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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Not ready

12 replies

unprepared1 · 01/12/2022 19:44

Hi,
I recently found out I am pregnant & I have no clue what to do. Me & my husband have been married just over 1 year and we always said we didn’t want children. However earlier this year I fell pregnant & had a miscarriage. It opened my eyes a little to thinking I want children just not yet. However this has happened (I’m still early) and I don’t feel excited I feel worry and I’m petrified. I’m not ready right now. But if history - A few years ago I had an etopic pregnancy and lost a tube so I’m worried that when ever I do feel ready I won’t be able to conceive and regret my decision. I’m torn on what to do.
Any advice would be much appreciated.

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xogossipgirlxo · 02/12/2022 09:19

It's normal to feel this way. We planned the pregnancy, and I am scared to think how our life is going to change. Give yourself some time. You don't need to love this pregnancy to love your baby, as long as you know you want it x

SkylightSkylight · 02/12/2022 09:23

if you want a child (ever), don't terminate. Don't take your fertility for granted.

Does your DHknow you've changed your mind about wanting children? Has he?

whether he was on board or not, I wouldn't terminate, but I'd do that knowing I was prepared to be a single parent.

CustardUnicorn · 02/12/2022 09:25

I'd contact an advisory service who can help you talk it through, like Brooke or Marie Stopes. Watch out for the anti-choice ones that pretend to be neutral on the subject but will try to make you have the baby.

Gently, you've had three pregnancies in a few years despite not wanting children. I think you need to rethink your contraception.

Not being ready is not the same as not wanting children ever. Plus having a baby turns your life upside down, there's never really a good time to do that, it always causes a bit of chaos. (Though there probably are particularly bad times).

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Original poster
unprepared1 · 02/12/2022 13:27

That’s one of my concerns, my future fertility.

my husband is not keen, he’s mindset hasn’t really changed about having them. But before the miscarriage he said he was excited. So I'm not sure. Plus he has said he is scared and doesn’t want things to change so is against it.
i don’t want to force him into it for him to resent me however I know I need to put myself first in this situation.

OP posts:
BabyFour2023 · 02/12/2022 13:30

You need to change your contraception after these frequent accidents. How old are you?

Dacadactyl · 02/12/2022 13:33

CustardUnicorn · 02/12/2022 09:25

I'd contact an advisory service who can help you talk it through, like Brooke or Marie Stopes. Watch out for the anti-choice ones that pretend to be neutral on the subject but will try to make you have the baby.

Gently, you've had three pregnancies in a few years despite not wanting children. I think you need to rethink your contraception.

Not being ready is not the same as not wanting children ever. Plus having a baby turns your life upside down, there's never really a good time to do that, it always causes a bit of chaos. (Though there probably are particularly bad times).

Good luck with whatever you choose.

LOL! Yeah cos Marie Stopes have no skin the abortion game 🙄

theydontspeakforus · 02/12/2022 13:34

Gently - if you decide not to have this baby, you should speak to your GP about your contraceptive choices.

LaLuz7 · 02/12/2022 13:36

3 accidental pregnancies is a lot for someone who says they don't want kids. Maybe double up on contraception? You're putting yourself though unnecessary anguish.

Sadbeigechildren · 02/12/2022 13:39

I wouldn't terminate because I don't think it sounds like you'll have the chance to have a baby again. It sounds like your partner would eventually be ok with it now it's happening but would never agree to try for a baby. Personally I would want to take this chance as otherwise you'll probably both be very unhappy with each other.

Theskyisfallingdown · 02/12/2022 13:40

If your husband wants to be childfree it sounds like you’re fundamentally incompatible and he urgently needs a vasectomy and you need solid contraception, ideally 2 types, to prevent a fourth accident. Keep the pregnancy if you want to, and are able to, parent-possibly alone.

Original poster
unprepared1 · 02/12/2022 14:14

I was on the implant for nearly 10 years and it worked perfectly but being on the pill doesn’t work for me clearly. I’m 28 turning 29

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Original poster
unprepared1 · 02/12/2022 14:20

I think he will be happy once he gets his head around it. It’s the initial shock and the terrible luck I obviously have.

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