After giving birth to my gorgeous, perfect sleeping boy at the start of the year I told myself this time around to be so careful. We didn't tell a soul, still haven't and won't announce it, we tried to not talk about it at all really and never in front of our toddler. Slowly I relaxed, I believed it was a different baby and a different outcome and as we come into the third trimester we agreed to get excited. We finally started being honest with our toddler about the baby in mummy's belly, we bought a couple of things, we told a few people, we started speaking about him like a real baby that will be joining our family.
Today my husband painted the nursery, as a surprise, and I came home to find him and our little one in there and he was excitedly telling me this is his baby brothers room and the tears came and won't stop. He thought he was getting a little brother earlier this year and he never came home. I don't want to put him through that again. I don't want to come home to a painted nursery with no baby. I feel like an absolute fool for relaxing and like I've jinxed it.
I've made it real and it still might not be and I just feel horrible 