Hello all
Please bare with me; I feel awfully guilty about the way I feel.
I am pregnant with my fourth child; my husband and I are thrilled. I have talked about this for years. I have also struggled with eating disorders for years to the point of hospitalization. I have come a very long way and am in therapy.
I honestly felt I could manage the intrusive thoughts regarding my body and food during my pregnancy. Within the last few days the fear of weight gain has really begun to ruin my joy. I don't mind gaining weight but I am terrified of gaining an excessive amount.
I have been eating well so far: wholefoods, healthy fats, vegetables, fruit and so on). If I have a craving for something like chocolate pr crisps I will do my utmost to suppress it. I don't want to make my pregnancy stressful. I am 40 and this may be my last opportunity (I'd love to had at least one more child).
In two previous pregnancies I ate to excess and losing the weight afterwards was a nightmare-enter in disordered eating and feeling utterly disgusted with myself. I actually stopped leaving the house for a time and when I did eventually start, it was only when I was sure I wouldn't be seen by people who knew me. Ugh! When I think back to those times I feel so ashamed. As I say, I am still in therapy and I am much improved I just don't want to feel like this now, during what is meant to be a magical time.