BFP and feeling numb - is this normal?

[RoseReed]

Good morning everyone,

Yesterday, I did 2 x BFPs and another one this morning. However, I’m feeling rather numb and emotional about it.

Background; I had a suspected ectopic at 9 weeks pregnant back in 2018 where I had no idea I was pregnant until I had been taken to hospital with suspected appendicitis. I then had my daughter in September 2019, I had a complicated pregnancy (bled throughout, growth problems) then she arrived at 36 weeks and I had the labour I did not want (I know people say don’t have a birth plan, I didn’t - but there was 3 things I wrote I DIDNT want and I had all three resulting in forceps delivery).
fast forward to now, my daughter is my absolute world. I love our life. I was just looking forward to finally having our 30 hours free childcare from January and saving us hundreds a month, I just finished paying off a car loan. We also had a holiday planned for July 2023.
Of course, me and my husband were aware our actions could lead to this but I really did want to enjoy having money for a little while to save, and to enjoy one more holiday just us three. Also, I’d come around to my little girl being our one and only. I understand the thought of my relationship changing with her is a really normal feeling. I’ve never been an overly maternal person, despite my daughter being my world now I previously didn’t want any children - I feel like I’m learning on the job so how can I possibly balance having another?

I also don’t want to sound very ungrateful because I’m aware people would give anything to have a BFP.

@RoseReed first of all, you've got this! 💪
Second, you're not alone in feeling like this with second (or more) pregnancies. I had my second DD last year and honest, honest truth, it took me weeks to bond with her. I was in love with my first DD so much and felt like 2nd DD was ruining my relationship with 1st. I'm not going to lie, it might be tough at first. But after a few weeks, seeing how much love they have for each other really just made me so happy. And now my 1st DD can't remember a time without her sister. And they're best friends and I can't imagine life now without the 4 of us. Please try and speak to someone real how you're feeling as I felt so guilty about how I felt about DD 2. I kept thinking "what have I done?", even in pregnancy. But when I actually said it out loud when she was about 9 weeks old, I felt like things started to get better. Hopefully I've reassured you a bit that you are not alone and everything will turn out fine in the end ♥

Thankyou @Jb2182 this message literally just made me cry and it’s exactly what I needed to hear 💕.

I’ve got an ultrasound today/tomorrow (awaiting a callback). If it gets to the stage I have a booking appointment then I’ll mention straight away there that I’m emotionally very wobbly to see what support they can offer me, and see if I can have the same midwife throughout my pregnancy and labour to ease some pregnancy/birth trauma concerns (it’s not something offered as standard in my area)x