Unsolicited advice when pregnant

[CoralFz]

I very recently out I'm pregnant for the first time, my husband and I already knew we would share the news quite early with our parents quite early just for support and incase anything goes wrong we have people around who can help us. We went to my parents house and told them and they were excited but it was followed with....

'you've tested so early, why have you tested so early...a friend of a friend tested when they were due on and then they got their period a few weeks later'.

When i said I was feeling super bloated and had an inkling I was so wanted to know it was met with 'well I didn't have any symptoms that early, I didn't get morning sickness or anything'

I mean I'm a few days past the day I was due to come on and I could sense something was going on so decided to test...which I thought was pretty normal?

This was then followed by things such as 'don't eat for two you don't need to eat for 2... when I was pregnant i didn't gain any weight I was still wearing a size 12 at 7 months'...

then 'I don't believe in baby showers, gifts should come after the birth because if something bad happens you have all this stuff to look at' (I already know I don't want a baby shower but I don't need to be told this)

then 'don't name your baby this...oh I know you like this name but this person has that name and that person too'

And the worst one... saying I'm going to be a handful when pregnant and they feel for my husband who will have to be in the delivery room.

I don't know, it just felt more of a negative experience than a happy one and now im dreading what's to come down the line having opinions and advice I haven't asked for and questioning my decisions I've made. I don't think I want to say anything incase it causes an argument and leaves an even more sour taste in my mouth just feel a bit deflated.

I'm afraid that's what you get for telling people so early! I waited as late as humanly possible, so I'd have less time for people to weigh in.

Eurgh and these people are your family?

Perfectly possible to have symptoms that early on. I ballooned and my boobs were horrendously sore about 3 days after my period was due and morning sickness started at 6 weeks. Its all caused by hormones which begin the second you conceive - they are talking crap!

Maybe just enjoy the good news between you and yoir partner now and talk about it again when you are 12 weeks. If they go on about it just make a point of saying you'll talk about it with them when it's no longer classed as 'top early' and when you are 'allowed' to have symptoms as their support was poor at best.

Good luck and congratulations!

People used to talk me to on the train in my morning commute and tell me their horror stories about birth.

All I’m going to say is nip it in the bud now or face this for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond! And whatever you do do not share your exact due date- you’ll never hear the end of it at a time you want to just rest and focus on yourself! Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy x

I don’t agree that ‘that’s what you get when you tell people do early’. I told my mum early and never once did she say any of those things. She was excited, naturally trepidatious like I was but we walked the road together with nothing but support.

it sounds like you have a mother problem and perhaps you’ve learned that she’s not going to be the support you hoped she would be and you can change your plans accordingly.

Are your parents usually so negative? I’ve had a bit of unsolicited advice but most people aren’t like that. I’m sorry you had to deal with it from the people who should have been most supportive and excited. Have you got a non-judgemental friend who would share in your excitement?
I wouldn’t let it put you off sharing your news generally. I hope your partner’s parents have a better reaction.
And congratulations 🎉 you’ve got this!

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!

Do you know your mum's experiences with pregnancy? I only ask because my mum had a few miscarriages and I know this clouds her view of early pregnancy. I only know this because I've told her when friends are pregnant early and she's been very much the same as your mum. Knowing this, I waited until 10 weeks to tell her I was pregnant and although she would have preferred 12, I couldn't really wait due to external circumstances. I wanted to allow her to enjoy the news and not be wracked with worry!

It might also be just their ages? My parents are in their 60s and back when they were having babies, they didn't have access to early scans or anything that can provide reassurance early on.

I'd try not to get too down about it, they probably just don't want to get their hopes up. Re-visit it when you're closer to 12 weeks? X

Let it wash by you - there will be plenty more of this to come from plenty of other sources. If you don't develop the ability to blank it out you will be nuts by the time you deliver!

Urgh, I'm sorry you're going through it already. I'm afraid it sticks!

I'm 26 weeks now and have received unsolicited advice on everything from breastfeeding, my choice of birth place, sleep, baby nap times, buying clothes, to what pain relief I choose to have and my diet.

I move house last month and my elderly neighbour offered her 'advice' on pain relief in labour the very first conversation we had... My choice to have a (hopefully) unmedicated birth completely baffled her and she quizzed me about it a bit.

I don't think it'll go away once the baby's here, either. I think the only thing that helps is telling people a bit less about your pregnancy and birth choices - ie withholding info. If they don't have any info, they can't force their unsolicited views on you. If you do want to tell people things, be confident and well-researched in your choices so that when you do get into conversations about it, it rolls off you like water on a windscreen.

You got this. It can be tough, be it's early days yet and you will find ways to cope :)