21 weeks and full of regret

[Tiredanddown]

Please don’t flame me; I’m feeling very very low. I’m 21 weeks pregnant with a planned baby, my second child (first is 2). I felt really broody over the summer and also felt DD would benefit from a sibling and here I am. But a few weeks ago it was like a switch going off - I wish I had never done this. I don’t want another baby, I don’t have any good feelings about this pregnancy at all. I’m just full of fear and regret and wish I could turn the clock back 6 months but I can’t. What do I do? I feel very flat and dark inside and just want my old life back.

You've left it a bit too late to have thoughts like that, haven't you? Try to go back mentally to the place where you felt positive about the idea. Yes, it will be good for your first child to have a sibling, and at least you'll know this is definitely the last one! Good luck OP.

Are you able to pinpoint exactly what is scaring you?

I'm sure you've had moments of intense anxiety and angst with your first pregnancy. Can you think back what it felt at the time, what your fears were and relate that to how the reality of it compared? How many of those fears were realised? In what way was the birth of your first much more amazing/eazy/exciting that you expected?

I'm sure you don't regret your daughter and don't hate being a parent, otherwise you wouldn't even have considered a second. So I guess what i'm trying to say is thar such feelings are normal and understandable, but you need to put the in context and remember that feelings are not facts. The fear and regret you feel now do not in any way mean you will continue to feel the same once the baby is here.

Can you articulate what it is you fear? Is your partner supportive?

Unfortunately I don't think abortion is longer an option, unless you think you could justify to yourself terminating a fetus that has a chance at survival if born tomorrow.

@Dillydollydingdong

that's not really very helpful is it

Jeeeze some of these replies are ridiculous! @Tiredanddown hormones have such a lot to answer for a lot of the time but it’s also so so normal to experience waves of different emotions, thoughts and feelings about pregnancy, baby, your present and your future. Don’t be hard on yourself, if there’s anyone around you that you trust, have a chat with them (your midwife is a good point of contact if you don’t feel able to talk to friends/family). Things change all the time, your feelings may change again in a few days/weeks/months. In the meantime, talk and be kind to yourself x

Antenatal anxiety is very common so please don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling negative. Have a chat with your GP or midwife about your feelings x

I was like this op at the end of the last pregnancy. I'm not sure why to be honest it just came on one day. I remember being told I was being induced and wanting to run away .
Anyway I had him the next day and I'm not sure what that feeling was but we was fine. I honestly think it's where we get so stressed, anxious and worried we blame the baby for the changes instead of realising it's just anxiety and can be normal. But if you feel these thoughts won't go, or that you really do regret this. Talk it through with someone. You'll find a lot of people can relate and understand. It's tough being pregnant but you will be ok.

This. Your brain is playing tricks on you right now. Seek help!

Thanks everyone.

I’m not sure what’s brought it on. I was so certain I wanted another baby and a sibling for DD and that I would cope. Now it feels like I’ve ruined everything and I can’t undo it.

I’m going to call perimental MH tomorrow, I’m on their books from DD.

I’m going to call perimental MH tomorrow, I’m on their books from DD.

Good call.

Definitely talk to someone. I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my second and my DD is 16 months.
I have been having so many mixed emotions as it gets closer to the due date. Mainly fear as I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to cope with 2 of them.
I had a very low week where my DD was teething and her sleep was awful and that really didn't help me. I spoke to my midwife who said they could refer me if I wanted to but that it can be very normal for emotions to be up and down. Because it was just a week and I felt better talking about it, I didn't ask to be referred but the midwife will be there to listen to you.
Try and figure out what it is that is causing you to feel that way. I know mine is the panic of sleep (or lack of) and juggling their naps/bedtime whilst DP is at work.
I hope you feel better x

I had this with DD2. Had a good pregnancy stable relationship etc but really felt that I had done the wrong thing. I can't really explain it but I remember nights I just lay there thinking what I have done.

She is now 4 and as batshit crazy as they come but she completed our family. She was like the wee piece that was missing.

I think it's normal to be worried and feel like you have made a mistake and upsetting the Apple cart but look after yourself.

Take care Op it's ok to feel the way you do.

Yes, this ^^

You can get antenatal depression, i hadn't ever heard of it before I had it xxx

21 weeks also and been feeling exactly the same today. Thank you for posting this OP. It’s been reassuring to read the responses, I hope they help you. I know for me reading the news and all the doom and gloom about cost of living is really not helping with the feelings of regret and anxiety.

@PeachSquashAddict not that I would wish this on anyone but so relieved to see I’m not alone. Is this your first baby? Feel free to PM me if you like.

I had very similar feelings recently (I’m 32 weeks today) and this is our second very much longed for IVF baby! I was really freaking out we had made a mistake and life was perfect the way it was and why had we risked it all. I had a good cry one night and was really honest with how I was feeling to my husband and it lifted the following day - I put it down solely to hormones. Please don’t beat yourself up, from speaking to all my friends it’s a very natural fear/emotion with second pregnancies.

Thank you again everyone. Currently in bed with a hot chocolate and feeling a bit less distressed than when I first posted. What’s really scaring me is the thought of the baby being a ‘wrong decision’ - looking back in a few years and wishing we had never done it, or there being something wrong with the baby that upsets the Applecart of our happy family.

But I also know when it was just us 3, I felt there was someone missing and that DD would really benefit from a playmate. I have really enjoyed her toddler years and want to do it all over again. I just really hope the new baby is a good fit for us all. If that makes sense.

I've had times of feeling like this with all three of my (much wanted) pregnancies. Weeks at a stretch with #3 - I just couldn't get my head around the idea that the thankless bump would be a proper and beautiful little person and that I would love her. But she's here now, and the love came with her, as it did with my older two as well (rather slowly and with a horrible spell of pnd with my first). Pregnancy is long and hard and in my opinion there is no bonding with a bump! Take all the support you can get, op, but do have hope that things will get better and your new child will fit into your family.

A slightly better evening again. I had an enormous meltdown earlier to DH, who was the tower of strength that I needed. I’m very lucky in that he’s a ‘capable’ type who always picks me up and says ‘we can do this’. And points out when I’m being frankly ridiculous or catastrophising.

He’s asked me to get back in touch with perinatal mental health which I will tomorrow and also suggested I make a few weekend plans with friends while he looks after DD. I’m spending too much time sitting around the house at the moment and it isn’t helping.