Pregnant at 41 with no4!

[MakingLifeBetter]

Help, sage mothers!

I have a 7, 5 and 19m. I’m 41 and just found out I’m early-days pregnant with no4. We weren’t trying but I didn’t feel ready to close this chapter in my life. I was content with my first two, and then no3 came along in a challenging way (difficult pregnancy, c section after lying transverse, and my first postnatal depression which lasted 11m), but I adore him soooo much. And soon after he arrived I imagined doing it all over again.

I’m worried about:
my age, but will have harmony test. My age regarding how old I’ll be when baby is grown up and also complications - risks for baby mainly. We are blessed with three healthy children.
Finances - when no3 came along there was no cost of living crisis. Our finances have taken a plunge since no3 as I haven’t been able to work much as I’m looking after him so much (which is wonderful but we have zero savings, can just about pay mortgage and bills).
Other people. Our families have made it clear their thoughts on us having any more - that we’d be mad. They see us struggling with three. Friends too will not understand. Most of my friends have two or none!
We don’t have much family help as my lovely mum is getting older so can only handle the older two (who are wonderful).

Am I utterly selfish to be wanting a number 4? My husband also worried about money and my health but is open to idea of it.

I’ll be just turned 42 when baby arrives. And I realise it could disappear as v early days.

oh, and another thing… my best friend has been Ttc her first for a couple of years and had a horrible loss last year… she fell pregnant the exact same time as me and is also 4-5w pregnant. Obviously I don’t want to tell her just yet about me as I want to focus on her joy but also her understandable anxiety.

Thanks for any advice

Hi
just wanted to say I’m on a similar boat, 41 with a 19 month old and just found out am pregnant.. we weren’t trying but not really being very careful especially as it was so difficult to get pregnant with my son, didn’t think it would just happen again, haven’t told hubby yet as it’s early days and I’ve had 3 losses before and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I worry that I’m too old :/ but would love my son to have a sibling

I had a baby at 40 another at 43 and early pregnant now at 45 all naturally conceived.my youngest is 16months old so still have pram toys etc so nothing more to buy only clothes depending on the sex,we are the same I don’t work at the minute and cost of living going up,if you got a roof over your head and food on the table that’s the main thing.I don’t speak to my family but they were never happy when i was pregnant with the older 3,it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks it’s up to you and your partner and what they think that matter.

Congratulations:) I have four. We aren’t rolling it it but have found ways to be better with money. I’m ebaying things we don’t need anymore, buying nice clothes for baby on vinted, reusing and not buying as much as before and shopping in supermarkets that are cheaper. I have also taken on a couple of extra bits of work. It is stressful with lots of little ones and financial pressures but I wouldn’t change any of it. I love being a mother of four. I feel incredibly fortunate that we all have our health and that I get to do the baby thing again. I did feel very worried when I was pregnant but he has slotted in so well and we are managing with finances…xx

Congratulations OP, try not to worry, take each day as it comes, people will get used to the idea. If you and DH are happy, nothing else matters.

A little selfish to have a fouth when you have no savings and only one income coming in. But the time to ponder all these issues was before... I take it you haven't been using contraception and leaving it up to chance? I would find that foolish and selfish. But I totally understand that it's a whole different equation now that you are pregnant and you might not be able to handle the thought of terminating.

Thank you all, and to @Isthismylifenowmama congratulations. How wonderful to have a sibling for your son. I know lots of people who’ve had their second at 41/42 :)
We were getting our head around a fourth and how we’d make it work…
I haven’t been on here a few days as nature took its course and I sadly miscarried. It’s been sad and difficult but I’m embracing my beautiful family of five and looking at all the positives. And I am feeling better.
I do earn, @RandomMusings7 but I am self employed and limited with my time given childcare costs and the fact I want to look after my littlest as much as possible. Yes we were careless with contraception which is indeed foolish. I had the coil in for several months and it didn’t agree with me.

I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage @MakingLifeBetter, this is something very prominent on my mind also, which is why I haven’t even told my SO about this pregnancy.. I have had 3 early pregnancy losses before, and only one successful which was my son, and because of that I’m nervous to take it for granted even though we didn’t plan this one and I’m not feeling very ready for it.. I’m going to give it a couple more weeks and try get an early scan and then really try figure it all out.
seems you have a lovey full family life and I’m glad you’re ok about this, it does happen a lot and it’s never easy but like you said it’s nature doing it’s thing
very best wishes to you