I've just found out I'm pregnant and don't know what to do

[22yrold]

I have recently turnt 22 and have just discovered I am pregnant. It came as the biggest shock as I was inbetween contraception at the time. I've been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years now and he has been very supportive, he acknowledged that he always thought we would be younger parents but not this young, however he says he will support any decision I make. Although I am unprepared, apart of my feels ready for this - I have considered an abortion but I just dont like the idea of having one myself. The thing that is stopping me is the absolutley awful guilt I would have towards my boyfriend, he is amazing, supportive and I really can't fault him and I feel like it would be so unfar to make him a parent when he is only 20 and has so many plans for us to go travelling etc,. I just feel so torn over everything, I dont think I have stopped crying since I found out last week.

Are your boyfriends feelings the only thing stopping you from having an abortion?

Sending hugs xx

But if he's supportive then it should be okay? I'm sorry you're having to make a difficult choice but give yourself a bit of time to let it sink in.

P.s. it takes two to tango, you're not making him a parent, you have both gotten into this situation so no need for either of you to feel guilty!

You will both be in shock since it was unexpected. Take some time to figure out the best option for you both and don't rush into a decision. Do you know how many weeks you are?

I fell pregnant at 21 (unplanned) and the shock was real for both my partner and I but we knew it was just meant to be for us. Our son is now 2.5 years old and we also have a 6 month old boy! They are both amazing and have changed our lives forever.

Take care @22yrold x

You must do what is right for you. If your partner truly is supportive he will support you whatever decision you make. How far along are you? Can you take a few days to yourself to really think about this?

Personally I wouldn't have the baby. Not for your boyfriend, but for yourself. I had my eldest at 29 and whist the difference between 22 and 29 doesn't sound that much, for me and my friends it was huge. At 22 I was only recently graduated, spent my weekends boozing and out on the town had no money to speak of and was closer to still being a flighty teenager than an adult and parent. By 29 I'd been working in a proper, 'adult' career for a number of years, had been on some nice holidays, saved some money and wasn't as interested in spending all of my evenings out anymore.

You only get one youth, I wouldn't she's wanted to spend my early 20s tied down to a baby. There's no shame in having an abortion and waiting until you're in a better position, both financially yes but emotionally too.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Oh and also- pressed post too soon!- whilst this is huge for your boyfriend too, it just doesn't restrict men in the same way. My DH is very hands on and brilliant but having kids just hasn't affected his life in the same way that it has mine.

I’m afraid I wouldn’t have a baby at your age either. It’s going to be so tough and everything is so expensive currently. Assuming the pregnancy is in its early stages it should be a case of taking pills. Perhaps talk it over with your parents and see if they’re prepared to be financially supportive.

I had a termination at 22 and then a baby at 24, 100% do what is right for you. I know now I couldn't have coped with a baby at 22 but by 24 we were actively trying. Sending hugs and suggest you look at the pregnancy choices board, it helped me so much at the time

What are the practical considerations? If you went ahead and he changed his mind would you be able to support yourself and a baby? Is your housing secure? Do you live together? Are you working? Do you have close supportive family and friends? He may well think he’d be up for it but statistically the relationship is unlikely to last so strongly consider how you’ll feel if you become a single mum.

It’s your decision and yours alone but babies quickly turn into children and they take up vast amounts of time, energy and money and it’s not all just about having a cute chubby newborn because that stage doesn’t last long and the more stressful the rest of your life is the less fun you and a baby might be.

I had an abortion at 21, nearly 40 years ago, and never looked back. It's no different in my mind than a miscarriage, except that your mind rather than your body makes the decision. Nothing to be afraid or ashamed of.

What are your living arrangements? And jobs?