Late miscarriage

[Rosegold3112]

I'm not 100% sure if this is the correct place for this, but I'm really looking for some hope.

Last week, at 17+1 I discovered my baby had passed away. The scan showed baby measuring between 15 and 16 weeks so had likely been passed for a week before I knew anything. I had no symptoms and it came as a total shock. I had to deliver my baby last Thursday and of course I'm totally devastated and heart broken. I had been under treatment for gestational diabetes since the beginning of the pregnancy so I know this may have been linked to the cause. I'm still waiting to hear if any of the tests they have carried out will reveal a cause or any answers. I also understand that late miscarriages are pretty rare.

At the moment, I have this baby shaped hole in my life. I love my son, and I would give anything to still be pregnant with him and growing him as I should be. All I can think about is hopefully getting pregnant again, not at all to replace him but I have all this love and nowhere for it to go. I've read mixed stories of how long people took to fall pregnant again (and I totally understand its a very personal decision to even go through it again). I've also seemed to come across a few stories of people who fell pregnant again fairly quickly but sadly miscarried again and this is a huge worry of mine.

Is there anyone here reading this who has experienced the same? I hope not as it's truly horrific. However if there is anyone who went on to have a healthy pregnancy, I would really appreciate hearing it.

I can't answer your question but wanted to say I'm sorry you are going through this

Sorry for your loss.

I had a late miscarriage at 21 weeks a few years ago. My baby's placenta didn't implant properly and he couldn't get enough blood supply from me.

In regards to successful pregnancies, it took me around six month to fall pregnant again, and my daughter was born healthy. I've also had another successful pregnancy since she was born, and have a 3 year old.

Take care of yourself. Accept help, and don't try to power through this alone. It was hard for me for a long time but you will feel better eventually. You learn to accept it, and live with it, although it definitely changed me as a person.

All the best x

@Notanotherone6 thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for your loss but thank you for the hope that it doesn't mean the end. I am so up and down at the moment. Some days I feel like it's not real and hasn't happened. I just can't put into words how I feel really.

I’m so so sorry for your loss OP, that is completely devastating. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in June so my situation is a little different but I did get pregnant again quickly and I’m now 25 weeks with everything looking good so far. As long as you’ve stopped bleeding and your doctor hasn’t given any other reason you should wait, you can try again as soon as you’re ready… it just might take a little time for your body to settle and ovulate again as you lost your baby later. Make sure you keep testing until you get a negative test, as heartbreaking as that is, but it means you know for sure any future positive is a new pregnancy (I’ve heard from lots of women who weren’t told this and it causes some confusion later on).

I also really recommend a podcast called The Worst Girl Gang Ever, it was so helpful to me as it made me not feel so alone and really described how I was feeling. They have a Facebook community as well for women going through loss (it’s also really helped me with TTC after loss and pregnancy after loss as well). If you’re UK based both Tommy’s and the Miscarriage Association have support lines you can call (Tommy’s is run by midwives so more useful if you have a medical question about your current loss or in any future pregnancy and MA volunteers so someone to talk to about how you’re feeling if you’re not able to access counselling).

Take care of yourself and rely on those around you for support. It is such a difficult time and everything you are feeling is valid. All the best x

Oh @Rosegold3112 that’s awful, so sorry you’re going through this.

It wasn’t a late miscarriage but I lost my first pregnancy at the start of the year and it hit me hard as I hadn’t realised just how common miscarriages were. We started TTC again straight away as whilst emotionally/mentally I didn’t feel ready at 34 I didn’t feel I had the luxury of waiting until I was emotionally ready. We fell pregnant a few months later and I’m now 34wks and counting down the weeks til we meet our little girl.

I’m not going to lie, even though our pregnancy has been low risk I have found it incredibly hard anxiety-wise. I actually sobbed when I got my BFP as whilst I was happy to be pregnant I was terrified I wasn’t mentally prepared for if it went wrong again. The first 12wks were the worst, I was super lucky to not have much in the way of symptoms, but that only made me worry more. We had a viability scan at 8wks (I was convinced it was going to be a ectopic) and there was our little pea with a tiny heartbeat. I also felt a huge amount of guilt over the baby I lost, which I think has only been made worse by the fact our due date is the day we lost our first, so incredibly bittersweet.

The start of the 2nd trimester was also tough as I just didn’t feel pregnant at all, and then when the movements started I overanalysed everything! If I’m honest, even with 5wks to go I don’t think I truly believe I’ll have a baby at the end of all this, though I think that’s just my brain’s way of protecting me.

Try to be gentle with yourself, you’ve been through a lot and it’ll take a while to feel like you again. There’s absolutely no right or wrong answer to when you try again, just listen to your gut and try not to feel disheartened if it doesn’t happen straight away. I’d had so many people tell me they fell pregnant the month after their loss so when it didn’t happen it just added to my fear that it’d never happen for us.

@Rosegold3112 hi there, so sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard to comprehend how hard a miscarriage hits, and especially in the second trimester.
I don't know if I can give you any hope or positivity as I'm kind of still in the thick of it all myself, but sometimes it helps me to hear of others going through similar.
I've lost 2 pregnancies in the second trimester this year alone and am now pregnant for the 3rd time.
In March my baby died at 17 weeks gestation and for no apparent reason as all tests came back clear. Just cited as 'one of those things'. I was extremely anxious and nervous then with the following pregnancy, where I cried and was physically sick at every single scan. Unfortunately this too ended in a loss which I found out at 20 weeks. Honestly I still can't really believe it, and I'm 12 weeks on. The doctors perked up a bit then and seemed to be more curious why this has happened. I am still waiting on the Post Mortem results so cause still unknown. I'm scared if they tell me there was no cause again, but doubly scared if they say it's something terrible with no treatment plan or low success rates. Now to add into the mix my current pregnancy - I am 6 weeks but the same doctors haven't reacted to it the way they said they would back in September. They said there's no rush on talking about if I should go on Progesterone or Cyclogest or whatever, just wait and see, and as you can imagine I am a nervous wreck! Feel like I'm leading myself into another loss here... feel totally helpless and out of control.
I hope the fact that I've conceived really quickly after each loss can give you some hope, and the only advice I would say is please push as much as you can for support in all aspects. If you can afford private maternity and mental health care please get it as you may be waiting a while on NHS doctors to spring into action.
Wishing you every success and happiness in the future x

So sorry to hear of your loss. I had a miscarriage at 17 weeks, i felt devastated and very concerned about my future fertility. However, i fell pregnant the following month and carried to term. Followed 2 years later by a second baby. Both moody teens now!! I wish you all the best with navigating this difficult time.

Hi OP. I am very sorry that your baby died before birth. That's so hard to cope with.
I lost my first baby at nearly 15 weeks. The placenta stopped working.
I got pregnant quickly after that, and had another (much earlier) miscarriage. Then (after two more months) I became pregnant with DD, and she was born healthy.
I really hope you become pregnant again as soon as possible and that your baby is born safely.

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss, it will take time to grieve. In 2019 I lost my baby at 19 weeks, I was devastated, I was also 39 at the time so my age was against me, I did have a further three miscarriages, all before 12 weeks. However I am currently 31 weeks with my little miracle. All I can say is don’t give up xx

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. It is absolutely devastating and you will still be so raw in the very early weeks since losing your precious baby.

I had an unexplained full term stillbirth in 2020. Initially I was absolutely desperate to be pregnant again. We were prepared on every level to bring our longed for baby home and this changed in a blink of an eye. This is a normal stage of the grief and although everyone of course is so unique and there's no right or wrong, after a few weeks this changed and I was definitely not ready to be pregnant again; I needed time to be able to completely focus on the grief. When ready we were very lucky to fall quickly (after a long wait for the first pregnancy) and that baby was born safely.

Wishing you all the best.

Hi I know this is an old post, but going through a similar situation and wondering how OP is, did you get your rainbow baby?

@Tiamaria20 im so sorry to hear you're going through similar. I'm sending you so much love and strength, you're not alone. I did indeed get my rainbow baby. I started trying immediately and it took 6 months exactly almost (I found out I was expecting 19 days after my angels due date). It felt like forever but my body obviously needed that time to heal. My rainbow will be 8 months old on Fri. I'm hoping you get your rainbow too, do whatever you need to to get through this dark time x

Thank you for getting back to me! I'm glad you got your rainbow here safe and sound. I already have 2 children but didn't feel finished and went for the 3rd. We are just beyond devastated he has passed away. I was 20 plus weeks, you think your safer when you get to that point 😔 I know it's too early as it only happened last week, but feel the hope of another will push me through this. Xx