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Original poster

Loss at 24 weeks

14 replies

AnnMii · 06/12/2022 16:10

Hi Girls,

im not sure if this is the right place to post this. I was told yesterday that my baby doesn’t have a heartbeat, and i was given tablet to start the labour. 24+2 today, waiting for him to be stillborn :(

we tried for 5 years and conceived on first cycle of clomid.

Im wondering has anyone gone through similar experience?

How long do we have to wait to start TTC again? I just feel like that will be the only thing that will keep me sane.

How long did it take to conceive after stillbirth?

I still can’t believe what has happened, this baby was so so wanted and loved already.

OP posts:
bakewellbride · 06/12/2022 16:12

No advice but so sorry for what you're going through. What a heartbreaking situation Flowers

tiantian1005 · 06/12/2022 16:13

So so sorry to hear this - have they given you any reason as to why this might have happened? I think its important to find out before TTC again.

Original poster
AnnMii · 06/12/2022 16:21

@tiantian1005 he was perfectly healthy. I had high bp and I wasn’t looked after properly, lack of care from local hospital. They transferred me to main maternity hospital only last week which was too late. I was admitted to local hospital 3x sine 18 weeks, they slightly increased medication and kept sending me home. They only started looking into things after he measured too small for 22 week anatomy scan, but it was too late, blood flow in his cord had been affected and he didnt have enough nutrients. In main maternity hospital I was told he would be ok if they had given me right medication and I was admitted to high risk clinic in time.

OP posts:
Bumbers · 06/12/2022 16:24

I lost my twins at 23 weeks. I am so sorry for your loss. It is utterly heartbreaking. We waited to hear the results of the autopsies and were recommended to wait 6 months plus. However, I know others who didn't wait (I really wanted to start again asap).

I now have another DS and am pregnant with a second child. It doesn't take away the pain of the loss entirely, but the raw hurt has dulled.

Spockrates · 06/12/2022 16:27

I'm so sorry for your loss words cannot describe how sorry I am that this happened to you, i am 17 weeks and since i found out I was pregnant this has been a massive fear for me, i hope you get the right support and all the love and care you need to get over this loss, feel free to message me if u need someone to talk to

Room4onemore · 06/12/2022 16:33

I’m sorry you are going through this, I lost my little boy at 21 weeks, I was told there was no reason I couldn’t start trying for another baby when I felt ready.

Catdaft · 06/12/2022 16:46

No advice but i just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss 💔

HayleyBay · 06/12/2022 16:52

I'm so sorry. My situation was different (neonatal death) but I just wanted to give you a hand hold. Life is so cruel sometimes.

HardestGoodbye · 06/12/2022 17:25

I'm so so sorry. I lost my daughter at 26 weeks earlier this year, our situation sounds similar to yours - reduced flow and then eventually no heartbeat.

I except your mind is all over the place right now. Mine was, still is. I haven't commented on here before but I felt so lonely when I went through it, so I made an account to reach out to you.

I joined Tommy's and SANDS Facebook groups and there is a lot of good advice and support there especially on TTC after loss. There is also quite a big Instagram community or loss parents which I find quite helpful. I don't think there is any guidelines and when to try again. I think as long as you feel ready that's all that matters.

Don't let anyone rush you out of the hosptial. Take time to spend with your son. We took a book to read to our little girl and a little soft teddy, and blanket we kept and identical one for ourselves, which I sleep with now.

I am so sorry, it's not fair that's this should happen. If you want to talk more please do message me, (I assume that's possible on here?) Sending so much love to you and your little one. ❤

RelentlessForwardProgress · 06/12/2022 17:34

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

The hospital may have a bereavement midwife who can support you.

I was advised not to TTC again until I had been through one full menstrual cycle and had two negative pregnancy tests. The reasoning was that when you next fall pregnant, you will naturally be anxious about the pregnancy, and if you haven't returned to your normal cycle first, it can make dating the pregnancy difficult which can add extra stress and difficulty. If you haven't tested negative before TTC it will add to doubt over whether it is really a new pregnancy showing up on the test or old hormones.

I did TTC straight after my first cycle, I know for some people this is far too soon and they need a few weeks/months to recover mentally and physically first. I don't think there is a right answer, you just have to go with what feels right for you.

MasterCherry · 06/12/2022 19:58

So sorry for your loss of your precious baby.

ScornedChicken · 06/12/2022 20:05

I don't have advice but wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss 💐i experienced a pregnancy loss but earlier (and I was a mess). I think you are incredibly strong x

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 06/12/2022 20:16

I am so so sorry @AnnMii . I'm sure your boy is so beautiful and so loved.

There are two other topics on Mumsnet where you might get additional support:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/miscarriage (miscarriage and pregnancy loss)
www.mumsnet.com/talk/stillbirth-and-neonatal-death (stillbirth and neonatal loss)

Bubbles021 · 06/12/2022 23:37

OP I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. I lost my son at 33 weeks last June, and the waiting to be induced is horrific.
It breaks my heart when I hear others who have experienced the same horrendous pain 💔
I just wanted to hop on and offer some things about memory making to potentially think about as I wish someone had mentioned them to myself before I gave birth to my son.
It won't feel like the right thing to do at the time but take lots of photos of everything. Even if it feels like the same picture. I have around 200 photos of my son and I forever wish I had even more. Take videos too.
Consider whether you want to hold your baby when they are born. I didn't hold my son straight away and it haunts me to this day, I feel unbelievable amounts of guilt.
There is a charity called remember my baby who will come to you, completely free of charge, and take the most beautiful professional black and white photos of you and your baby (and anyone else you'd like to include). They are professional photographers who offer their time. We have around 70/80 gorgeous photos of us with our son.
Consider if you'd like to dress your baby, change the nappy, bath them etc. Some hospitals also have a pram available to go on walks in the grounds, though I know not everyone wants to do this.
Get hand and footprints.
If it's not too late, get two blankets or two teddies or something else for the baby. Let the baby cuddle with one and you cuddle with the other, then you can swap them round when you say goodbye.
The one piece of advice I was given was you never want to look back and regret anything.

I have now gone on to have my rainbow baby (born in August). We conceived around 6 months later from 3 months of trying. This is the hardest thing you will ever go through, but I promise you will wake up one day and say their name with a smile and not tears.
Make as many memories as you can.
Sending you so much love 💙

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