I can't stand my partner. He disgusts me

Nimblesandbimbles · 08/11/2022 22:16

I don’t remember feeling quite the same level of revulsion as you describe but I do remember going through a stage of feeling very irritated by DP during pregnancy. Everything he did seemed to annoy me. I think there might be some hormonal element to it & I’m sure I looked in to it & it was quite common!

badassbaby · 08/11/2022 22:17

Spacebears · 08/11/2022 22:06

25 weeks pregnant. Been with my partner a few years. No major problems. So during my first trimester, I couldn't get enough of him. I wanted to have sex all that time and felt even more in love with him everyday. I've noticed that in the past few weeks, I'm actually disgusted by him. He hasn't done anything wrong, it's literally just him. I haven't kissed him in weeks, when he tries to kiss me I pull away. He tries to cuddle me in bed and I don't like it. I'm so snappy with him, I try to stop myself but he annoys me so much. I have no interest in having sex with him at all. I love him still but I'm just so disgusted and irritated by him. I'm feeling so bad as I'm pushing him away. Did anyone else go through this in pregnancy ?? Or is there a deeper problem here...

Your poor partner!
He must be devastated 😳

Circumferences · 08/11/2022 22:18

Sounds frivolous but I think you need to eat more, and get more protein through full fat milk or something.
Your body is stressed.

Albgo · 08/11/2022 22:18

Circumferences · 08/11/2022 22:18

Sounds frivolous but I think you need to eat more, and get more protein through full fat milk or something.
Your body is stressed.

What?

TokenGinger · 08/11/2022 22:19

I feel like this at the moment and have done for a few weeks. I'm 30 weeks. I think part of it is that my body doesn't feel like my own right now. I feel tired, baby is taking everything they need to grow. When I get into bed at night time, I just want to go to bed. The thought of sex does not appeal right now. I just can't be bothered. So I think that plays into my disinterest in DP at the moment.

Alice65 · 08/11/2022 22:20

Yes, for me it was just hormonal and went as suddenly as it has come. Perhaps there’s some evolutionary reason for not wanting to shag at different points in pregnancy. Anyway, don’t panic.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 08/11/2022 22:21

This is a phenomenon that has been studied, its a very animalistic response. If I remember rightly before you 'mate' you are attracted to each others pheromones but afterwards once pregnancy becomes more established their pheromones turn you off as your brain reads the pheromones more like your dad or brother as you are already pregnant and either dont need to 'mate' or need a male. Ill see if I can find the article.

TokenGinger · 08/11/2022 22:22

I think Nimbles has said what I'm feeling, actually. I just feel irritated. Not necessarily with just him, just in general and the poor bugger gets the brunt of it.

I haven't let in at how I feel to DP though. I've still been intimate with him (though not as much) and I've spoken to him and let him know how exhausted and overwhelmed I feel at the moment and apologised if I've been a bit off at any point.

Original poster

Spacebears · 08/11/2022 22:23

I feel so bad. The sex isn't so much a big deal, it's that I don't even want to get close to him at all. No cuddles, kisses, nothing. It's been such a sudden change and I think he's just a bit confused also.

OP posts:

greeandorange · 08/11/2022 22:24

Spacebears · 08/11/2022 22:23

I feel so bad. The sex isn't so much a big deal, it's that I don't even want to get close to him at all. No cuddles, kisses, nothing. It's been such a sudden change and I think he's just a bit confused also.

I think you could just explain to him it's potentially temporary and if he can be understanding and stay away that means you are less stressed.

Can you sleep separately for a while? And get yourself some space.

Original poster

Spacebears · 09/11/2022 08:13

We already do sleep separately. He works nights so gets up by 11. Around the time I normally go to bed. Perhaps I'm feeling this way because I don't even really feel myself. My pregnancy has been really stressful. I know I still love him, when he talks to bump that makes me feel happy. I just hope I feel different soon because he's very affectionate and the lack of affection is starting to upset him. I've said to him it's just the pregnancy and he's trying to be understanding.

OP posts:

greenerfingers · 09/11/2022 08:56

Relax OP, don't overthink it and don't express it. Grit your teeth through the cuddles etc. Its hormonal and stress. I had it during my first pregnancy and after it for a while till things balanced. Haven't had it as much this time but generally my hormones haven't been as whack. My partner did notice as he asked why I would avoid physical touch and I tried brushing it off. I'd never have told him how I really felt and I'm glad because once things calmed back to normal we were again. Try not to overthink it or feel bad. You can't control it.

J1290 · 10/11/2022 19:51

Aldo similar maybe not as bad
still want cuddles etc but deffo not sex not interested in the slightest? And if we get anywhere i just want it to stop lol. Maybe just hormones?

Starsinthesky22 · 10/11/2022 20:38

I can definitely relate to this! I also get this before I am due a period and have it to a smaller extent now in my 2nd trimester. I think it’s hormonal from what I’ve researched. I’d definitely talk to your partner about it and explain it’s not him. Me and my husband actually laugh about it now and it’s really lightened things up just talking and joking about it.

CristinaNov182 · 10/11/2022 20:43

I also felt very excited until a few short weeks ago (21 weeks now), but now it has stopped. Same happened during the first pregnancy. Didn’t get that far to think he disgusts me, but I do see him in a less flattering light (while before it was the opposite :)) )

It’s probably hormonal. Tell him that so he’s not confused. It will pass.

Autumn231 · 10/11/2022 21:07

I’m so glad I found this thread, have literally been feeling the same (16 weeks). So glad it’s not just me.

Original poster

Spacebears · 10/11/2022 21:13

We've spoken about it and he's understanding. Can't help feeling awful though. I worry this will continue for the whole of my pregnancy

OP posts:

CristinaNov182 · 10/11/2022 21:30

So what if it does? It might continue after too, for a while.

Your body is busy creating another human, I’m sure sex is the last thing, if, on the “to do” list. It makes sense to conserve energy for growing a baby instead of pushing you towards sex.

I only felt a slight increase in desire towards the end of the pregnancy, but otherwise stayed pretty much low after the 1st trimester. My DH understood. And btw you can be affectionate without having sex.

After labour, the first few months (or more) your body is either recovering, so not advised, not for the first 1-2 months anyway, or is not getting enough sleep. Sex wasn’t on either of our minds, but sleep was.

having a baby is a shock, and both will need to adjust, but also a wonder, it can bring you closer in other ways, sex can resume when you physically and mentally adjust to having a baby. If you think your life (sex life included) should always continue at the same pace as when you were childless, you’re in for a disappointment.

Original poster

Spacebears · 10/11/2022 21:41

CristinaNov182 · 10/11/2022 21:30

So what if it does? It might continue after too, for a while.

Your body is busy creating another human, I’m sure sex is the last thing, if, on the “to do” list. It makes sense to conserve energy for growing a baby instead of pushing you towards sex.

I only felt a slight increase in desire towards the end of the pregnancy, but otherwise stayed pretty much low after the 1st trimester. My DH understood. And btw you can be affectionate without having sex.

After labour, the first few months (or more) your body is either recovering, so not advised, not for the first 1-2 months anyway, or is not getting enough sleep. Sex wasn’t on either of our minds, but sleep was.

having a baby is a shock, and both will need to adjust, but also a wonder, it can bring you closer in other ways, sex can resume when you physically and mentally adjust to having a baby. If you think your life (sex life included) should always continue at the same pace as when you were childless, you’re in for a disappointment.

I've realised I don't even want to be affectionate with him at all. It's such a strange feeling, like I want to be able to be loving and reciprocate the energy and affection he gives me but I can't. I just don't want to be touched/kissed/cuddled at all at the moment.

OP posts:

Covetthee · 10/11/2022 21:46

It will go away, I couldn’t stand the smell of my husband during second trimester 🤣 i felt really bad but its natural

FebMama · 10/11/2022 21:47

@Spacebears I'm so glad I came across your post! I don't quite feel as repulsed as you do towards your DP, but I am currently 27 weeks pregnant and this week I've been finding myself wanting space from my DH. Almost everything he is doing this week is irritating the HELL out of me. We are usually intimate at least once a week, but for the past two weeks there's been nothing. And I'm quite happy with that.
I love him to pieces but just finding myself wanting to sleep away from him, have my own space and sometimes I feel resentful that as men, they don't have to go through what we do when it comes to pregnancy.
I'm not sure I remember feeling like this with my first, but I'm sure it will pass.

CristinaNov182 · 10/11/2022 21:47

And it’s your right to feel this way.

As long he has given you no reason to feel this way, it’s your body’s hormones and these will change. It might not change for the duration of the pregnancy or for some months after, but they do go back eventually to pre pregnancy state.

Hrf1503 · 10/11/2022 22:07

I couldn’t stand the smell of my partner or being touched by him at all until about 16 weeks. Fortunately it’s passed for me now (although we’ve still not had sex since we conceived) but I honestly see so many of these posts! You don’t have to grit your teeth and be touched when you don’t want to be, in my experience that makes it worse. It’s great he’s being understanding, you can try to build intimacy in the ways you’re comfortable with (him talking to bump, a hand on your bump to feel kicks if you can bear that, nice dinners together). I do honestly think it’s just hormones and will pass.