am I too old

[Bex2259]

Hi all

I'm a 41 year old mum of 2, 23 yo son and 20 yo daughter and I'm 9 weeks pregnant.
My other half is leaving the decision as to whether I continue with the pregnancy to me and I'm lost.

I'm caught up with the idea that I'm too old and the age gap is too large, then there's the economy. Everytime a settle one way or another something changes my mind.

I guess I just need to guidance, I know that ultimately this choice is mine to make.

Thanks everyone

Just got to think that's all of your 40s, 50s and 60s raising a baby to a adult. You'll be in your 60s when they are in university.
Are you ready for that?

The choice is yours, no need to make a rush decision. Weigh up the pros and cons for both of you and your existing children.

@WednesdaysChild11 we can agree to disagree then.
I believe money is a huge factor when raising a child and that you should have a level of financial stability before bringing a child into this world and I’m not going to change my mind on that.
I personally think it’s irresponsible to bring a child into the world you can’t support.
The economy doesn’t always change your personal situation but right now a lot of people are keeping the heating off and struggling to put food on the table for themselves that’s not an environment you should raise a child in.

@Starpop I am really sorry for your loss.
I understand life isn’t ever a given.

@firsttimelondonmummy so you believe only the well off should have children?
I know a lot of "poorer" mums who are amazing and "well off" mums who are neglectful. And vice Versa. Money does not make a good parent

Thank you @firsttimelondonmummy i appreciate that x

It's irresponsible to get pregnant in the first place if you have such doubts. But I don't want to fight. I think we will have to agree to disagree like you say.

Definitely not too old!!! All the best x

@supersonicginandtonic lets be clear poor and poorer are very different things.
If you are barely keeping afloat yourself you shouldn’t be considering having a child.
Thats my personal opinion after seeing it first hand.

I have a large age gap. My DC are 25, 19 and 4. I was slightly younger at 39 when I had the little one. It's worked out really well for me and you're definitely not too old.

It's up to you though!

I don't think anyone can really say and even if you wrote a list of pros and cons I doubt it would be of much help given the cons list regardless of your age would be more than the pros. It really depends on how you feel which is of no help but I hope the answer comes to you one way or another.

@Kikikik has the measure of it. Ignore the anti-choice posters.

Biologically - you are clearly not too old to have a baby or you wouldn’t be asking this question.

Practically - it is absolutely up to you whether you proceed with the pregnancy. Being pregnant and raising a child are fundamentally different, as you already know.

Wish you the best whatever you decide.

From a medical point of view you're not too old. Many women have babies at your age or older. If your kids were small then maybe you wouldn't be asking yourself this question.

I think in your case the real issue is that your children are now adults and if you have this baby you will be starting again from the newborn stage. It will be another 20 years before all your children have flown the nest. And unless you try to get pregnant again after this one, this baby will effectively be an only child because their siblings will be almost a different generation.

Only you and your husband can decide what is right for you. This baby might be an unexpected blessing that you never regret, or you might decide that you don't want to do all of this again at this point in your lives, and terminate the pregnancy.

Either way, I would try to make a decision soon, because 9 weeks is already quite far along in terms of when most terminations are performed.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I’m having my 2nd now at 42, I definitely don’t think I’m too old. And so what if I’ll be 70 when they’re 30. More incentive to keep healthy and active as I grow older. I wouldn’t have been ready to have children earlier.

in your case they also have their older siblings and will have lots of support if you’re not around.

i have family around me that also had children late 30s- early 40s, my children have cousins of the same age with same age parents.

starting again can be daunting if you’d had a long break. Myself with a 4 year gap, I am rested, my DD is quite independent now so no worries on that front.

you’ll have lots of support from the older children. If I were you I’ll have them babysitting from time to time, so you can have a break when you need to.

You aren't too old but you may not want to start all over again, my kids are the same age as yours and no way would i want to go back to nappies!

I'll be honest, I think I would terminate

Take your age out of the equation OP and ask yourself whether you actually WANT to have another baby when your two older DC are grown up. Do you really want to go back to the baby stage? Do you really want to do potty training, nursery and school all over again? Many women have DC at 41, but for many of them it won't be starting all over again with adult DC and that's the difference here. Your DC are grown up. You'll probably be a grandma before too long. You've just got your life back to yourselves after 20 years of child raising, so do you really want to do it all over again? Only you can answer that.

I do t think it's an issue of being too old to have a baby. I'll be giving birth to my first at 38 and plan on another soon after. What you might want to think about is your stage of life. You have raised your family and night now want time for you and your husband free from ties and responsibility. Do you want to be in the 'baby stage' again?

You'd have a 19 year old at 60. Wouldn't be for me personally, I definitely wouldn't want to start over with nappies, bottles, weaning, potty training etc etc I love the freedom of having an older teen and definitely wouldn't want to go back. I'd have a termination without a second thought.

Perhaps take a look at this thread too OP, if you need a reminder of what having a small DC is really like: www.mumsnet.com/talk/primary/4681664-are-all-schools-a-germ-breeding-ground?reply=121745599