Unexpected second pregnancy, young baby, feeling guilty and sad

[JarvisCockersLeftEyebrow]

Hi everyone. I’m just looking for a hand hold really. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again, my DS is really little, and I had a medically complicated pregnancy. I’ve just been loving enjoying him, and I feel so guilty that I’m about to turn his little life upside down. I feel awful that he won’t be my ‘baby’ anymore and just really really sad that this isn’t further down the line.

I’m not sure I really can do it, but I don’t think I can bring myself to have a termination. I’m in a right pickle. Any hand holding and chats appreciated. The gap between them would be 17 months, barely.

ps, I know that this might be an insensitive thread. I’m so sorry to those who find this hard. DS took almost 4 years to conceive so I do know those feelings. My old self would want to kick me now!

This was me. I found out I was pregnant with my second (due any day now) when my youngest was still little in my eyes - although not quite as little as yours.
It took me about 6 weeks to stop crying with guilt and worry. I did however know I wanted the baby and having it was the only option for me so perhaps that may have helped.
I would say I only have felt connected with the pregnancy however from about 7 and a half months. I started to feel excited.
I'm just trying to share that your feelings can change from the very early days. I spoke to my consultant and she said that this was common to not feel a connection as much with a second baby as you don't have as much time, but normally, as long as it is a wanted pregnancy deep down, those feelings will grow - and for me this was very much the case.

Thank you so so much for your response. That sounds very sensible. I’m sure that you are right. Probably deep down this is actually a very wanted pregnancy, just like my DS was. I just wish it had come later. It’s all a bit overwhelming for now. Thank you so much for replying. Best of luck with your second birth when the times comes!

I had my two babies close together on purpose. They have had so much fun growing up together! Always someone to play with. Your little ones will be great mates.

Thank you so much for responding! That’s reassuring that some people do this on purpose 🤣what is the gap between yours if you don’t sharing?

I also had two close together on purpose with about 20 months between them. They are teenagers now and it's been wonderful.

I hope you have an easier pregnancy this time but absolutely don't worry about having two little ones, it will be perfect.

Ds2 is due may and there will be a 15 month age gap! It'll be fun haha, I was so angry and devastated at the start but now I just think they'll grow up as a little team and play together.

Thank you all 💐

My kids are 17 months apart and it was planned. They're 4 and 5 now and play together all the time (bar the occasional fight). They're also interested in the same toys and days out which makes life easier.

I’m in the same position only I’m pregnant with an unexpected third! My DD is only just a year old and I’ll have less than an 18 month gap.

No idea how ill cope, plus she’s a very clingy baby. No advice either just solidarity, I’m sure we will all be fine!

I experienced very similar and took a long time to conceive my first as well. I opted to terminate. It was a very hard choice but ultimately the right one and, for us, the alternative would have been much harder. I later went on to have another child when we were ready.

There's 17m between my 2nd and (unexpected) third. I did feel similar when I first found out but they have had a lovely relationship. They're teens now.

4 and 5 are 22m apart and that's lovely too, although 17m was better because they both napped! DC stopped napping the week DC5 arrived 😭

Thank you all so much for responding. So much to think about.

It will be brilliant - we’ve 14 months between ours (planned) and they are great company and it’s not double the work (you are doing as much as you will then)