Pregnant but can’t imagine having a baby!

[Rainbowchasing2022]

Hello

has anyone felt the same way?!

im currently 17w and found out we are having a little boy last week. It was so lovely to see him moving around on the scan and measuring great, but I still can’t shake the feeling I won’t get a baby at the end of it .. and it doesn’t feel real once we leave the scan room! 🙈

I have had two previous MC before 12w so this pregnancy has progressed better than the others , but I still feel like it is all too good to be true.

I did see the midwife last week and was relieved I had the chance to discuss how anxious I had been feeling and to see if feeling this way
was normal - she just said “yeh you would Be anxious if you’ve lost before” and cut me dead. I left feeling quite upset as I’d hoped for some reassurance.

when people buy us something baby related I feel it triggers my anxiety more as I can’t imagine the baby being here and feel like they will feel so let down if I have to tell them it has gone wrong!

sorry to sound so crazy 🙈 x

I had this and it's very weird. I was 'pregnant' not 'expecting a baby'. It was completely fine when DD got here.

It's probably just your brain trying to protect you with denial because of the losses. It'll reset after. And just tell everyone not to buy you anything yet.

@MrsTerryPratchett goad it isn’t just me but such a weird way to feel when others seem so excited and oblivious to anything going wrong. I could never announce on social media etc I don’t know how people do it 🙈

I have tried. They just say I’m so paranoid the baby will be born with nothing at all ready as I won’t buy anything. I plan to buy maybe after 24w x

Babies don't really need much that you don't supply. 24 weeks is a plan. The nappies and prams will still be there then!

I felt exactly the same. Planned pregnancy but I just couldn’t picture actually having a baby at the end of it.

Don’t worry about buying stuff yet, there’s no rush. You can Amazon prime it when the baby’s here if you forget anything vital.

I felt like this through my entire pregnancy. It took us 15 months and the threat of IVF to get there so I was convinced it was all going to go wrong. I didn't buy anything until 30 weeks and even a few weeks before he was born I was crying to the midwife worrying about still birth.

You're not alone.

I’m 35+2 and I still feel this way 😂 don’t get me wrong I feel very pregnant, I look very pregnant & know there’s a baby in there rolling around and kicking etc. But I cannot for the life of me imagine I will have a baby in a matter of weeks!

It all feels very surreal, like I’m preparing for something that isn’t going to appear, if that makes sense. I’m sure it’ll feel very real when I’m giving birth to her (another concept I can’t quite believe is going to happen!) but for now you are not alone OP!

I felt this. We had an ivf pregnancy and I had assumed we would never be able to have one so I didn’t ever let myself imagine life with the baby. Until he was in my arms I couldn’t believe it. I was uncomfortable with our parents buying things for him as I still couldn’t imagine having the chance to use them. We didn’t buy anything until the later stages.

I could have written this exactly two years ago.

Even through labour it didn’t feel real until the midwife was suddenly shoving a screaming little creature at me 😁

I get this.

I had my first 6 years ago. Then had to have a TFMR last year which devastated me. I’m now 37 weeks and I still can’t accept that I’ll have my 2nd baby is a mere matter of weeks.

I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant. Some of my family still don’t know. I didn’t buy anything till I was around 6-7 months pregnant and still I don’t have everything I need. I would get quite angry when someone even dared to buy me a baby item as I thought it would tempt fate.

It is definitely your brain trying to protect you x

I didn’t have a loss but I felt similar. I didn’t buy anything until 24 weeks and most of our big things I didn’t buy until 30 weeks. Even at 37 weeks I was sat in hospital for reduced movements, I’d been crying all morning until we could get in (then she obviously didn’t stop moving once I got in). I was so anxious at losing her but still couldn’t imagine having a baby.

I didn’t feel like I had a baby for a few days, it was more they’d given me a baby, rather than my baby. It was probably when we got home from the hospital that I felt like I was a mummy.

Thank you all so much for your lovely replies. I’m glad I’m not alone! My family look at me crazy when I mention it at all and my sister was so different in pregnancy and so excited people bought from the really early days - she had almost everything she needed by 20w! So I think they can’t understand why I’m the complete opposite.

I also didn’t think I’d ever get pregnant due to having PCOS and endo.. so when we lost two I was convinced my body couldn’t do it even when I had fallen pregnant so I still feel like it won’t happen

@CurlyNo2 i still don’t tell people either but typically I do look v pregnant already even at 17w so when I bump into people I know I’m like “oh no they are going to know”.

makes me feel so guilty as I am so so grateful to even be pregnant but I just feel like I can’t relax and accept we may get a baby this time.

I hope it is all pure worry and all is okay and I end up one of the people who end up with a baby at the hospital and think WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED! xx

I get this about lots of things!

I got it about my DD who is now 3. Couldn't visualise myself with an actual baby. Now it moves to not being able to visualise myself with a teenager, or an adult daughter.
I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant and doing exactly the same - can't imagine my DD and a baby.
I also had to TFMR last year at 27 weeks so maybe that's playing with my mind too.

But I get this with lots of things - the first time I flew long haul i went to Australia- couldn't imagine being there so didn't think it would happen. It did.
Same with the first time I went to visit my DPs family in South Africa - but we went. The second time it was because we went with my daughter, so I couldn't imagine her there... but we went!

I used to do it with second dates (bizarrely) - if I arranged a second date with someone but then couldn't visualise myself in that specific place with them, I was convinced they were going to cancel. A lot of the time I was right.
But I think it's just a natural defence system!

Yep MC last year and now have a DS. I was too scared to tell midwife about my constant anxiety whilst pregnant as I didnt want to be medicated. I got irrationally angry about gifts and made my DM cancel the secret baby shower she'd planned. I didn't want to jinx anything.

Got to be honest the anxiety still remains, I'm super paranoid about accidents happening and having a DS still feels surreal.

100% can relate to this. Took me and DH 16 months to pregnant (which in the meantime we were waiting our referral for IVF as blood tests showed I wasn't ovulating!) and it's taken me so much time to switch my mind from thinking 'I'm another day/week pregnant' to 'I'm having a baby soon!'

I've refused to have a baby shower as I don't want to jinx anything, didn't announce it to anyone until 16 weeks.

I'm now 31 weeks and have only recently been buying stuff, also baby care starting classes from this weekend. Maybe that will help it sink in a bit more! x

It's pretty normal to feel this way, don't worry about it.

I couldn't get my head around having a baby until he was actually out.

Even second time round I'm struggling to visualise it.

You are really not alone. It took me 2.5 years to get pregnant for the first time and then I had 4 devastating first trimester losses. I stopped associating pregnancy with actually having a baby, it just felt like some sort of medical condition I went through for a while.

When I got pregnant for the 5th time, I constantly waited for it to go wrong, never actually expecting it to result in a baby. I did tell people I was pregnant (I was very open with friends and family about all my losses) but never announced it on social media or anything. Despite the pregnancy being fairly straightforward and complication-free, I was always a mess at scans (2 of my losses were missed miscarriages when I only found out at a scan that the heartbeat had stopped) and although I knew I was pregnant, I struggled to accept there was an actual baby in there, it was weird.

I didn't even look at buying anything and refused to accept any gifts until after 24 weeks and even then we took it really slowly. After a lot of persuading, I agreed to let me mum and sister throw me a baby shower and did have a nice time with friends and family but felt like a fraud accepting all these gifts for a baby that I didn't think I would get. I stopped being as open about the anxiety as people who haven't been through it just don't understand and I just told myself that I was happy they didn't get it because I wouldn't have wished what we'd been through on anyone.

Even when I was induced and having contractions, I still didn't believe I was going to be leaving the hospital with a baby, it just felt like I was going through the motions. I ended up having an emergency c-section and I think it was only when I heard his little cry that it hit me like a ton of bricks that it might actually be happening. I am now sat here with my 4 week old baby asleep in my arms ❤️. I still can't quite believe he is real!

Pregnancy after loss is really, really tough. Just take it one day at a time and do whatever works for you to help you through (I got a lot of support from Facebook groups of others who had been through it) and remember that it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Wishing you the best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy and journey into motherhood x

My story is very similar to yours, @redlou123. Right down to the emergency C-section.

That was my 6th pregnancy and my first living child. I'm now 30 weeks pregnant again without any losses in between.

I think it's natural!

I didn't even believe I had a baby when the surgeon lifted her up to show me during our c-section! Actually even when I first held her, she didn't quite seem real.

It’s perfectly understandable to be nervous.

in terms of preparation, my advice to all new parents is to buy less than you think you need and to set aside more cash than you think you need. DH was constantly running to pick up something. You will find that there is one type of light blanket that works better for swaddling than any others and want enough to get through a few days. You will realize that what you need more than anything is a place to set the baby down safely in this random spot in your house that you never imagined needing to do. instead of buying things, just set some money aside each week. it will get used eventually.

I felt like this for all 3 of my pregnancies - completely normal in my opinion.

I didn't pack my hospital bad for having DC1 until I was actually in labour as although I knew I was pregnant, I hadn't got my head round having a baby!

All 3 were planned too.

Good luck

I didn’t feel like this with my first but I do with my second.

I even had a dream about giving birth last night and woke up thinking well obviously that’s not actually true / going to happen.

I’ve had a couple of losses in between so I do think that might be part of it.

Wow, I can totally relate to everyone who posted! I am couple of days away from my due date with my first baby and I just can't comprehend it- a baby inside me, going through labour, seeing a baby that is my very own and bringing it home and just everything that comes with it!
I too had a loss last year but I think I'd feel like this no matter what. I just can't imagine it all when it comes to me- it's so surreal! Also felt anxious about people knowing, no way I could announce on SM etc.. worried everything will jinx it.. it's hard!
I'm glad I'm not alone feeling this way!