Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

disappointing announcement

22 replies

sweetdreamtennasee · 03/12/2022 18:50

Married this year and have just turned 30, back to celebrate birthday with husband, parents and brother and we have just told them we are expecting (10 weeks)

mum is constantly talking to me about babies and has been hinting about me getting pregnant for years. husband and I have been so excited to tell her. we’ve just told her them and it just sort of felt really awkward and can’t put my finger on it. dad just seems really quiet and after the initial wows and congratulations as just disassociating and checking his phone, my brother basically didn’t seem to react at all and my mum said all the right things but there didn’t seem to me much genuine emotion behind it.

A couple of hours before she was talking about how she heard songs that reminded her she was pregnant with me and she was almost in tears, she is the most emotional person I know and is so sentimental about me. Is it because I’m grown up now and their not seeing me as their baby any more? My parents make a big deal out of my birthday and my parents and brother were all excited to give me their thoughtful presents and I feel like telling them before took their shine off somehow but that’s just so silly. Husband and I are having a lie down in my room now before we go for a meal and I feel so embarrassed, husband said he felt like dad was annoyed at him.

is this a normal response? probably doesn’t help that on the train home I was getting all emotional of parent reveal videos on tiktok and this has just fallen so flat. I feel so silly for being disappointed ☹️

OP posts:

Jaybird43 · 03/12/2022 18:54

oh bless you, @sweetdreamtennasee! firstly, congratulations!! Wonderful news. Secondly, please try not to feel hurt. It’s very “real” to
you and your DH, but for some people, it’s only “real” when the bump is there / baby is kicking / baby is born. Go out and have a wonderful dinner, don’t worry about their initial responses - I’m sure the further along you go with the pregnancy, all the milestones etc, they will be getting more excited x

Cuppasoupmonster · 03/12/2022 18:54

I told mine on WhatsApp. To be honest beyond ‘wow congratulations’ there’s not much to say. Sorry if that sounds joyless!

Mosaic123 · 03/12/2022 18:57

They might be a bit worried. There are possible health matters and the general state of the world!

Are they usually anxious?

Could they have had some bad news recently?

PollyAmour · 03/12/2022 18:57

Your dad has suddenly realised you're not his little girl any more, and your mum is probably nervous about getting too excited about the prospect of a grandchild. Massive congratulations and happy birthday.

Stichintime · 03/12/2022 18:59

Maybe they felt it was too soon to get really excited?

Theunamedcat · 03/12/2022 18:59

Your mum was almost crying over a song that reminded her of her pregnancy and she barely reacted? Is everything about her? Or is this a blip?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/12/2022 19:05

They will be more excited as the pregnancy progresses and the baby becomes more real to them. From your mum's reaction though I suspect she will be more excited about her becoming a grandmother than about you becoming a mother. Your father was probably just embarrassed that you had sex 10 weeks ago and doesn't have much OB/GYN chat.

Anyway congratulations!!

Squashpocket · 03/12/2022 19:05

Mine were like this but it was easy for me to explain - dad was emotionally stunted and my mother can't bear not being the centre of attention/the universe.

No idea what the issue is with yours - based on past experience of being their child what do you think?

My lovely PIL were typically lovely at both our announcements, so it is possible.

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 03/12/2022 19:07

Many people find pregnancy announcements difficult. Even when happy about it. Finding out I was pregnant myself with much wanted and planned babies left me so worried and upset I could barely eat.

I would find my DD telling me she was pregnant difficult. I would be happy but I have lost too many babies and my reaction would be to feel worried for her, her health and the baby, and all the what ifs of pregnancy and birth. I would be concerned about her making a big announcement. I would worry that she would regret it and I would worry that she wouldn’t. It’s very emotionally charged.

might your parents have mixed emotions OP.

congratulaions on your pregnancy and happy birthday.

Thesearmsofmine · 03/12/2022 19:32

I feel like you were maybe expecting a big OTT reaction like you might see on social media but real life isn’t like that! There really isn’t much more to say than congratulations at this point. I’m sure they are happy and the excitement will come in time when you have scan photos, a bump, are buying things and of course when they meet your baby.

I would definitely advise to step away from social media because it skews your expectations of pregnancy, birth and parenting.

Cotswoldmama · 03/12/2022 19:40

I think I'd feel a bit disappointed too. My family aren't particularly emotional but my mum got tearful. Like your mum she'd hinted about babies for a while! It was the first grandchild so everyone was very excited. I imagine I'd react in a similar way if I find out I'm going to be a Grandma and cry happy tears.

Calmdown14 · 03/12/2022 19:45

My mum was a little bit like this.

It's probably a mixture of concern for you as their baby (pregnancy is risky) and that you are not 12 weeks yet.

Don't dwell on it. I'm sure they will be great but give it a few more weeks..

OrcaBlondie · 03/12/2022 21:34

Congratulations!

I think shock has a lot to do with some reactions. Once it sinks in I’m sure the excitement will come out!

Margo34 · 03/12/2022 21:48

Reaction from my parents at the prospect of DC2: "Oh good you didn't stop at one, we were worried. Pass the potatoes...." My next door neighbour was more excited and screamed the street down (she's in her 50s and dying to be a grandparent herself) 😂

LMM91x · 03/12/2022 21:50

Hello! Congrats on your pregnancy… i have a similar fear re my mum not ‘living up’ to expectations (totallt false ones I might add cos of bloody social media) where as DH mum will literally burst into tears i just know it 🤣. I think the other posters are right, it’s concern as mum to the daughter carrying the child and well with me, my mum isn’t overly emotional anyway!! I was thinking of when / how to tell her (i’m only 4 weeks) but i’ll prob just end up doing it over a cuppa really cos what else is there other than congrats! ❤️ hope you’re feeling a bit better - I totally get it xxx

PointeShoesandTutus · 03/12/2022 21:51

I think it might be shock, even if they were wanting and expecting it. My mum said (a long time after I’d had her!) that when we announced I was pregnant with DC1 she suddenly had a panic thinking ‘I’m not old enough to be a grandma, I’m not ready.’ A bit like the panic we have as mums to be when we go ‘oh shit, I’m not responsible and grown up enough for a baby!’ If it’s her first DGC it might be a lot to process. If she said the right things then I wouldn’t worry.

(And for what it’s worth, my DM is the best grandma anyone could wish for, so the initial eek is not to be worried about!!)

girljulian · 03/12/2022 21:56

I mean, I said to my mother “i have some news” and she put her hands over her face and said “oh God, no” and then I told her the news (not pregnancy related) and she said “oh thank God, I thought you were going to say you were pregnant or something awful like that” so, in the grand scheme of things!

Original poster

sweetdreamtennasee · 03/12/2022 23:39

wanted to thank everyone for responses, kind words aa d birthday wishes! have felt reassured by many of them.

a little more on there’s not much more to share than congratulations - my husband doesn’t really feel my dad acknowledged him all evening, I think is just in a lot of shock and probably having identity crisis on becoming a grandad, and he made comments about how he thought the next year was going to be a quiet one ( we got married in august and while we didn’t lean on them too heavily for anything it was a cause of anxiety for him, although absolutely loved it on the day and hasn’t been able to stop talking about it)

my mum definitely isn’t all about herself and is naturally very kind and thoughtful and sentimental to the point where my husband and I have been most excited to tell her, she cries at eveything! so it was just unusual to have her dry eyed this time. But as has been mentioned, big mixed feelings and some probably nerves along too.

a stark contrast to last weekend with in laws making a huge fuss over us and celebrating so normal to feel disappointed but trying not to let it impede on overall happiness. thank you all :)

OP posts:

PointyMcguire · 04/12/2022 05:17

Cuppasoupmonster · 03/12/2022 18:54

I told mine on WhatsApp. To be honest beyond ‘wow congratulations’ there’s not much to say. Sorry if that sounds joyless!

Yup I was the same, personally I hated the idea of telling people in person as it felt weird being congratulated for having sex.

Hopefully it hasn’t taken too much of a shine off your birthday and pregnancy, but like others have said it could they’re concerned you’ve announced quite early and don’t want to get too excited until after your 12wk scan just in case.

gbconfused · 04/12/2022 05:35

I find pregnancy announcements awkward, it's like announcing you've had sex!! It's a bit weird too because you don't look pregnant and nothing more happened for so long.

FallingsHowIFeel · 04/12/2022 05:52

I think your last sentence on your OP is the issue. You think life is like the tiktok/insta reveals and when it doesn’t measure up, you’re disappointed.

It sounds like you were congratulated and your mum, the emotional one, said all lovely things. But they didn’t react like a random family, probably in a staged situation on tiktok.

Don't get caught up in the social media bullshit, most isn’t real. It sounds like you have nice parents, like, actually nice in a real way. Appreciate that, let the news sink in. Congratulations.

CircleofWillis · 04/12/2022 06:28

Do you think that they already knew? If you told your in-laws last eeek could they have let it slip so the lack of surprise and slight resentment over being told a week later could have dampened their response?

Flip