Friend critical of my pregnancy “performance”

[EL8888]

I was out for lunch the other day with a group of friends. I’m 16 weeks pregnant with twins, after IVF and over 4 years of trying. We were having a nice time, chatting and eating. One friend then pipes up “El has been so distracted and unfocused since she’s been pregnant. I actually thinks she been like all the time she’s been trying to get pregnant”. No one else agreed with her and if lm reading the table correctly everyone else seems by surprised by what she said

For clarity l work full time, doing some part time studying in my own time and still have bad morning sickness (l was still being sick this afternoon). We are getting married soon so there is lots going on! I have missed no work and haven’t dropped any balls personally or professionally. If people ask how lm feeling lm honest but don’t go on about the morning sickness. She has been a bit judgey about the wedding in the sense she thinks l need to do more and be more on it. But we wanted a small low key wedding and l have done more than my fair share. My fiancé is happy about how things are, he thinks l actually need to relax more and take it easy

I feel quite hurt to be honest. It’s been a really hard road and it has been so so challenging. She has 4 children, decided she wanted a baby and each time got one. Easy pregnancies and labours. So she doesn’t have much of a clue most likely, how it’s been for me. I don’t think she ever even worked full time whilst pregnancy

Ignore. Sounds like she made a fool of herself in front of the rest of the table, and you kept your dignity, best possible outcome!

What a bitch. Does doesn’t sound like a great friend. What did you say to her?

When people make these kind of bizarre and I'll judged comments it's often about them.
Possibly, she has something upsetting her or even she is jealous of pregnancy?

Whatever it is, she is the one who needs to deal with it. I would let it float by me and not dwell, you have much more happy and important things to concentrate on. Congratulations!!

What an odd thing to do. Just ignore her. Everyone else will be thinking badly of her not you

I’d ignore it just now. You don’t need the added stress and you and your fiancé are happy with things so that’s all that matters.
if she continues to be difficult and coming out with judgemental comments then I’d just cut contact with her, doesn’t seem like much of a friend!

It went through my head it was about her ultimately. I’m not sure why she would be jealous, she had 4 straight forward pregnancies and has said for sometime she doesn’t want any more

The more l think about then l disagree with what she said. I used to have a friend who was super vague when pregnant, you would tell her something 5 times and she would still struggle to retain it. Im not that person! For example I know Jane is having an extension, Lauren’s son is having some tests about his kidney functioning etc. I’m super clear about what is going on in people’s lives and as engaged as ever. During the past 4 years l have got promoted and passed courses, how can l do that if lm confused.com all the time?!

@Hiddenvoice all true. My fiancé, manager and course leader all seem happy with me and what lm doing. No one has expressed any concerns. 2 course mates even said the other day how impressed they are with my organisation and progress

@Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou l said nothing at the time. It came out of nowhere and l was shocked. Plus a lot of the time l think it’s important to think things over, rather than go with a knee jerk reaction. This time l don’t think there’s any truth in it at all. I’m quite hurt and annoyed

@EL8888

she's a bitch.

even if you thought it, no one with any self awareness would actually say it!

it's rude to talk about you in a setting like that, I wouldn't speak to her again, unless she speaks directly to you in a group situation, and then I'd be as cool and dismissive as possible.

rude bitch.

I'd message her to say that you felt insulted by what she said to you and that you are wondering what prompted her comments.

Bitch. People say (think) stupid things. Just ignore

Sounds jealous to me.

I'm also pregnant with DCDA Twins (32+6) and honestly rest. Carrying babies is hard work!

Tbh I think she sounds like a shit friend all round with the judgmental comments around your wedding as well.

In our friendship group there have been 5 or 6 very different weddings. And all of us have supported each other even if it's not the type of wedding we want ourselves because we want our friends to have what makes them happy. That'd normal

Having judgemental opinions is not normal or nice

She's not a true friend is she?

I think she's probably jealous of your career and that you are currently probably the centre of attention at the moment due to pregnancy and wedding.

Oh and congratulations 🥳

I have noticed some friends are a bit rude in a group to weirdly show how much more they know, or how close they are that they can be so open and honest ie rude.

In your situation I would have laughed along and agreed that friend must be right, what am I like and then been annoyed at myself for putting myself down to avoid an awkward silence.

Glad you didn't do that and as it seems the others didn't react either awkward silence will have put her right back in her place.

She sounds like a bitch

Yeah, pretty much sums it up.

She made a fool of herself with those comments. It showed she's not a niece person and I hope your friends are offended by her too

What kind of frenemy shit is this? Slagging you off because you’ve been going through the mill with IVF this past four years?

She’s no friend.

Ignore. Permanently, she’s not a friend, she sounds like an attention seeker unhappy that anyone else gets attention (in her head).

Congratulations on your good news.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Oh FFS, I hate it when I get caught out by zombie threads!