Struggling with announcing (IVF) pregnancy

[Colz10]

Wondering if anyone has any advice or has been through anything similar, I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant with our first IVF baby. I’ve been really anxious since finding out that something will
go wrong although appointments and scans are all fine so far.

We’ve only told our parents (mine at 12 weeks and DH this week) and it’s really ramped up my anxiety. They have both been so OTT excited especially PIL which has made me feel terrible as although I’m excited I’m mainly just worried about everything and it’s made me feel like they are more excited than me. I feel like the more people that know the more worried I’m becoming.

PIL now keep asking when we will be telling other family members and relatives as they want to announce it to all their friends and talk about it. It’s filling me with absolute dread telling anyone else. If it was a ‘normal’ pregnancy I might feel different and obviously I know we need to tell people but I’m really struggling. Also to add we went through the whole IVF process on our own and still haven’t told anyone about it, they obviously don’t know how difficult it has been for us which isn’t their fault of course but it isn’t helping.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope, sorry if my post is a bit rambling. Thanks

I think if you are not ready to announce to anyone else you just say to them we're not ready to announce it yet. Pregnancy anxiety is so hard to deal with but it's your pregnancy at the end of the day and they may be itching to tell everyone but it's your news to share when you feel ready for it if you feel ready. I know a fair few people that didn't share the news with the wider collective of people until baby had arrived. Big hugs and congratulations ❤️

Hiya, we had the same, loads of pressure from MIL to announce our pregnancy (ivf) but we managed to put it off until after the 20 weeks scan. Maybe try that with them?
To be honest even then we didn’t want to share but I was quite obviously pregnant then it was getting hard to hide. Some people still don’t know though and I’m now 31 weeks. Do what’s best for you xxx

Can you not confide in them how difficult it has been for you to conceive, and therefore how anxious you're feeling right now? (Don't have to be specific about the IVF if you don't want to - let them draw their own conclusions).

There will come a point when you feel happier to talk about it - and you may start showing such that it's obvious! - so perhaps you could fix on a time when you feel it is OK to talk about it.

But more than anything else, congratulations!

I think given the fact you've not given them the context, you are being a bit unfair.

Of course they are excited and, without knowing how hard won this pregnancy is, they won't know how anxious you are feeling.

To be honest many people would be offending if their parents/ in-laws didn't show lots of excitement.

I would tell them the whole story now. Did you tell your own parents about the IVF. That would make a difference to how they are acting.

To be honest, if you haven't told your own parents, I'd be questioning why they aren't as excited as your in-laws....

That should say people would be offendED

You have to do what is right for you to protect your self. Don't be rushed into anything for anyone else.

I had a similar situation, I went through the whole of my pregnancy not telling many people at all. Some people probably thought it was a bit weird but most people are too polite to mention it.

I met a school friend in Tesco, I was 1 week away from having my baby, I never mentioned it and neither did she!

Tell the in-laws as much as you need do to get them to back off. There will be lots of time for them to brag to their friends when the baby is here.

Put yourself first.

With our ivf we didn't announce until after the 20 week scan to be sure everything was OK x

Not the same, but due to multiple losses, I felt similarly. I just messaged family and friends (all at different stages) and just asked them not to talk to me about it because I was anxious. They did know about my losses though so made it easier to disclose I was anxious and for them to understand why.

Fwiw, no one was offended that I told them later than the traditional '12 weeks'. I say just tell people when you're ready. I didn't show with my first until around 20 weeks and so you may be able to go a while undetected if that's what you want.

Good luck and congratulations!

When I had my first baby I was very nervous after a previous miscarriage so I just messaged anyone who I was close to and told them when I was about 13 weeks and let them know I was still feeling a bit anxious and everyone was great. I never made a big pregnancy announcement on any of mine I always just told those who need to know.

I completely feel you. A loss at end of T1 before, taken 2 years more to conceive this pregnancy, and I'm also 14 weeks! Parents and in laws SO KEEN to be allowed to say and I am still so so worried. It's okay. I just keep saying no, I'm anxious, that's understandable, 20 weeks will check for any problems and let's think about it then

No ivf pregnancies, but for both we told parents and siblings quite soon after we found out (5 weeks or so) but told wider family and friends after the 20 week scan.

I wanted to see the results of the combined test, do the nipt for genetic abnormalities and also confirm at 20 week scan there are no heart, kidney, etc issues (that can appear independent of any genetic abnormalities).

immediately after scan we told everyone.

I told my parents and in laws that’s why I wanted to wait and they were understanding.

I just find other peoples opinions in pregnancy really irritating and I don't get wound up by comments usually.

If you don't want to tell people, don't tell them. You don't need to announce at all. Just tell your family you will announce once baby has arrived if that is what would make you feel more comfortable.

I have been pregnant through IVF twice and it is very nerve wracking going through it. I told people straight away with the first so I didn't have to wait for a big exciting announcement because I didn't want people getting carried away with positivity when I knew there was still a chance I wouldn't take home a baby. I used to use a miscarriage odds calculator and it was reassuring to me when the odds went down so much every day. When I did lose one of the pregnancies, it didn't make people knowing or not knowing any better really, if that helps at all.

on my last pregnancy I struggled to believe it was really going to be ok, I think I was scared to believe it.

what got me through was saying ‘I’m pregnant today, I’m just going to enjoy today’ and made a decision to make the most of every day with my baby. Forget everyone else.

All the very best to you x

It's completely your choice who and when you choose to tell. I had my second baby in August following a third trimester loss last June.
When I was pregnant with my son who passed away we told everyone. We announced it on Facebook etc and everyone knew, then when he died at 33 weeks we felt we had to make another Facebook announcement.
Therefore when I was pregnant with my daughter we only told our closest family and friends and then anyone we bumped into, but only when it was clearly obvious that I was pregnant. We then announced her once she'd arrived safely - safe to say everyone was very shocked! I actually enjoyed the privacy though 💖

I totally understand this OP. I’m also pregnant through IVF and have told my parents and DH’s and that’s it. I really don’t want to tell anyone else until about 7 months at least but I don’t know if it will be too obvious before then…I don’t want to upset or offend good friends but this whole IVF process has been a very private one for DH and I and if feels like I want the pregnancy to be too. My ideal situation would be for the whole pregnancy to go unnoticed till I safely give birth. 🤞 And to tell people then!!

You might feel better once you have told them and it is done. A short text rather than a drawn out conversation. The build up to telling people might add to the stress