Dismissive Mum

[Boniodog22]

Not sure if anyone else has had this but I’m finding it hard work talking to my mum about plans for when my baby is born.

This will be my first baby, I’m 43 years old so quite a surprise and yes I am anxious.

My mum is due to support me in the first 3 weeks I come home from hospital which is great however when I mention my recovery and resting etc she poo poos it sharing her experiences and acting as if I’m being over the top and a bit of a hypochondriac.

One example - I’m potentially going to take 6 weeks out of work - I’m self employed - to then return back to full time work. I’m having a c-section so I should have recovered by then too.
When I share with my Mum I would like more time out in case I’m tired or still recovering she again poo poos it and minimises it saying it’s a baby your having, your not climbing Mount Everest you’ll be fine going back to work and getting on with things.

It’s starting to drive me a bit nuts, despite knowing she only wants best, my mum didn’t work when she had me, my brother and sister so was able to stay at home and do as she wishes.
In my situation I could potentially take up to 4 months max off work but it would be financially harder but doable with the plan to return back to work full time alongside my husband who also works full time to afford things.

She can’t believe I can’t drive for 6 weeks either despite my Consultant verifying this and stating I won’t be insured.

I feel like I should be portraying a Viking warrior style approach, giving birth in a field and up fighting with my clan literally after labour.

Am I over reacting or is my Mother potentially being a little non-empathetic and unrealistic?

She's ignorant, yanbu. Lots of older people, parents who did that parenting jig 40 years ago think they know it all. Sections are also MAJOR surgery. Did your Mother have a section?
Natural labours you can feel very well very soon after. When I had my second I felt amazing the following day. My children I had an episiotomy with I didn't at all feel so well with lots of pain. Sections are nothing like natural labour, so I'm assuming your Mum has absolutely no idea what she's talking about. Either way, going back to work at 6 weeks sounds exhausting.

Oh my god the viking bit did make me chuckle 🤣 Mums can be SO ridiculous can’t they.. nothing is as bad as it was in their day when they did things blah blah blah… I spoke to mine about being anxious and over testing and she was like well I only ever did one test for all my pregnancies… erm congrats??? Not sure what she wanted there but I definately was after a bit more reassurance and she poo pood that - Bloody mothers …

I can see it from both sides, she's right in that it is a baby not climbing a mountain, in many parts of the world women return to work almost immediately. But having a c section does increase recovery dramatically, those who had natural deliveries might not understand - for instance I was at the supermarket within 24 hours and took the train & tube when dd was 8 days old, but I had a natural birth and no stitches.

Getting 3 weeks help is amazing, I got 48 hours before then h was back at work (no paternity leave then)

There's no way I could have gone back to work 6 weeks after c section, I'd take as much time off as you possibly can, physically it would have been hard because it took longer than 6 weeks to recover, mentally I would not have coped, has your mum ever had a section? I've had a natural birth and a section and the section took much longer to recover from

It sounds like maybe your mum is trying to be reassuring, but I can totally understand how you could interpret this otherwise (especially when hormonal!!).

Section recovery varies from woman to woman. I've had two, I recovered from both quite quickly. For a number of reasons I had to be up and active 36 hours post section after the second, I could push the pram on the school run by about ten days (half a mile round trip).

I was back in the office (on a massively reduced schedule) at around 6/8 weeks. I don't think I could have managed full time at that point, but that would have been for more emotional than physical reasons.

You may want to check with your car insurance as the not being able to drive period varies anywhere between 2-8 weeks after a caesarean depending on each insurance company.

Thanks everyone yes I think she is trying to be reassuring but it has come across hardcore today.
Funnily enough my Mum had all c-sections and none were a natural birth.
I’m hoping I do recover quickly but mentally I think that will take more time.