Newly pregnant and TERRIFIED! - even though I want this

[mydogismyfirstborn]

I'm hoping someone might be able to help make me feel less irrational! I'm 27 and recently found out I'm pregnant. I'm delighted, as we've been trying for a while and even though I absolutely can't wait for all the wonderful moments of having a beautiful baby and being a mum, I'm also completely terrified about almost everything. There's about a million things I'm scared of:

Miscarriage (this is my second pregnancy)
Morning sickness
All the possible complications
My body changing and me hating it more than I already do

Child birth - even thinking about it makes me nauseous and it feels like ice has been poured over me! I've already sobbed about it so much, I can't even begin to think about a natural birth and c section only freaks me out slightly less

Fatigue and the sleepless nights
Post partum recovery, no matter which way I end up delivering my baby
Post natal depression (I already suffer from anxiety if you couldn't tell already!)
Loneliness
Losing intimacy with my husband
Not having time for each
Losing myself, my freedom and my personality

My husband has a very rose tinted view of parenthood as he's never really had any experience of children! He can only see the good and while he's trying to be supportive, he does make me feel guilty for feeling this way! He thinks I should see it all as being worth it, and that I should only be excited

I feel like I'm losing the plot and I can't talk to a midwife for weeks yet as I'm only 4 weeks, none of my friends have babies and I feel like I've got nowhere else to turn with my worries, so I'm starting to just bottle it all up, which I know is no good for me or the baby! I want to feel excited!

It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious and scared either after miscarriage or not. I never worried about morning sickness, which I did experience but it wasn’t too bad. I did suffer indigestion and couldn’t eat meat. I never worried about my husband, he’s very easy going and I knew he was going to be a great Dad. There’s no way around it, it’s going to change your life and your freedom. I do think you need to discuss your worries with midwife when you see her, hopefully she can help you with your concerns.

Honestly, yours sounds like a somewhat healthy view. A lot of people approach pregnancy and infancy with a ton of naïveté, and really struggle when the reality doesn’t meet their Instagram-perfect expectations. You’re going in expecting the worst - so I hope you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Morning sickness: bloody awful, but you take it one day at a time, and every day you’re that bit closer to feeling better.

Childbirth: every bit as painful as you’d expect, but also weirdly exhilarating. It was my worst experience and my best experience. It’s hard to describe. The high that you can feel after is unparalleled.

The sleepless nights: yup. But I actually found that the early days I felt more rested than in pregnancy. I was breastfeeding and I was up around the clock, but at least my body was my own, I wasn’t the size of a lorry, and I had a cute little thing to snuggle.

Intimacy: baby makes it harder. But your body changes as you age anyway. So does your relationship. I think if you go into this next phase with your eyes wide open, there’s no reason to assume it will be awful. It will just be different, and it will take work.

You’ve got loads to worry about, but loads to look forward to as well. I think it’s completely fine to embrace both sides of this situation. You definitely needn’t feel guilty about not being 100% excited 100% of the time.

All that said: perinatal anxiety CAN spiral, so keep an eye on your worries. Some worries are natural and very rational, and will help you prepare for this new stage. If they become all-consuming, however, please speak to your GP.