health nurse. Even though l am getting a c-section 1st week in April AND we have annual leave l will need to use. They haven’t even done my risk assessment yet

But l have barely put on any weight. Varicose veins haven’t appeared yet -lots of family gave varicose veins. Especially the auntie who had twins.

I did a video call earlier and my colleague asked me if l have a cold. My husband charmingly describes it as my “fat person breathing”. As l am already starting to struggle to get my breathe, lm not even that big yet 🤷‍♀️

Im trying to think that this will pass. I would love to say l have time off work at Christmas but l don’t. But we don’t have any hosting to do thank god. I’m just hoping l don’t deliver them until April and l can juggle both of their needs…