Wife's pregnancy anxiety

[Desperatelytryingdad]

Hello all,

Apologies firstly as I am unfamiliar with this site and have just signed up (about 5 minutes before posting this).

My wife is 16 weeks and this is her and our first child.

She has a long history of anxiety and our baby is very much wanted and a long time coming, we actually went through IVF to get here as despite tests not showing any medical reasons, we were struggling to conceive. I am very aware the longing to start a family has placed extra pressure on her. I am (somewhat uselessly) trying everything I can to yes support but also reassure her as she often becomes very anxious around the whole thing. We have had two private scans already just to make sure nothing terrible had happened (since positive test).

The latest is that she is worried her 'bump', which I am led to believe was bigger than expected (if at all) given we're only just in second trimester, now feels "smaller" over the past week than it had done previously. I have conducted some research into why this might be however the internet is awash with varying sources and explanations for this.

If any users are able to provide some context, explanation, suggestions or similar experiences I would really appreciate that and of course if any women have advice for me as a partner I'd be extremely grateful. I of course want the pregnancy to go as well as possible however I also want the best for my wife and will endeavour to provide that as best I can.

Hi all,

Apologies for bumping however my wife was quite upset as not really feeling much kicking today despite having plenty recently. She’s 22 weeks and wanted to request any advice etc? Thanks

Has she been seeking support for her mental health?

Aww bless your darling wife, I remember the anxiety well
Has your wife spoken to her HV? She should be having a check up with her soon to listen to heartbeat with a doppler which is often done in the gp or sometimes at the hosp. It can help reassure. I definitely wouldn't advise getting one for home as it does cause anxiety and medical professionals advise not to too

I had bad anxiety during pregnancy and paid for a few private reassurance scans to put my mind at ease but that only helped for a few weeks or so. If in the same position I would give myself advice to see the gp about my MH

I hope your wife feels less anxious soon x

I had times when I couldn't feel the baby kicking as much as before. It is important that if the kicking seems to stop entirely, you get it checked. But most of the time it is just that the baby has moved into a different position, where their limbs aren't as close to sensitive bits of the Mum's body. I think having a glass of really cold water can sometimes help stimulate the baby and might help feel movements again.

I have felt this anxiety too around movements (am 21 weeks and every 2nd or 3rd day baby is quieter and freaks me out!). I’m under consultant care following a previous TFMR and he assured me that pre 24 weeks movement is expected to be sporadic and patterns are generally only observable from 28 weeks. That being said, if she’s worried, they are usually great in MAU/Triage for checking baby and there is no harm in calling to discuss and obtain that reassurance from the experts.

@Desperatelytryingdad this might not apply to everyone but when I couldn't feel kicks or movement as I usually would, I would drink a glass of ice cold water and lay flat on my back with my hands on my belly, within a few mins I would feel him moving 🤗
Again - might not be the case for everyone so don't panic if it doesn't work!
Best of luck to you both

Yes often felt the same around the same time. Often baby can just get themselves into an awkward position where you can’t feel them move. They say before 24 weeks not to worry, between 24-28 weeks speak to your midwife if worried and it’s by 28 weeks that you should recognise your baby’s pattern and call triage if you notice reduced movements.

That said, I’m 33 weeks now and there are still days where baby is a lot quieter. I also barely notice her move when I’m up and about, but usually feel her again when I sit still and concentrate on her for a while.

all the best

I was told the same thing as @Hrf1503 about the kicks. At 22 weeks it is less of a concern but if it's causing her a lot of anxiety then she can contact her healthcare provider for their advice.

There are 'kick counter' apps you can get, to log baby movement and see whether your guesses about the number of kicks are accurate but for someone with anxiety I can imagine that being a bit of an unhelpful thing to obsess over.

Hi @Desperatelytryingdad! First, thank you for being there for your wife. Having someone who really listens to the many pregnancy anxieties is so helpful! Second, like other posters, I also noticed this a lot from 21-25 weeks. Some days baby was super quiet and I would get anxious, but within a couple of days, he was back to bouncing around very noticeably. They can still get themselves into some nooks and crannies at that stage, so baby may be kicking away, but in a weird place so your wife just can’t feel them. I am 27 weeks now and movements are a lot more consistent, but some days he is still quieter than others or his movements feel lighter. If she is really concerned though, I’m sure her midwife or OB would be happy to chat or do a check up for reassurance.

@Desperatelytryingdad I really felt this about my bump and I think it was the change between feeling really bloated and puffy in those first 14/15 weeks and food being this weird thing that was functional in order to not be sick. I then got my usual appetite back and more energy so I was moving more and I really felt small around 18 weeks. I went for a private scan - all was fine. I have carried small throughout my whole pregnancy and was sent for a growth scan but baby is measuring totally average. Different people carry differently and bump size has very little relevance to baby size!

@Desperatelytryingdad re the kicking, some days babies are growing lots and have a bit less energy....I found at that point the baby is also still small so can get a little lost in there especially if her placenta is on the front so she may just not be feeling it much but actually is probably dancing at the back. If it continues, call the clinic though - always good to be cautious!

I had ivf and multiple miscarriages and I was too scared to believe that everything would turn out okay, even doubting this on the bloody operating table during EMCS and I don't even struggle with anxiety normally. It's such a difficult time. DD turned out fine, but I'm saying this do you know that others had this too and she might feel insecure and need your reassurance until well after the baby is born. Are you yourself holding up okay too?

As for the kicking, mine wasn't stable in frequency until a few weeks later than your wife. The midwife can tell you when the frequency should be stable (I forgot when). If after that point the kicking is unstable then you need to call the clinic (even in the middle of the night) and have a scan. Again ask the midwife for the information and store it on your phone. I went in with this three times and it's not uncommon as well but does need urgent checking for just-in-case.

Hi all,

Drove to see midwives circa 23:00 last night on their advice after calling. Just for a laugh, baby started kicking whilst we were waiting in hospital of course!

All was fine after some tests. A lot of what we were told echos advice given on here but will run through with my wife later as I still thinks it is reassuring for her not to feel "silly" (in her own words I must stress).

What a drama eh? I'm guessing it will not get any better when baby is here however we have been in liaison with MH team at hospital and my wife has a designated member of the team who she is in regular contact with and is also attending online sessions with others.

Must also stress now, whilst I will not reply to everyone individually, thank you all very sincerely for your advice and kind words. I still am truly stunned by how supportive this forum has been. Hopefully you won't hear much/if any more from me in this manner!

Best wishes and plenty of love to you all.