'Ours baby'

[emily8889]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone here has any thoughts on an ‘ours’ baby and would you recommend?

I have two children, age, 3 and 6 and my partner has three, age: 8, 10, 12.

My children are with us 50% of the time and his are every other weekend and a lot in the holidays. He is 43 and I’m early 30s. Luckily, all our five kids get on and love each other and I would say current family dynamics are strong and good.

I do love the idea of an ‘us’ baby for many reasons:

1. Having a child that is ours.
2. One day the thought of of having grandchildren together.
3. Going through the experience with him.

But I can see the negatives too, such as:

1. Doing all the baby stuff again when we are both out the other side.

1. Worried this will have an effect on our relationship .

1. Loosing precious ‘us’ time

1. He’s a bit older, so being an older dad and staring again.

1. How the children might feel.

I really don’t know….but I am still early 30s and I have these phases of still wanting another one and feeling really broody. My partner is more against that for it, but we have quite a lot of unprotected sex and he says, well if it happens, it happens- I will be there for you and we will sort it out together and I will love both of you. However because of the amount of children we have and his age, he’s not really ‘for’ it.

I just wondered what other peoples’ thoughts were on this…..

Thanks!

Can you afford to provide for 6 kids? That's a very large family.

I don’t think it matters whether you have a child that is both of yours or not. Lots of families with similar set ups to yours function just fine, and your children’s children will probably still treat you all as grandparents if you’re still together when the time comes - you will have been in their parents lives for a very long time. I think it matters whether you want another baby, you and your partner. I think you should make a decision either way, rather than the lax approach of oh if it happens it happens - I’ve seen that end badly too many times, especially on here. So either way, you’re still a family. You don’t need another child to make you a “proper” family unit. If you want one, and can cope financially and emotionally with 6 kids between you, go for it! But if you only want another baby to have something to tie you together, and your partner isn’t committed to the idea, I’d say don’t do it.

How long have you been together?

S

Since you have a three year old this sounds like a newer relationship. I think you should just focus on the 5 you have and building a stable future together.

OP it looks like you've posted this twice so I'm going to copy and paste my comment here in case one thread gets deleted

What's he like as a dad? What's your current set up like? Can you afford another baby? Do you have time to accommodate another child? Do you have space for another child? Why did both your previous relationships end with the people you chose to have children with?

You don't have to answer. Just things to consider.