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Original poster

Boyfriend isn’t ready for children

7 replies

Cpx · 07/12/2022 20:08

Hi,
Im 33 (f) and my boyfriend is 29. We have been together for just under 5 years and recently bought a house together. I have recently told him I would like to come off of the pill having been on it for 15 years I don’t feel it is good for me and have always said to him as much as I’m not quite ready for a baby yet I have always felt I would like one before I’m 35 as I don’t want to be an older mum or have trouble conceiving so I felt it might be best to come off it now and just use condoms for the time being. He wasn’t pleased. He told me he’s scared of getting me pregnant as he isn’t ready mentaly or financially and is also very anti abortion so doesn't want that situation to happen. On the other hand he also tells me he does want children in the future and can’t see his life without, I said well I’m getting older what if I can’t have a baby if we leave it too late? He tells me he would leave me if I couldn’t have a baby in the future. It’s left me feeling quite upset and confused..

OP posts:
OrcaBlondie · 07/12/2022 22:31

I’m not quite sure what to say! Did he really say he would leave you if you couldn’t have children in the future? Do you think he really meant it? If so, that is very very harsh of him to say so and another view is what if he is the reason you can’t have children?

Unfortunately you can’t force him or expect him to be ready to have children until he really does feel ready and putting pressure on him might make him feel even more against it. A very difficult situation and completely understand how you must be feeling confused and upset, sorry OP.

countrypunk · 07/12/2022 22:36

So he's not ready to have a baby but also he'd leave you if you couldn't have children? Also, why is he against women having control over their own bodies?

Sorry OP, but he sounds like an immature twatrag. I mean I'm sure there's more to him than this but you're not painting a very attractive portrait.

My partner and I are struggling with infertility and it's completely shit. If I were you I'd start making my own plans now, possibly involving freezing my eggs.

And you don't have to settle for a man with the emotional maturity of a gnat, you know. There are some good ones out there 🙂

xttcbabyno1x · 08/12/2022 11:03

Hi lovely. My boyfriend was a little like this, he's 29, we ended up coming to an agreement last Christmas that we would begin trying in September this year. Found it helped by setting a date in the future as it gave him time to prepare. In the meantime we ended up getting his sperm checked as he suffered from mumps which can affect the testicles. This was in July and his sperm results came back with poor morphology. Because of this we began trying in July and we're half way through a pregnancy now.

I think with a lot of men, they're not ready until it happens. He is still nervous now but very excited for our little boy.

Sit down and have a calm conversation with him. Discuss that you'd like to start trying within the next 6 months / agree on a month he'd be comfortable for you to come off birth control with! Hope this helps xx

DisplayPurposesOnly · 08/12/2022 11:15

OP has another longer thread about this so maybe easier to contribute to that one:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4693543-partner-isnt-ready-for-children-but-will-leave-me-if-i-cant-have-them-in-the-future

Kayleigh2016 · 08/12/2022 11:23

With his reply alone that he would leave you. I would definetly re evaluate your feelings for him.
My friend has just split from her fiance of 5 years and said the hardest thing for her was admiting she wasn't happy.

If you want children now and he's going to leave you if you can't have them. Then I think you've answered your own question on what you need to do. If he hadn't of said that comment about leaving you, I could have understood the financial bit because children are very costly and you do have to be emotionally ready too!
That comment about leaving you sounds pretty immature and nasty and selfish. Don't let him take away your chances of having children when he can just leave you like that.

Dacadactyl · 08/12/2022 11:25

You have the same thread on here twice?

Fmlgirl · 09/12/2022 15:26

You had some really good advice on your thread in ‘Relationships’. The unanimous opinion was to leave this tosser.

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