Unexpected pregnancy at 40

[JoJoBea]

Hi everyone, I'm in such a dilemma.
I'm the mum of 2 kids, my son is 8 and my little girl is 5, I've just turned 40 in August and this week have found out I'm pregnant again, was an accident.
I feel all sorts of different things, but mainly shock and uncertainty as I am happy with the 2 I've got and also I feel I'm a bit old for another, and to start over again when we're all so settled... But on the other hand i'm not gutted. Has any one had a baby at 40? Had a 3rd at 40? I'm on the fence about whether to go ahead. My husband is as shocked as me but will support whatever I decide. I'm so torn!

Loads of women have babies at 40. It’s not at all uncommon, so definitely don’t worry about that, OP. I had my last at 42. He’s 8 now and just the absolute icing on the cake. Very easy pregnancy/delivery. Admittedly, I wasn’t at all on the fence (unplanned but always wanted another), so I don’t want to encourage you to go against what is truly right for you just because it was right for me. You have some time to make the best decision for you. I wish you all the luck and clarity. It is tough, especially when you’re all kind of set up and life has been going along on a steady path. It’s a surprise for sure. Whatever you choose, trust that it’s right for you. 💐

i think the age you are is smaller issue than the age gap since your other kids. Do you want another child, you’ve come out the sleepless nights, the potty training, the super early mornings. Are you prepared to go through that again, to be teaching your youngest to read whilst your eldest is hitting puberty. Its not for me- but if you’re prepared to do this all then you’ve likely answered your question

I had my second and final baby at 40 but he was planned and less than 3 years younger than his older sibling.

Having a baby at over 40 is very much the norm these days. But I can't comment on your particular family circumstances.

Exactly what you've said is what's giving me the doubts.

I don't think your age is an issue at all, rather do you want a 3rd child, and how would it impact your family financially, space wise, and how does DH feel about it (once the shock wears off). Yes the baby years can be tough but in the grand scheme of things it's a relatively short portion so really its a case of would you be happier if you were a family of 5 rather than 4, and how do you think you'd feel on either route. I have a friend with 3 DCs all born 5 years apart, and another whose 3 DCs are 8, 6 and 4 months and all seem happy with their lot and the children seem to get along well. You can make it work, but it needs to feel right for you. Good luck whatever you decide.

Lots of my friends only started trying at 40! It’s not your age that’s the issue, it’s how you’ll cope with an extra addition to your family now.

I had my second at 41 - 5 years after my first. We didn't want such a large gap but had fertility issues. Pregnancy and labour were fine. DD2 slotted into our family and DD1 adores her. It was hard starting the baby phase again but we got back into the swing quickly