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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Telling Manager I’m pregnant but Terrified

9 replies

ColloMama · 25/11/2022 12:13

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice.

My manager is really nice but sometimes he can be difficult. We are a team of 7 and every time he is informed about a pregnancy, he gets a bit of a cob on just at the prospect of his staff having maternity/paternity.

For example: two other women in the office a few years ago, he wouldn’t speak to them for weeks when they informed him they were pregnant. Another was one of the men in our team letting his manager know in advance when his wife was having her planned c-section and the manager tried to kick off ‘passive aggressively’ about how men do not need to take paternity leave as a way of making him feel guilty for taking his entitled two weeks off. (This was almost every day 4 weeks leading up to his paternity.)

When I was pregnant in 2020, he didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks until I had spoke to another member of staff saying I felt uncomfortable. Then he told all the managers across our department in a meeting and was acting all nice about it (but he had told everyone before I was even 12 weeks!)

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I’m pregnant and already was getting a bit sick at 4 weeks (earlier than last time.) My mum has said I’m probably best to tell him sooner rather than later if I’m already sick (I’m now 5 weeks) but I’m terrified of him getting annoyed with me again. It makes a really horrible atmosphere and it’s not only me that he has been like that with (I suppose I should consider that a positive that it’s more of a reflection of his attitude than mine)

i don’t want to fall out with him either because other than his weird attitude to being a parent/family friendly policies, he is actually alright. He is quite reasonable with other things like if we ever need to come in later or go home early etc. I don’t know what to do…

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BritishDesiGirl · 25/11/2022 12:24

He is not reasonable if he reacts like that to pregnancy news from anyone. He has no right to make you feel uncomfortable and the reason he continues is that he is allowed to. What do sort of a manager doesn't speak to his employees for weeks on end.

He is edging towards illegal behaviour, pregnancy discrimination.

I would tell him as you don't have a choice. Would you be able to take in a another person so that you have some support.

Also call Pregnant than screwed . They can offer advice.

AriettyHomily · 25/11/2022 12:29

He not reasonable at all. Is it just the seven of you or a wider company? I'd bypass him notify HR if so and they can deal with it.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 25/11/2022 18:40

His behaviour is inappropriate and likely against employment policy.

Also, if you tell him now then basically the whole office will know you are pregnant due to how he is treating you.

DuchessDandelion · 25/11/2022 18:45

Well his behaviour is discriminatory based on your sex so it's more than agasing company policy, its illegal.

theydontspeakforus · 25/11/2022 18:47

Do people like this actually exist in real life? How are they not sacked the first time they do something discriminatory??

Milesty1 · 25/11/2022 18:49

I would tell all of this to HR and ask them to be present when you tell him

Milesty1 · 25/11/2022 18:50

Ring up ‘pregnant then screwed’ for advice if you need

notdaddycool · 25/11/2022 18:50

I'd tell HR or his manager, he's an odd fellow.

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 25/11/2022 18:56

Yes, sorry I wasn't clear, I agree with @DuchessDandelion - his behaviour contravenes government employment policy eg it is illegal.

@theydontspeakforus I suspect because people think "oh Charlie is always such a grumpy about maternity/paternity" rather than "Charlie is a prick who is acting in an abusive and illegal way to his employees" 😮‍💨😖

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