Unsure about 2nd pregnancy

[indecisivemjl]

Hi everyone, I’m sure there are other topics about this but I couldn’t find a recent one so here goes..
I have just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant after trying for our second child on and off for a year (I am 40). We’d always been one and done but something changed last year when my son started school so we decided to give it a go.
Last week I had period pains so was convinced it wasn’t our month and was in floods of tears as a result. I had decided we wouldn’t try anymore if I came in period as I feel like life has been in limbo recently. Fast forward a week and I’ve had a positive test which you’d think I would be ecstatic about but instead I just feel sad and flat and can only focus on the negatives. How will my relationship change with my 5 year old, going back to the boring baby days and lack of sleep. I have even googled miscarriage rates in 40 year olds and abortion clinics. I know this makes me a terrible person 😞 Has anyone been in a similar situation and can offer any advice?

I’m pregnant with my second age 39. We were very much one and done from the start. Our first was conceived via IVF after trying for years and we were content with what we had. Falling pregnant naturally was a huge surprise. I spent the first few weeks feeling totally overwhelmed to the point where I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue with the pregnancy and discussed the options with my Dr. I had an early scan as I was unsure of my dates and a part of me wanted nothing to be there. We’ll have 3yr age gap so smaller but I still feel we’ve got past the baby stage and DS is much easier. The thought of starting again actually terrified me. All I can say is that it has passed now (18 weeks) and we’re really looking forward to giving DS a sibling. It wasn’t an overnight change but it’s been gradual over the weeks and by our 12 week scan my mindset was totally different to when I first found out. He is wriggling around in my tummy as I write this

You’re not a terrible person at all! You have to do what is right for you and your family. It’s still early and you have some time so you can still take a couple of weeks to see how you feel.

I know it can be scary but I'm jealous of that age gap. Life will be a bit easier with one at school. I had a nearly 4 year age gap and it worked out really well. I'm going to have a 2 year one soon. With 2nd baby everything is so much easier and they learn things quicker as they have a sibling as a role model. You're not a terrible person I felt the same with an unexpected pregnancy. Let it sink in and give yourself time.

I think it's natural to have those feelings when you just find out you're pregnant. No matter how much you want and try for that baby, it still comes as a huge shock when you see the positive!
I lost my first child at 33 weeks last year and was so desperate to bring a baby home. We tried again and found out I was pregnant 6 months later, and even though I so desperately wanted that baby, I still panicked and questioned if it was the right thing.
Don't beat yourself up for those thoughts, our brains like to play tricks on us and make us question everything

Thanks all for your replies, it’s good to feel less alone. So sorry for your loss @Bubbles021 that must have been incredibly tough. I’m still not sure on what I want but I’m talking to DH on a regular basis which is helping. He is more relaxed about it than me but then his life won’t change to the same extent as mine with pregnancy, maternity and the ongoing juggle thereafter will largely fall to me as I work from home! We have time to think it through so I am going to try and take the pressure off for the next couple of weeks and hopefully I’ll be clearer in my mind.